Selective mutism

Suilaid! I have Selective Mutism. How I got it was really...well, strange, I guess you could put it. I literally didn't have it one day, and then the next moment I did, and I had it MAJORLY bad. I seem to be able to pull myself out of it, extremely slightly, every now and then.
It's like, when not with my family, my brain locks up and can't fast enough to know how to keep up a conversation with anyone. Being like this, I KNOW makes other's who try and communicate with me think that I don't want any friends, but that is so the opposite of what I want.
Has anyone ever had this, and broken out of it somehow?
And I mean, really and truly had it. Some normaly shy people
confuse these social anxiety disorders with just plain normal shyness.
Anyway, I've been lonely as result of my becoming this way for about 8 years. That's almost a decade. That's too long.
Please, can anyone tell me how to REALLY get rid of this problem?
I'd appreciate it from the very bottom of my heart.
I want to be in charge of what descisions I make, not my social fears.

Thank you
Love She-elf

"A new day will come, and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer!
....Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why, but I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now. Folk in those stories had lots u chances u turnin back only they didn't, 'cause they were holdin onto somethin."
"What are we holding onto Sam?"
Hope.

Open your mouth and start talking, the subject can be whatever you want, it can be the subject of not being able to talk but just do it whatever it is and it will get better. The more you keep it in the worse it just gets. If you are afraid of what others will think, then your problem might not be mutism but something much more ordinary(worrying what people think). If it is not an ordinary problem, do what I just suggested and talk about not being able to. You seem to be able to type it fine so do the same with your mouth .

realurine@yahoo.com is where I can be reached because I don't think I'll remember this site after I X out, for replies back. If you're put off by the email account, then you're an idiot.

Thank you.

-Me-

uh, yeah, thanks -Me-...
You don't have social problems yourself do ya?

Just talk huh? That's exactly what I'm trying to
say I CAN'T do. If I coulda done it already I would have. Trust me.

Have you any idea what talking about not being able to
talk to others does? People stare at you, look at you like your nuts,
and they practically NEVER understand. They always
your just "shy," and they know what you're going through,
but they don't. It's obvious.

There is a GREAT difference in talking over computers
and talking to people in person.

I know my problem's not ordinary. I've had it long enough to know that.

I kinda have this problem also, kind of i new thing i think, or maybe i just never bothered to try as hard to talk to people b4...

I find myself really wanting to talk and really strugeling to get the words out, but just cant do it. Makes me feel really bad, especially when most people do just think all you need to do is just open your mouth and start talking.

I can relate to the people just think your shy or nevous and just laugh it off, guess they just dont relise the amount of effot you put into trying to say something to them and how bad it makes you feel about yourself when you cant. Think alot of people just dont realise and try to handle the situation the best they can.

Dont really know what to do myself, just hope if i keep trying it will eventually get better.

To she-elf:

Like asa, I can't really offer any advice on how to remedy the problem, but I can relate. **Also can relate to the frustration you experience when people say that you should just talk, as though you'll say with all gratitude, "OH, all I have to do is talk?!? And here I was thinking I had a problem."**
(Apologies to Me, but it just doesn't work like that.)
I've been given the advice that you should just try going out a little more every day (or other incremental periods of time) in the attempt to stretch your capacity for interaction, but this hasn't worked for me. (In fact, it's led to troubles where I get involved in things I can't carry through because of persistent communication troubles.)

I guess there's no point in saying anything but that I can relate to every word you wrote in your reply to Me. It is a perfect expression of the frustration and hopelessness. Like you, I would really like someone to be able to explain it and tell me (and you and everyone else with this problem, which is very much isolating in itself so it's hard to find people who even come close to understanding) how to fix it.

I had never really thought of calling my experience "selective mutism." I think the only person I don't experience what you've described is with is my husband. It's definitely gotten worse, though I've been very withdrawn even from smallest childhood -- always the "one who doesn't talk." (described in yearbook--"she's a quiet little lass, we hardly know she's in our class" cringe)

I have a job where I live in fear of the times when people are on break, or the computers are down, and everyone seems insistent on chatter and I just get paralyzed and don't say anything and people think I'm so weird, and offensive in my silence. And there's no one I can talk to about it, because I haven't connected with anyone there. So I have no idea what their impressions of me are, and how precarious my position is. I had to drop out of school because I was so scared of class discussion (though oddly, although I get nervous, I am quite capable of giving a damn decent speech). Really, though, I am a good student so it's a shame, but I'm trying to build myself up to going back.

Maybe a really good counselor would be able to explain this. But I have little faith in the quality of most counselors' help, as it's invariably failed me in the past.

No advice I guess, just some shared experience (though I don't want to imply -same- experience, because nobody can really know exactly another's internal struggles)

I will try to do some research and see if I can find some good advice.

best to you she-elf, from a fellow mythical creature (the gnome)



daurmanasya

Thanks asa and daurmanasya.

*I What I do is pray, have faith and the Lord helps me.
He's patient with me, and I know he understands.
I find my greatest strength in him, and that's as it should be.*

Though, there is something that I think might be helpful,
that I'm going to try this weekend. It's called One Brain.
It difuses you of old pains and helps you to get rid of
mental problems, like if you have a conditioning problem,
or a consistent fear of something. I know this stuff works,
'cause it helped my younger brother, after just one session,
though many sessions of course is preferrable, for greater amounts of help with whatever problems your wanting to get rid of.

I know this wont trouble me or anyone else forever. I firmly believe
that anyone who has these kinds of problems can find help
for them.
I don't know exactly what happened to me that made me this way,
but it was like something just snapped(I guess you could say)out of place. If something could JUST snap, because of one little incident, even though we don't what that incident might be sometimes, I believe that another incident, a good incident, can come along that will snap or really help to snap what's wrong back into place, and that we'll all be okay again.

I know the Lord didn't send me, or anyone else here to earth just to become helplessly tied down by this thing. No, he sent us here with a purpose: To succed gloriously! and to also, with his help, overcome our weaknesses.
And by golly, I'm going to, I will! Because I know the Lord doesn't send his children to do something witout providing a way for them to accomplish that thing. He will help me. I know this. I've followed him, and he has never left me alone, and I know that he never will.
I have that knowledge, and that faith in him.

Good luck to everyone else! Don't give up! The cure is out there!

its not that simple as "snapping back into place" its all about our brains, how they were built in our moms stomachs, and the chemicals inside them, simply talking about things wont help unless you build it up like someone here said, over the course of many years...
dont mean to bring up a religious issue on here, but, we're not here for anything, we're just ants living in a little ant farm, we're not really accomplishing anything...if he wanted you to be fixed, he wouldn't have created any of us like this in the first place, kind of like people that are dying, if they're religious they're most likely praying, but they still die anyways, doesn't seem to do much...

the best thing you could do is go out and talk, at first dont jump right into conversations maybe just "sit out" and listen to the topics that are being discussed and then join in....or if theyre real friends explain your problem if they say anything about it

That is soo me.. I have that mental lock up when I'm near people and constantly fear not knowing what to say. Its bothering me heaps and has been so bad I had to quit my last job as I was paranoid about what people were thinking of me.

I worry about 'not knowing what to say' all the time, like a constant worry in my head 24 hrs a day that I can't get out of..

When I talk, i feel like I have to recite it and I can't think of things on the spot..Its interfering with my work life

I opt to be alone where I don't have to talk to anyone and thats the only time I can relax.

I feel soooo wierd.. Its like I want to talk, but I don't know what to say.

I'm enrolling into a small talk class.. I hope it helps.

Harrah! So, it's not just me. I have the same symptoms most of you are describing here. I can't tell you how amazing it is to know that there actually is something more to my problem than just being shy and unwilling to open my mouth and talk to people.

I've been this way all of my life. I, too, find the words just won't come when I'm in social situations. I try and try to think of things to say and do, even trying to plan them in advance but when it comes time to talk, I freeze and can't for the life of me think of anything to say.

I am soooooo sick of hearing "just open your mouth and talk". I have heard that from my parents forever, the very few friends I've managed to have in my life as well as 3 psychiatrists. I still can't believe the professionals I went to for help wouldn't even try to understand what I was telling them was happening to me and would constantly say all I have to do is open my mouth and talk.

NO ONE has ever understood when I've tried to explain my problem. In fact, just the other day I got into yet another disagreement with my Mother because she told me I was purposely holding myself back and all I had to do was talk. I can't tell you how many times we've had that argument in my 30 years.

Thank you for letting me see that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy.

Sadly, I don't know the answer since no one has been able to even agree with me that I have a real problem. I we all are able to find help someday so we can free ourselves from this mental prison.