Don't know if that's the right name but I can't think of a better name to describe this.
I only have one close friend and she is the only one I can be with alone. I feel very uncomforteble around other people I don't know but when I'm with her I at least can stand it. It's impossible for me to meet people without her. I'm scared to death when I make plans with someone I don't know that well so I always tell them that I can't and I keep saying that until the person stops asking. I'm always nervous whem I'm outside, it feels like I'm walking funny, like I look weird, like my clothes are ugly. The sound of my own feet can drive me crazy cause I can't stop wondering if people are looking at me like I'm some sort of freak. When I'm alone in my room I feel calm cause no-one can judge me but at the same time I feel alone and worthless. I freak out when people laugh at me, even if it's actually funny and I myself would had laughed if it happened to someone else, I feel terrible and so ashamed.
I'm starting at a new school at the end of the summer, without my friend. Even though it's many weeks left I already feel nervous, I don't even know if I will be able to go.
My life has never been a "bad life", I don't get abused at home, I don't get bullied in school. Still, for some reason I'm terrified of other people and opening up to them. Life feels boring, it's not what it should be like. It feels pointless. And I AM the problem, I know I can't expect someone else to fix this but I'm asking you for help. How can I get over this fear of people judging me?