Views please on my interaction

I have OCD, social anxiety lowself esteem, antidepressants seem to help a bit.

However I would not class the following as social anxiety or something else, i am not convinced its all anxiety.

In a mixed social group tonight of 9 adults
The topic of conversation comes to an end and small talk begins.

I hate small talk, I feel not good at it, my conversation does not normally flow especialy when in a group. I am not a lover of small talk and like conversing about things that interest me, or ask questions and passing on or gaining information, maybe not everyone elses cup of tea. And feel left out of the social interaction what I would class as depressed not part of whats going on.

Also i wanted to ask Becky if she had any contact details for Maria, as my phone number was out of date. Well i did not ask Becky as it did not feel right she seemed engaged in conversation, i hate barging in a conversation having push in, i just dont want too.

If someone challenged this is anxiety, i am not sure as i would push in to conversation, to prove i can do it, that i am not anxious. I just dont want have to, i hate having to be verbaly or physicaly pushy it does not feel right how want things to be Fighting for others attention. I end up with the label of social anxiety often because of my quiet nature it does not always feel right and can wind me up.

By this time i am down depressed about whats going on for me socialy or the lack of it, OCD? Everyone else seems engaged in conversation and i site their quietly.

My father is not a big conversationalist, and believe its not all due anxiety. He hates having to ask others, would like to get on with a task without involving others. I seem to have his ways of social interaction, but unlike my father want be involved with others. But if i dont push i wont be involved much socialy, but I dont want to push, and I cannot change other peiople to be less pushy therefore i dont fit in.

Is it social skills, sociability low self esteem is seems a very basic part of my personality, like part of my temperament.

And i can keep putting myself in social situations (exsposure therapy), but if there are more pushy people their, which is inevitable i feel not part of social interaction, (low self esteem, depressed) and the cycle continues even though i dont avoid the social situation. So may overcome social anxiety to some point only to find other problems underneath.

Iain

Have you ever thought that it's not you that's the problem, but instead the people you are associating with? You say you don't like small talk. I say then then that you should find other people that don't like small talk. You don't like pushy people? Find people who aren't pushy, etc. etc.

I'm not saying it's easy. I have very few friends, but I'd rather that than try to talk to some of the inane people I used to get so upset about not being able to fit in with.