What should I do?

Hello there . . . OK so I think I have social phobia. I haven't been diagnosed with it but my doctor said that I might have it, and after researching SP, it seems to be obvious that I do . . . I could identify with all the symptoms.

Since I was a small child I've had this intense fear of social situations where I'm expected to talk. School is where it was worst (and it's just as bad now, in college). When I did say anything it was usually very quietly (I'm like this with pretty much everybody except my family and few close friends). When I'm at the center of attention I get terrified. I can never start a conversation people who are new to me (and rarely with members of my extended family). This is not just because of the phobia, but because I've so withdrawn all my life I wouldn't know what to say. I mean it's only recently that I've been able to order a drink or pay at the supermarket without getting [/i]too[i] frightened.

Although I enjoy my solitude and don't wish to have hundreds of friends I really want to get over this thing (which has also caused a lot of depression, self-harm, alcohol abuse etc.). What really, really frustrates is that I'm not doing what I want to be doing, and I feel like life is living me (i.e. I just follow this same old routine) rather than the other way around.

How do I start? What do I do? Should I just try to fight it and see what happens? I would talk to a psychiatrist about all this, but I've been unable to open up.

Hey, guydebord! Welcome to the forum. You could try to talk to a therapist again, but there are things you could do for yourself. I can get very anxious when I have to leave the house and deal with new people. I think working out and trying to take a little walk almost every day has helped me.
You can take small steps and do something that you feel a bit more comfortable with, like talking to someone at the supermarket or at a store. Go out every day and do things that you're comfortable with and maybe you'll get stronger.

Welcome guydebord, as I adamantly support, until you know yourself and accept everything about you, change will come "accidentally" instead of assertively. Only you can change yourself. Other people may say things that elude to them providing the change for you, but YOU are the one who listened, understood, and applied the techniques you deemed important to make the change.

In response to your social phobia, I have a few suggestions. I am a performer, so I have to do things in front of large groups of people. In a way, you have to learn how to step outside of yourself and act, if this is something that appeals to you. If you have ever imagined yourself as another person, maybe more confident, outgoing, etc. you would adopt their mannerisms and attitude in your own experience. This is the basics of acting, research, relating, and applying. Find a character on TV that is practically over-the-top and adopt their mannerisms. Eventually, if you master this, you will find you don't need to be over-the-top and can speak any way you want. It will be then that you have found your voice.

Also, if it is something where you find the words are difficult to manifest, you can buy a recorder, record yourself in the privacy of your room where you play the other person, whoever that may be (acting will help here), and come up with all kinds of scenarios where you could find yourself interacting with other people.

Also, I must ask, what do you have to lose? What are you holding onto so tightly that you fear losing if you relax a bit? Do you respect your quiet and introspective characteristics and cherish them deeply? If so, why worry about fitting into the social norm? Find value in the silence, the softspoken, and the thoughts. When you relax and accept this, the words will come easier, you will only focus on pleasing yourself, and thus more people will see your confidence because it doesn't matter what they think.

All the best!

Now what you should be straight out to yourself is ,you are an introvert ,and you have a fear of speaking to anyone who is new to you .Ok ,this is you , this is who you are .In the basis of this kind of personality ,you wanna make a few more friends and properly arranged your life .This is great! Then the key question is how could you get the life like you aren’t bothered by your introversive personality ,aren’t depressed for timidity or in a panic for the inconstancy of life .See ,this kind of life can’t be possessed just because of your resistance or fight agianst your social phobia .It is the acceptance of all of yourself including the flawed part at which is looked from the point of view of the crowd that will give you peace .The confidence which is builded on the acknowledgement of yourself is the endless power to support you to pursue the things you like to do .
No matter what the others say ,an ironclad fact is that everything in this world has two sides .Never lose your confidence under any circumstance, no matter for you ,the others or the whole world .When you are in the shadow of your life,I am very glad to remind you of the bright side of it .Everyday the life gives us a lot of tests These tests can’t be treated as the stuff we should fight .They are only a subject for us to introspect.
Remember,to fight is an opposite direction from fear-free life .I believe you know the Newton’s Law .Action and reaction are equal and opposite.Here I quote this to explain how ultimate the mental action represent this nature law. So accept yourself .Be yourself .And do believe that no one else can take the place of your existance .