Feeling conflicted, I want friends but I'm too introverted?

For as long as I can remember, I have always been very introverted and very shy and had difficulty making friends. Btw, though I know they might seem similar introversion and shyness are two very different things. Being introverted means you like spending time alone while being shy means you have difficulty approaching others. In my case, I am both, which is not a good combination when it comes to making friends and interacting with others.

Anyway, I want to make friends but my introversion gets in the way. As I said I'm very introverted and I highly value my alone time. But, I also want to have friends, because even I get lonely sometimes and I do want to be valued, to be needed, not to die alone and be forgotten by the world because I never made any friends who would remember me. Ah, sorry, is that selfish? My dilemma is this though: while I want to have friends who I can talk to and spend time with I'm also reluctant to give up my free time and I'm afraid I'll wind up having little to no alone time at all. I know I can't have it both ways, to keep all my alone time and to have friends, but that's just the way I feel.

Also, I'm not very good at keeping up friendships. I rarely initiate conversation with my friends and tend to keep to myself unless they reach out to me. I feel badly about this because I know friendship is a two-way street and I don't mean to make the few friends I do have feel as though I don't care enough about them to call or text them or ask to hang out. I don't know why I never initiate things, I just don't. Maybe because I'm shy? Maybe because I'm afraid of seeming clingy or showing affection? It is true, I'll admit, that sometimes I have trouble showing affection to others because I guess I kinda see it as a weakness, admitting that I need others and want them around. I've gotten a bit better with it, but it's still kind of an issue. That, and, I also tend to get absorbed in what I'm doing to the point where I sorta forget to contact or call or text my friends. That or I choose not to because I'm more interested in whatever I'm currently doing by myself to contact or chat with my friends.

Even if I were to make more of an effort to interact with others and make friends, I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm super self-conscious and I always feel like I wind up looking dumb or weird whenever I try socializing. It seems like people just look at me funny while I'm talking, as though I've suddenly grown two heads or something! Is it me? Or just my social anxiety making it seem like people are looking at my funny? Maybe they look at my strangely because I am so quiet and so it's rare for me to talk to others. But how am I supposed to become less quiet and reserved if whenever I try to be more talkative others look at me strangely, making me want to just curl up and hide and less likely to try talking to others in the future? It's a vicious cycle. Besides that, I often think that I am not that interesting of a person, so who would want to be friends with me? It seems like others are always busy, too, either chatting with their other friends or listening to music or what-have-you. The ones who are busy talking to their friends I never approach because it's harder for me to approach people in groups and I figure they probably already have enough friends and don't want me as one. Also they probably don't want some random stranger intruding upon their conversation, either. The ones who look busy doing something else I don't approach because I feel they are busy doing something important, like studying, or are just relaxing and already preoccupied so I shouldn't bother them. Ah, I should mention, I'm in college btw. So it just seems like I'm boxed in on all sides and damned if I do and damned if I don't. Can anyone else having similar problems or who have been through something similar offer any advice for how to deal with this? I've been dealing with it my whole life and it feels too heavily rooted in my identity for me to change now. But I want to try becoming less shy and I want to have friends. Thank you so much, sorry for the long post...

I have similar issues. My established friends who have stuck with me over the years know I do not keep in regular contact and accept it. Any new friendships, cause me to run scared because I have not the energy reserves to maintain contact or enter into any obligations around this.

These may help. ( lighthearted approaches)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4I-nwdBjuw


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdG4f5Y3ugk