help for a friend. no idea whats wrong

wow my third topic

right my friend (i wont use his name here) is a little strange. he is great, if you are on his good side. i have known him over pretty much the whole of my life im 16 and he is 14 now and i have known him since he was 4, so quite a while now lol. anyway this is where im probably going to start to be a little unorganised but ill do mt best.

ok over the years i have slowly watched my friend turn from quite a happy outgoing guy into a slightly moody, very unhappy at times, shy person.

he has a strange outlook on life, for example, i know he gets bullied (unfortunatly i cant help as im at college and he is at school). he wont tell me what they do because he is EXTREMELY secretive about all this, but i know its the majority of people he sees at school. he thinks its his name tho and i can understand why because thay call him shaun the sheep. but they cant just bully him because of his name. teachers are soooooooooo useles as i know from personal expirience many times and so does he.

so right now more than ever he is very alone with this, as i have been told many time by him that the only people he can trust are me his mum most of the time and his brother. he is so alone because he wont tell anyone but me it seems about it and his brother a little. and non of us can help:

his brother live miles away and has a really busy life of his own

im at college and am really working hard on problems of my own right now

and although he trusts his mum, he wont tell her because she will probably just tell his stepdad which he really doesnt get on with and fears even he will bully him a little. plus his mum would only go to the useles teachers about it.

so he is pretty stuck. he has been complaining for a long time about not having any money, so i told him he should get a job. he said he wants money but not a job. im not stupid and i know him very well and i KNOW that is just a cover up for him being scared to go out and meet people. anyway i managed to talk him round to doing it as long as i went with him, yes i do feel like his father sometimes, i might as well be.

thats another thing i know he hasnt had a very good expirience with fathers because his mum and dad split up and he didnt like his dad at all and hasnt like any stepdads he's had so far, so it feels silly for me to say this but its almost like he has adopted me as a dad whithout saying anything. although its a great compliment, to me it just sets off alarm bells that he really needs my help.

now he has grown into a very timid person and you can see it in his eyes sometimes when someone talks to him, he is so worried about what they will say or do.

im so sorry ive just had a complete mentle block so im going to stop here. if you need more information then just ask for it and ill type some more up here for you. all i want to know is how i can help him whithout making him feel awful or embarassing him or myself as he has no idea im writing this at all.

there really was something else really big to put here, the problem is probably worse than i made it sound here so take that into account. i have AS and even i feel sorry for him sometimes. basically i just need some advice again and i know this forum is very good for this kind of thing .

oh yeah and i dont mean to have a go at teachers but there really isnt alot they can do apart from tell the bullies to stop. and then they will just continue another time. and they will certainly not help out of school. i know this from personal expirience even when i actually aksed them to help they even said there wasnt much more they could do.

i wrote more on his problem than mine lol, the 1 that brought me to this forum .

Hi,

Teachers will probably not be bothered doing anything in this issue because they have to look after 20+ children at the same time. Thus, their actions will be based on what the greater good for the group would be, rather than for any individual. Anyway, this guys sounds a bit like I was at his age and I therefore know what he is feeling inside. All you can do is be his friend, but don't criticise him for being the way he is. He will see the 'light' in his own time. Just talk to him like, for example, asking him how his weekend was, or did he find his homework difficult or easy. Just ask simple questions.

Kevin

ok cool thats pretty much what i have been doing so its good to know im doing ok with it right now.

i know its probably a stupid question but do you have any ideas what i can say to him if he comes to me 1 day about this whole thing and wants me to help, because he may well do that cos he does it with other things. and i just wont have any ideas to tell him other than stuff that will only boost his ego for a while until the next time something happens.

Hi,

If he comes to you about this problem, just be prepared to let him talk and do not interrupt him. Once he finishes what he has to say, then you just basically go over what he said and sympathise with him. For example, if he comes to you and says that "'Jason' has been really annoying me today, calling me names", then you should reply with: "Yes, Jason can be cruel like that sometimes. You're right to be upset by it". Do you understand what Im' getting at here?

i know what you mean, but its just frustrating knowing that i cant really do anymore. thanks for the help tho .