social anxiety

Hello!
i am new here my name is Nando and i have always had general anxiety but more than anything i have a strong phobia of people, even though i love meeting new people and going out and having fun.

My main problem is that when i am around a big crowd 4 plus. I get out of my personal comfort zone and go into what i call spectator mode, i CANNOT do presentations or meetings that well. This has taken a huge toll on my life because i actually do really well in school and work but since i cannot say this in words I.E job interviews or seminars i usually do not have a equal opportunity.

i am not a good actor nor can i keep secrets and lie.

i have so many things i want to do but something inside me feels so strongly to refrain from speaking as much as possible. i do not care for small talk or intimacy really.

i just want to learn and exercise, explore . Most of all i just want to live in peace.

i am typing now because i would just like to research how many others can relate, as i do feel a bit isolated.