Beyond devastated at redundancy

I am devastated to have been made redundant from my workplace.

I have suffered from social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have lost the best job I’ve ever had and the best therapy I have ever had for my anxiety.

I passed my first ever interview (I’m 32 years old now) to get a job that was perfect for my anxiety, because I had a small office with two people I got on really well with. We were all new and there were no pre-established relationships, which enabled me to express myself. I started in November last year.

One colleague in particular, Lauren, I got on incredibly well with. We would laugh, joke, chat, mess around, and spend our lunch breaks together.

A couple of months into her employment (she started three-and-a-half months after me), she disclosed to me that she is pregnant and is going to have an abortion. I was the first person she told at the company and she also told me afterwards that she was incredibly anxious to come in and needed my support, without which, she may not have felt comfortable in returning to work. Four days later she told our manager as well.

I put my all into supporting Lauren, energy, effort, emotion, time, she cried in my arms twice, I would text her before her appointments to wish her luck and best wishes, and I bought her a set of anxiety necklaces.

Out of the blue, on 27th June, the Managing Director entered the room and told me I was being made redundant due to a ‘significant downturn in sales’. Whenever I have asked both my Managing Director and my Manager, why I was chosen ahead of Lauren, they blank me. However, my manager, later told Lauren that they chose to let me go, because they didn’t want to put her through anymore stress, due to her abortion. My union have since informed me that this is likely illegal, as it sounds like ‘Gender discrimination’. I have not taken this forward, because I made a promise to Lauren, that I would not tell anyone about her abortion and in taking action against my employer, it would open a can of worms and everyone would find out.

I am devastated that having lost my job, neither my manager, nor Lauren, have reached out to check up on me. I reached out to Lauren after my dismissal via text and the response I received was ‘I feel awful for you, but I don’t know what to say’. After everything I gave in supporting Lauren, I feel heartbroken. My manager wrote in my leaving card ‘Thank you for the endless support you’ve given me’. But neither have felt the need to reach out to me when I need their support. They see my empty desk everyday, do they not look at it and think to themselves ‘Poor Tom, I wonder how he is?’.

hello, and welcome!

Well, it's purely up to you whether you wish to pursue the legality of losing your job, or not. I would not let my promise stop me from claiming my worker's rights, however. I would avoid the 'A' word unless I just had to- but I don't see why you would have to do that. Managers already know about her- I would tell the union that they reportedly favored her because her personal life had been rough, and leave it at that until more was needed.

But my promise not to be a gossip about your personal choices, doesn't extend to giving up my job for your feelings.