Cannot handle ANY criticism

Hi everyone, well as you can see I am new here and feeling very nervous. I hope that maybe people can relate to what I am going through and maybe even make new friends. I hope to not only get support but to give supprt to others too.

I suffer severe Anxiety, Intermittent Depression, Severe Social Anxiety and ‘Obsessive only’ OCD (called Pure O) every waking day....although if you met me you would never think it. Inside, I am going through HELL. I have never ever posted online or sought any help for my issues so this is really hard for me but I hope someone somewhere can help me even just a little bit.

To give a little bit of background I have always suffered with anxiety since I was a teenager, but never really knew what it was. I had a great childhood but was bullied at school. Growing up I was always the loud, popular, confident, pretty girl. I loved life. I was always the first one on the dance floor at parties and I was quite brainy. The issue? I had to be PERFECT at everything. I couldn’t handle being judged and for some strange reason I felt my worth could only be validated by being pretty and popular. This in turn caused a real deep issue with low self esteem. I was massively competitive and still am a huge perfectionist; so whilst this has been good for my career now, it has made it difficult for me to cope with any form of perceived or real failure. I have also had an extremely emotionally abusive ex partner who has left me with some mental scars.

My problems have only really been bad these last 5 or so years, in particular the sensitivity of criticism and self worth in terms of not recognising my achievements / doubting my abilities / critiscing everything I do in my head / an ‘I’m not good at anything’ attitude. Anyway... I would be so incredibly grateful for any insight, relative personal experiences, opinions or support from ANYONE if you can spare the time. Thank you and I hope I haven’t bored you already !!

My issues I need help with:-

1) I need EVERYONE to like me. If they don’t I feel a failure or feel they have clearly ‘seen right through me’, even though I am a good person. Why

2) I cannot handle any criticism AT ALL. If someone points out a mistake to me (ie. my boss!) I get extremely defensive and angry, I will NOT accept my mistake. Or if someone suggests a way I could do something better (not in a bossy way, they are just being nice!) I get angry and won’t accept what they say. Then ALL DAY I cannot stop obsessing over it and then the low, self critical, I’m useless, life is not worth living thoughts flood my mind for hours until I eventually forget about it. This is particularly hard to cope with

3) Extreme anxiety talking to anybody other than my partner and my family. EVERYONE is judging me. This gets worse if I have to speak to someone on my own, like I seem to be a lot better talking to people in groups; but the moment it is just me and one other person I feel the worst anxiety ever, cannot think of ANYTHING to say. Trying to think of things that they would find interesting but then panicking they are clocking on to the fact that I am ‘trying too hard’ and can see that I am anxious and then think I am a weirdo!

4) A HUGE HUGE HUGE obsession about being INTERESTING and FUN. If I talk to people I always feel like they are thinking OMG SHE IS SO BORING!! And a loser. This is fuelled by me not being able to think of anything to say and convo therefore doesn’t flow.

5) Big issue with authoritive figures. Cannot deal with the anxiety. Stutter A LOT!!!!

6) Everyone is thinking I am ugly and fat..judging my clothes, make up, hair etc etc.

7) Cannot deal with ANY SORT of failure, mistakes, criticism, from anybody..... get panicked and severe anxiety and depressed feelings if this happens

8 - I just like being at home. Oh and Awkward silences kill me!!!

Generally I love my life, but I feel sad. I have a good job, a wonderful partner who would and does do everything to make me happy, a great son who loves me, and a beautiful home with lovely holidays every year with my amazing famiy. So I have to try and push all the above to the back of my mind otherwise I would be constantly depressed and my family would suffer. I know that if my anxiety was taken away I’d be so happy and healthy!!!!

I am starting to wonder if I’m actually going through some sort of mental breakdown. What do you think? When I am am stressed all of the above gets worse. So maybe it is a nervous breakdown or at least I am close to one?? It’s all intermittent though so I am not sure.

Can anyone relate to the above? I hope i’m not crazy

Many thanks for listening everyone.

AGirlInNeed xxx

Welcome. I always thought that ego and self-esteem were one and the same, but they are not. You can have too much of one and not enough of the other.
Nobody really likes criticism. My boss will try to say something nice before talking about a 'concern'. This gives me time to think of my response in a measured way that doesn't absolve me of blame, but explains why things turned out the way they did.
It is give and take without getting crushed. The boss just wants to be informed about issues and timetables.
I also suffer from anxiety and depression. Those 2 seem to go together. The medication that I was on treated both. Therapy with a counselor also helped my perspective on interpersonal relationships as well.
For years I self-medicated my anxiety with alcohol. It wasn't a good result after it turned against me. I had a hard time asking for help or admitting defeat against alcoholism, but it is one of those things that I found out that I couldn't do alone.
I found solace in being alone and avoided people in order to avoid dealing with what they thought of me.
There is a feeling of shame about it that I had to deal with. I spent years doing penance for my mistakes and will always feel a little bit ashamed and regretful about the past. I was told that God forgives me, so why can't I forgive myself? There comes a time when I have to leave the regret behind and move forward.
Living with an inferiority-complex keeps you from being the whole person that you are fully meant to be.
You didn't mention whether you are in active therapy or taking meds to counter the anxiety, depression and Pure-O that you are dealing with. If you are stuck, I would suggest asking for help. Maybe starting with a thorough physical exam to rule out and chemical, hormonal or endocrine imbalances. Working on ourselves is a lifelong task.
Best of luck to you.

I can really relate to a lot of what you're saying. I am also extremely sensitive to any criticism and get over-burdened with the feeling that I have to be perfect in order for somebody to accept me or even like me, and I also get much worse around authority figures (don't have to be true authority figures like a boss or cop, just someone I imagine to be authoritative).

I feel an immense amount of shame when talking or interacting with people that I think have previously critiqued me, and I'm super-sensitive about it. I actually imagine taht some people dislike me based solely on their facial actions or off-hand comments about anything. It doesn't even have to be an actual criticism, I just think that it is. After that happens, I try to avoid the person so I won't have to writhe under their "judgmental" gaze. When I see them I'm prone to violent blushing and my mind completely blanks.

Unfortunately I don't have any advice on how to fix this, wish I did.