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intense anxiety about sexual attraction

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intense anxiety about sexual attraction

Postby emptyvessel » Sun May 11, 2008 6:42 am

does anyone else have this problem? it's at the top of my list. i'm constantly paranoid that people think i'm into them, especially if i am, and that they're disgusted by it. it shouldn't MATTER all that much, we're all human and whatev... but no matter how much i keep my distance and am respectful etc, i still get horribly anxious and embarrassed about it, worried that they know, especially if theyre obviously not interested. i don't care that they're not attracted to me, i care that they might know that i'm attracted to them and as a result think i'm pathetic. or even that other people might know and think i'm pathetic. it freaks me out and i try to build an image of being frigid, asexual, disinterested, so people will respect me.
i wish i could get past this...
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Postby jasmin » Sun May 11, 2008 7:05 am

Hey, emptyvessel! I think I've felt this way too. I just want/wanted people to leave me alone about it and I felt freaked out by the thought that someone would know that I liked them. Maybe you've had a bad experience with something like this.
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Postby brandonrf1 » Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:09 am

I have the same problem. Whenever I'm around girls I'm afraid they are going to misinterpret what I say as sexual or think I'm thinking about them naked and they will be repulsed by me. Even if it's a cashier at a store or something. I avoid eye contact and looking at them at all, so they won't think I'm looking at their breasts or something. I'm really paranoid about it, that's why I have so much trouble talking to and just being around girls. And if I like them and want to ask them out or something I'm afraid they will think I only want sex or that I just like them for their body...I don't think that way, that's the really frustrating part. I can't get passed it either.
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Postby ON_THE_EDGE » Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:12 am

Yes, me too. I think anyone of the opposite sex will interpret any attention as "they want to have sex with me" .

I can recall trying to start a casual conversation (Like, how are you doing?) with some gal, and she blurts out "I have a boyfriend".

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
Disclaimer: Any advice or comments that I give are not meant to cause harm or upset anyone. And if it does, I apologize. After all, it is my opinion, and my perspective. Feel free to get other opinions. My posts are based on part wisdom, part common sense, and part assumption.
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Postby xillah » Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:30 am

I thought I was the only one. *sigh of relief...sort of*

I despise my partner in Forensics Lab--partially because he's kind of a douche--but also because I'm conviced he thinks I want him--which I *really*don't.

We were doing fingerprinting in lab and I was quite proud of myself for being very businesslike about touching another person's hands but when it was his turn to practice on me, he was all squeamish about the hand contact and eventually told me I could fingerprint myself. I'm not exaggerating this one. His fingers hovered over my wrist, when he's supposed to actively roll each of my fingers.

I'm not gross. Not dirty. I wasn't thinking of names for future children... WTF? It's like he didn't want to *look* like he was enjoying the hand contact or something. It made me really mad. What did I ever do to get treated like a disease?

LOL! Maybe he's the one with SAD. Poor guy. :roll:
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Postby Iced » Thu Oct 16, 2008 3:02 am

Eww hand contact! Girls have cooties!!
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Postby Guitarman » Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:06 pm

This problem has bugged be fopr years too.

You get torn inside because it is something that you desire so badly yet you are too afraid of to do.

You think that my showing a girl that you are interested in her she will be disgusted and never talk to you again. She will then spread rumours to all her friends henchforth making you incredibly unpopular and disliked.

Almost all of us on the forum KNOW that this is a complete and utter load of rubbish but yet despite our knowledge our inner belief's tell us otherwise.

They tell us to be afraid of women, to steer clear of them because of all the bad consequences you will reap from talking to them and showing affection for them.

Most likely this corrupted mental framework has been developed over years and has been caused by a series of usually minor events in the past. These minor events have taught you to act in certain ways which you believe are the right ways to act around women.
Born from lust
Turn to dust
Born from sin
Come on in
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Re: intense anxiety about sexual attraction

Postby matchless » Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:54 pm

I remember feeling like this years ago. It was like a fear of being busted for having it show that I was attracted to women. One thing to keep in mind is that they not only expect us to be sexually attracted to them--they like us to be. After all, they're sexually attracted to us, too.

I've been on Nardil 60mg/day for almost 15 years, and although it cuts my sex drive about in half, it is great for building confidence. It takes enough of your inhibition away so you can get yourself into situations where you're interacting with and approaching desirable women. And after you've been out with one or two pretty ones, the others seem easy. If you get rejected, you don't care so much, because you know far more desirable ones have already gone out with you, been to bed with you, etc.

Don't worry. Get someone who knows what he's doing, get on the right meds, and you'll do things you don't even imagine are possible. I know they like the SSRI's these days, and one big advantage of them is that you can mix in Wellbutrin to keep your sex drive healthy. But I think the Nardil is actually more powerful. A lot of pdocs overreact to the dietary restrictions of MAOI's. I've never had the slightest problem with a blood pressure crisis, and I'm not that careful about what I eat. They also tend to underdose with it--for most people, 1 mg./day for every 3 lb. body weight is about right. Nardil also takes care of some types of depression and can give you a little more energy, which are bonuses.
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Re:

Postby cloudy » Fri Jan 14, 2011 11:48 am

Guitarman wrote:You get torn inside because it is something that you desire so badly yet you are too afraid of to do.




same here.

I have issues around a)showing people I'm attracted to them and b)them showing interest in me.

For some reason the whole thing makes me feel nauseous and want to run away. The idea of someone liking me seems absurd and it feels uncomfortable. Also I try my best to never show I like anyone. Yet I get depressed that I am always single even though I know my behaviour is illogical. It is strange how you can feel so torn, from a distance sexual attraction seems nice....but when it comes to the crunch and its time to act on it....I can't seem to do it.
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Re: intense anxiety about sexual attraction

Postby Listener » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:33 am

This has been an issue for me for a long time. During my teens especially I was terrified that my sexual and romantic feelings would be exposed. I couldn't share them with anyone. I was jealous of the guys who had girlfriends, but I was equally jealous of their apparent ease of expressing their feelings. No fear, no shame.

I'm a little bit better than I used to be. Main problem now is that I've almost totally dropped out of society, so my interactions with girls are few and far between.
You have to let it all go. Fear. Doubt. Disbelief. Free Your Mind.
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