I'm not really living my life because of social anxiety.

I'm sure a lot of you here can relate to me.

Since I've never posted here before I think I should tell you a little bit about me. I am female, 23 years old, and I like most things about myself. I'm a nice person, reasonably intelligent, responsible, and can be funny and entertaining when I'm comfortable with someone.

The problem is: For my entire life, I have had incredible difficulty forming relationships of any kind with other people. I've only had a few good friends. As it stands today, I have zero friends. I have never had a boyfriend. Yes, that means I'm a virgin and totally inexperienced with sex and dating at an age where most people have already been having relationships for 5-10 years. It's horribly embarrassing and I'm almost afraid to date now because I'm so awkward about it.

When I was in school I seemed at least able to make friends but somehow I have regressed at socializing to the point where I am too shy to let someone get to know me enough even for friendship, much less for a relationship. I find myself actually trying to drive people away because I'm so ashamed of my lack of social skills that I don't even want to try. This has to stop. This is frustrating to me because I feel like I'm wasting my youth.

I want to be out having fun with people my age, trying new things, having a sex life, all that stuff that people in their 20s are famous for.

I've tried going out and meeting people but it's always, always a horrible experience. I don't like to drink and it seems like my only options are like...the bar, or the library. I'm also a student, and I've made a few casual friends there.

Anyway, I have complained enough, and although I'm young I'm old enough to know that no matter what problems you have, they are never solved unless you be proactive and take action towards solving them.

That said:

Do you have any suggestions that have worked for you in being more confident and comfortable around new people?

Have you had success meeting new people in a place I haven't mentioned?

And finally: If you relate to what I'm saying, do you want to talk to me and become friends?

If so, PM me

Thanks for reading.

I was a lot like you at your age. Now I am frozen at age 39 ( I REFUSE to turn 40) and pretty much alone. I have a tried a couple of relationships with disfunctonal women that did not work out too well. I am seem to be even more afraid of women now.

I managed to get a job working around a lot of people though. Now I can interact with people better, at least for a short time. Being with someone for a few hours can be tough though.

Do you have a job? Maybe you can get one that forces you to interact with people. If that is too hard, maybe you can do some volunteer work. I know a woman from a site like this and she volunteered in a hospital gift shop. It got her to interact and she was able to work just a few short shifts a week.

Have you read about CBT therapy? I don't go to therapists, but I have read about it and that helps with social anxiety.

edit: what did I do?

I do work, which is good. Does CBT stand for cognitive behavioral therapy?

Yes. Cognitave behavioral therapy. It usually helps quite a bit. If not, you can combine it with medication. I personally don't like to take any medication, but I would if I felt bad enough.

yeah social anxiety sucks. you cant be your good self. its weird because im so outgoing now, but i didnt used to be. my social anxeity was a part of my bipolar depression. but now im on lithium and im not socially anxious. i mean sure a little bit but to be honest everyone is slighty at one time or another.

not having social anxiety is a sweet feeling!

First, being a virgin or inexperienced is nothing to be embarrassed
about... ask yourself why you are, and try to work at it. Also, try to
find out why you feel anxious, what you are worried about, and so
on and try to come to terms with it. I suppose this is like doing your
own CBT. It works to some extent, although it takes time.

There are many drugs that can help, although you may have to try
several until you find one that's worthwhile (benefits that outweigh
the disadvantages).

sum1 wrote:First, being a virgin or inexperienced is nothing to be embarrassed
about... ask yourself why you are, and try to work at it. Also, try to
find out why you feel anxious, what you are worried about, and so
on and try to come to terms with it. I suppose this is like doing your
own CBT. It works to some extent, although it takes time.

There are many drugs that can help, although you may have to try
several until you find one that's worthwhile (benefits that outweigh
the disadvantages).

sum1,
who is talking about virgins or sex?

Drugs are very effective along with very good therapy.

red

SmallTalkRed wrote:sum1,
who is talking about virgins or sex?

The person who started this thread... I'm sure you already
read her opening post, but you must have skipped some it.

I'm really for the forced interaction with people. I got my job at a busy grocery store a year ago (im 16). When I first started, my socializing skills were bad, it was a little scary at first I guess, but it got easier as time went on. I didn't know how to interact with people, or atleast it seemed I forgot how to or missed learning experiences due to my 2 year self-isolation. Even though it still gets me anxious being there, I guess that's just me, but it's nothing I can't deal with. It really helped me at school with socialization, and motivated me more to go out on weekends and so with friends and people.

Hopefully this is a possibility for you, it'll be tough at first, but it's a great way to learn to get comfortable with yourself around others, and meanwhile you'll make friends with co-workers too.

If it isn't, there's other options to communicate face to face with people. If you do something long enough, eventually you'll be comfortable with yourself and others. It can only get better Now get out there and do it, before this goes on any longer. You know you can do it, and so do I.