Supreme childhood discomfort saying please and thank you

As a young boy, I found it extremely uncomfortable to say please and thank you. As I remember it, I always had to be told “What do you say?” and even then I wouldn’t necessarily say it, or I would delay as long as possible until I said it with squirming discomfort.

The memory that most sticks with me is from nursery school. Having unbuttoned and rolled up my shirt sleeves in order to wash my hands after using the bathroom, I then asked my teacher to button them back up, as I hadn’t yet learned how to do it. She kept asking “What do you say?” and, as I remember, I kept silent and went home with unbuttoned sleeves.

Eventually I got over this, but not completely. Even now at 55 I feel uncomfortable and often avoid saying please and thank you to my parents. It’s easy enough to say “thank you” after receiving a gift, for example. But I still often literally cringe (with my face turned away) when I thank my mom for, say, dinner. (It’s as if the cringe is relieving me or releasing from me some sort of difficult energy.)

Does anyone have any insight into the cause of this behavior?

Hello, and welcome.

Do you feel uncomfortable in social situations, otherwise? Outside of please/thank you?

Snaga wrote:Hello, and welcome.

Do you feel uncomfortable in social situations, otherwise? Outside of please/thank you?

Occasionally in the present, but very, very often in the past, especially childhood, which is the time period I'm focused on with my question. I was considered a rather shy child.

I was asking about social situations in general on account of I was wondering if this was the most suitable forum \. Did the discomfort begin with the incident at school, or were you already like that?

Snaga wrote:I was asking about social situations in general on account of I was wondering if this was the most suitable forum \. Did the discomfort begin with the incident at school, or were you already like that?

That's a good question. This is the first time I remember my discomfort surrounding saying please and thank you, but my hunch is that it isn't the first time it occurred. Perhaps I've remembered it because it was the first time I was held accountable in this way by someone other than a parent or other close relative; perhaps it was the first time someone didn't do what I asked them to do as a result of my staying silent.

What forum might you recommend I move this to?

Well, moving it would be a moderator decision. I was wondering what the root cause would be. I didn't know if this could be some sort of oppositional defiance, or something other than something rooted in social anxiety.