Physical effects of social stress?

Hi,

I am not sure where this goes, but seems ok here....
(oops, I rambled off subject a bit down below)

My social anxiety is about constantly analyzing my situation. I heard that dumb people with my problem go crazy, and geniuses with my problem are unusually brilliant. I am somewhere in the middle, I am very good at some things, but my whole head will overheat after about 15 minutes of social stress, and I'll have to cool down for the rest of the day.

I have found that when I 'break through' a social anxiety symptom, it involves the flexing of muscles in my body, the same for each type of anxiety, but different for each. Also, when I went through learning how to stretch from tv yoga shows, I found that certain muscles would be tense based on certain social stresses.

The reason I have social anxiety is because I am really two people. One is a selfish, obnoxious, careless, engaging, controlling, unashamed, physically violent person, and the other is a caring, sensitive, shy, self-aware, polite, mentally exhausted, honest, and serious person with social anxiety.

I don't want to hurt the people around me any more, but the social stress is ruining my life. The only way to be the good person I want to be is to always watch my actions and thoughts, and after 20 years this has not gotten any easier, and I keep letting go to see if anything has changed, and I always end up hurting people.

I don't have the money for psychiatry, psychologists don't help, and the psychotherapy drugs I have taken seem to have side-effects that outweigh the benefits.

I have recently tried systems such as meditating and re-training myself to think the right way, but the problem is, my social anxiety is only a symptom of what I explained above.

Does anyone here know how to be carefree without causing destruction like I have? Should I stop relaxing around people? Should I stay relaxed around people and just get experienced, hoping everyone I hurt along the way will forgive me later? Should I spend my money on a psychiatrist instead of buying food and paying utilities? Should I go into debt?

You might want to check if there's a Community Health/Mental health center in your area that can assist people with limited resources. There's even some free clinics popping up for the uninsured. Or you could go see a family doctor if you can scrape up enough for an office visit (maybe $60-80) and tell him/her your anxiety is causing physical and relationship problems. Usually the first step is to get a bodily checkup anyway and they might be able to give you some ideas on how to proceed. It may be hard to convey it all to a Dr. in an exam room but don't be afraid to write it out first and/or take some notes along. Probably better to keep knocking on doors and seeking answers than to stay in a rut feeling helpless/hopeless.

Alright, sounds good...
Except, is there something I can do without leaving my home or using the phone?
thanks