Eating, Social Problem..

Not sure if this is the right place. I am an 18 year old-male and I have had this wierd problem with eating with others for what seems like forever.

I don't know if this has anything to do with me being shy, but I can never eat when I'm in the presence of other people. I never grew up eating with family, but when I do - I usually have no problem. I managed to eat lunch during highschool alright, but that's mostly because I got familiar with it after so many years. If i'm in a complete new place, I can never do it. And at highschool, I mostly ate with 1 or 2 people anyway, I never had many friends - which leads to the next problem..

I also went through highschool with very few social links compared to elementary school. I've only been outside with friends about five times in four years. 2 of them were with people I don't talk to anymore, and the last three were all this summer.. which seemed more like going away events. Even going to all these events, I always felt like the odd one out and lonely. The only person I could truely call my friend also moved to another country. I have a year off to try to find work to save up for college which I will be starting next September. I will have to live on campus though, and I am dreading it everyday even though it's very far from now. I don't plan on getting involved with drinking, drugs, the party scene and the random hooking up that seems to be so popular - and I'm worried about finding at least one good friend. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

Well, it may or may not help you to know that you're not the only one with a thing for not eating in front of others or people you don't know.
As for your current situation, I'm not really sure what to tell you. I personally enjoy time alone. In fact, I think in the last 4 - 5 years of my life I've gone out with a friend maybe....I'm willing to say twice.
But I understand what you mean when you say you feel like the odd one out - I've been feeling like that for 4 straight years, and it really can be hell after a while.
All I can really tell you is that if it's been getting better for me then I'm sure the same will happen for you. Keep up with these forums for a while because you can learn a lot and support can certainly be found here.

Thanks for the advice, will definitely be keeping up for a long time.

I don't know about you, but I am very territorial with my food. I cringe whenever someone takes food from the same pan I took food. I used to get disgusted whenever a family member would 'clean out' my plate by eating what I had left. Suffice it to say, I just figured I was not a social eater. I still get indigestion when I eat at caffeterias or other large social gatherings.

School can be a difficult time for a social phobia. When living conditions involve roommates, people I have known have said that their roommate became their biggest help when it came to coping. Well, if you're not lucky enough to have a good roommate study buddy, I'm not sure. At a college, I wouldn't imagine you would be required to eat in one spot, feel free to roam the campus, maybe you'll run into someone similar to you out there.

Remember to try a little, you're not likely to get many free handouts in life. But I suppose you are trying.

As a person recovering from an eating disorder who also has some social phobia...and food allergies and a vegetarian diet to boot, I similarly used to freeze up and couldn't eat in front of others. My hands would shake excessively to the point that I would almost spill my food. On multiple occasions my classmates at lunch would jokingly ask if I was on drugs, but I'd just play it off as "too much coffee, not enough sleep." A rather silly suggestion, but it worked for me, is to try putting a mirror in front of your eating space if you can. Pretending your reflection is someone that you are dining with, make some eye contact and observe yourself. Show yourself that you can look normal while eating and grow comfortable with social dining by perhaps noticing your table manners. No need to be formal, but knowing that your actions are socially acceptable and in keeping with cultural norms and manners can be a boost to your confidence. Also just starting out in casual settings like a pizzeria or diner where there are distractions and you can eat with your fingers can get you comfortable with eating in public.

I was mostly uncomfortable with eating in public because I am a slow eater and others always comment on this, and I felt scrutinized and awkward. What really helped me was studying in Europe (I'm American) where everyone relished the dining experience and ate slowly and always made an effort to engage everyone in conversation at the table. Enjoying your food is a very big part of being able to relax and ease your anxiety.

its also hard for me to eat n front of people, like my family i have no problem but someone a like i feel like there judging every move i make even though i know that they are not