Fear of Eye Contact..

I am very scared of eye contact but often seek it for thrills when I'm in the mood for that. But when I'm not in that mood, it's agonizingly scary and people often seem to notice how anxious I'm feeling. People who know me well get that I'm just "shy", but the more I like a person, the worse the anxiety is. There was a person I admired A LOT and we were having a few beers at a bar and I couldn't look him at all in the eyes and I felt so bad and anxious afterwards that I became mildly depressed for a few months.
Sometimes I also become a bit obsessed with people who I actually look in the eyes, even strangers, because I also feel like looking someone in the eyes is very intimate and I very easily feel a connection with people I look in the eyes. It can become pretty weird.

I avoid it at all costs, and its hard with family and friends as well. I try my best to give out "glances" but that's about the most I can do. If I'm face to face with someone it's impossible to look them in the eyes. If I'm forced too or have no choice, it's either over their shoulder or a dead stare in their face that comes off giving me a huge anxiety rush and results in sweaty palms amongst other things. After the interaction is "over" I exhale deeply and remind myself how f'ed up I am

I too have this issue

The fear of being told 'hey, you creep me out with your stare', or 'dude, you are looking at me funny'

It's a confidence thing, and I am slowly getting over my fear

Here's a bunch of stuff I try

I try and turn it around. Instead of worrying 'what if I'm looking at people funny', think to yourself, 'If you can't handle the way I look at you - then it's your problem, not mine'. This is not to say be aggressive, far far from it, but instead of battering yourself over the head with it all the time, try looking at it as a positive. For example, I imagine that holding someone's gaze all the time whilst speaking with them, would prompt them to say in conversation with other; 'You can tell he's a really confident person by the way he looks at you - always with the eye contact'

I suck it up, I look them in the eye and think to yourself 'You look away!' Give yourself a challenge, but be careful not to come across as some leaning forward bulging eyeball starting monster. I'm talking about taking off the wheel retainers, the arm bands for swimming, and telling yourself 'I'm as good as anyone in this room - better even!' But always tempered with love and caring for your fellow human being.

In fact, you are not so much as challenging them, you are more challenging yourself. Think of the person you are speaking with, as someone who has been very kind enough to lend you their eyes so you can practice your 'look'.

And one great tip that helps me; listen intently to what the other person is saying to you.

All too often I find I'm just nodding and not really hearing anything because I'm so focused on the whole 'eyeball' thing. The brain can't devote 100% focus to two things at once (well, not mine at least ), so go for the 'I'm really interested and I'm listening to you' tactic rather than the 'Uh on, am I looking at them in some weird way?'

Go on youtube, put in this search 'Can't make eye contact' or 'difficulty looking people in the eye' and you'll get some advice. But the main reason I do this, is to use the person speaking as my training partner. I listen to them and I maintain eye contact whilst pretending they are in the room with me and not thousands of miles away. It's great training. You can do this with news presenters on the T.V, or even yourself in the mirror.

The reality is, it's very difficult to 'look' at someone in any weird way unless you are bulging your eyes or flat out starting at them, non blinking.

The problem is not our eyes, it's our mind

Life is 99% mental conditioning. The other 1% is realising it's 99% mental conditioning.

It's a confidence thing. Time to come out of our shells and start being more positive about ourselves.

I'm awesome! How are you?

I also have a very hard time making eye contact with people. The one person I never had problem doing it with was my ex, I felt comfortable with her, I didn't feel like she would judge me or anything, and it didn't make me feel nervous to stare into her eyes, I loved it actually. Everybody else though, I feel so awkward, If I make eye contact with a girl, I worry that I may have creeped her out or something.

some say its a overative part in your brain where u percieve danger for no reason like flight or flight but can aslo be something else. da vinci said eyes are the window to the soul so maybe your are hiding how you feel about yourself by not making eye contact. maybe u feel you are being judged ? there must be time when u dont feel fear maybe when ur drunk cos less self aware ? maybe you dont notice your disslike of eye contact with old people cos they arnt a threat ? when u become a teenager u are shy around girls and make minimal eye contact why because they are judging you, everyone is like this but maybe u fear judment from everyone at all times . this may be down to lack of self asteem. if you run for a bus and its just gone u ask did the bus just leave? to a stranger, out of breath do you notice ur eye contact anwser probs not because u forgot all about it as you are thinking about the bus ur out of breath so on, point is it is possible to maintain eye contact but the thing is to not be aware you are trying to do it. this may come from being happy within yourself and not caring who judges you . you will relax and be thinking about what people are saying not how they are looking at you. maybe try a new hobbie take up an instrument ? volenteer anything to change how you feel.

googoofrog5555 wrote:some say its a overative part in your brain where u percieve danger for no reason like flight or flight but can aslo be something else. da vinci said eyes are the window to the soul so maybe your are hiding how you feel about yourself by not making eye contact. maybe u feel you are being judged ? there must be time when u dont feel fear maybe when ur drunk cos less self aware ? maybe you dont notice your disslike of eye contact with old people cos they arnt a threat ? when u become a teenager u are shy around girls and make minimal eye contact why because they are judging you, everyone is like this but maybe u fear judment from everyone at all times . this may be down to lack of self asteem. if you run for a bus and its just gone u ask did the bus just leave? to a stranger, out of breath do you notice ur eye contact anwser probs not because u forgot all about it as you are thinking about the bus ur out of breath so on, point is it is possible to maintain eye contact but the thing is to not be aware you are trying to do it. this may come from being happy within yourself and not caring who judges you . you will relax and be thinking about what people are saying not how they are looking at you. maybe try a new hobbie take up an instrument ? volenteer anything to change how you feel.

Interesting post, and all of it is true to one extent or the other

Hi there, I understand you feel nervous when you make eye contact with other people. When you try to make eye contact, don't just focus on their eyes. Look at their eyebrows. What is the color? How do they look? When you divert your attention, you will feel more comfortable to look at the person in front of you.

The problem with not looking at the eyes, I worry that they'll notice that my eyes are darting all over their face so to speak.

I'm also quite afraid of making eye contact with others. I'm scared they'll think I was staring at them or something, so I usually try to avert my eyes unless I'm having a conversation with someone who is right in front of me.

I used to have a very severe fear of eye contact. It just felt physically painful to look some people in the eyes. I remember when I was befriending this one person back in high school, and looking at him was unbearable because he always tried to initiate eye contact, I sometimes had to cover my eyes with my hands in some way to avoid it.

I seem to have been able to move past that, forcing myself to do it via exposure, and now I can look people in the eyes. I tend to have another problem now however. When I talk to someone and look them in the eyes, I get "lost" in their eyes. I tend to become speechless and lose track of what I'm trying to say. It happens a lot when I go someplace and try to order something. I'll go to the cafe and be sure of what I want. But once I look in the cashier's eyes, I get stupefied, I get locked in, can't look away, and all of a sudden I'm fighting for the words, "I'll have a.. um... iced... mocha...um..." And I have to fight to remember each word. Making eye contact completely throws me and freezes my brain. Exposure doesn't seem to help this like it has helped me previously.

- EGD.