Why is eye contact is so hard for us?

I have always had this issue. I don't like looking people in the eyes. I'm sure others here feel the same way too. So I thought recently why is that so hard? Well I personally think it's because we feel we're not good enough and don't want the shame of seeing their reaction if we say or do something they think is dumb. What do you think about this? I would like to get better at this so please leave some ideas if you have any. I just think maybe it's a secondary issue you have to fix after you feel more confident internally.

Mariobro wrote: Well I personally think it's because we feel we're not good enough and don't want the shame of seeing their reaction if we say or do something they think is dumb.

Mariobro, unfortunately for a lot of people, we have lost that ability to maintain eye contact. When I was in high school and starting university doing drama studies, I was quite shy, and didn't really believe in myself. As you said, I felt I wasn't good enough to interject with my thoughts or opinions about something.

Whilst delivering a presentation to my class of 50, I couldn't look anyone in the eyes, in fear of losing my cool, and being seen as an idiot who doesn't know what he is on about. I looked up for about 5 seconds, and realised someone was giggling in the back. I saw them, they watched me like I was prey. Their laughs cutting me down into tiny pieces. My legs began to shake, and I trembled, but I still tried to push through my pain. It was like I was the nerdy kid in a film who nobody cared about, so everyone laughs.

What I learnt is that I have to change the way I viewed myself to bring about confidence to be able to look someone in the eye and state my opinion. I had to believe in myself first, and believe in what I was saying with heart.

Here's an exercise you can try and build up from. Look in the mirror and speak to yourself. "How beneficial is that to me?" you ask. I used to find it difficult to even look in the mirror myself when I first started using this technique. My room mate thought I was a crazy crazy. By talking to yourself, you begin to create a foundation level of being comfortable with yourself. Then move on to talking to someone else, and build it up.

I hope that gives you something to work with.

Tahrif wrote:
Here's an exercise you can try and build up from. Look in the mirror and speak to yourself. "How beneficial is that to me?" you ask. I used to find it difficult to even look in the mirror myself when I first started using this technique. My room mate thought I was a crazy crazy. By talking to yourself, you begin to create a foundation level of being comfortable with yourself. Then move on to talking to someone else, and build it up.

I hope that gives you something to work with.

I love that, that's a perspective I've never really thought about. It's something I actually do myself when I feel particularly lazy. I have to look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I work harder. Never thought about using it as a means of being comfortable with myself.