Hello there . . . OK so I think I have social phobia. I haven't been diagnosed with it but my doctor said that I might have it, and after researching SP, it seems to be obvious that I do . . . I could identify with all the symptoms.
Since I was a small child I've had this intense fear of social situations where I'm expected to talk. School is where it was worst (and it's just as bad now, in college). When I did say anything it was usually very quietly (I'm like this with pretty much everybody except my family and few close friends). When I'm at the center of attention I get terrified. I can never start a conversation people who are new to me (and rarely with members of my extended family). This is not just because of the phobia, but because I've so withdrawn all my life I wouldn't know what to say. I mean it's only recently that I've been able to order a drink or pay at the supermarket without getting [/i]too[i] frightened.
Although I enjoy my solitude and don't wish to have hundreds of friends I really want to get over this thing (which has also caused a lot of depression, self-harm, alcohol abuse etc.). What really, really frustrates is that I'm not doing what I want to be doing, and I feel like life is living me (i.e. I just follow this same old routine) rather than the other way around.
How do I start? What do I do? Should I just try to fight it and see what happens? I would talk to a psychiatrist about all this, but I've been unable to open up.