How can I not get so upset when people don't acknowledge me?

Hello everyone,

I get so bothered when a stranger doesn't really acknowledge me. One time for example, I was with my brother at the grocery store. I went to the checkout line, said hi to the cashier, then she bags my groceries. Then my brother gives the cashier his alternate id for the grocery store, since he was a member, to make my groceries cheaper. Then once she gave me my change and my receipt I tell her "Thank you". She said "You're welcome" in a quiet tone, but then she looks at my brother, smiles, and loudly tells him "Thank you have a nice day dear!", as if he was the one who purchased the groceries. She wasn't at all cheery with me. Another time I was with him purchasing some school supplies, and I went up to the cashier to purchase my items. The cashier was on the phone, but he did make eye contact with me. However, he didn't really give me a friendly look. After I purchased my items, and he gave me my change, he looks at my brother, smiles, and tells him "Thank you" as if he was the one who purchased the supplies. I was out to eat with my cousin once, and when the waitress came up to our table she tells my cousin "Hi, how are you today?!" Completely ignoring me. I'll get irritated when I'm out with another person, and we walk into a store, and the employee only acknowledges the person I'm with and not me. I get so frustrated when this happens to the point where I think about it all day. It'll make me happy when they acknowledge me and be friendly with me. I hate being ignored like I don't exist. When people do this, I think there's something wrong with me. So what do you guys think? Why does this happen to me? How can I change this and how do I not let it bother me so much?

Lets start with cognitive dissonance.

When you were a kid you no doubt had a colouring book full of dot to dot pictures. You filled in the lines between the points yourself to create the image. Well what you think is reality works in a similar way. You take instances of information then try to rationalise whats going on by constructing how they are linked up. You create what you see as reality and it isnt real. Worse, you convince yourself it is, we all do!

There could be 101 reasons why someone would ignore you such as being in a bad mood, fancying the other person, the other person having something that captivates others more, etc. All you really know is you didnt get acknowledged nothing else. And when someone else gets attention while you dont the connecting the dots up and rationalising which you are engaging in results in you thinking they are shunning you. That is cognitive dissonance.

Going forward recognise that connecting up instances of information doesnt present you with a true reality. Accept instances of information for what they really are - just instances of information. Stop trying to rationalise them against each other and trying to fill in the blanks.

Moving on it sounds like you have been around someone abusive and this has given you the belief that other people dont like you. In life there are abusive people which will mess up your head. There are also people who really dont like you. Both types of people you have to deal with at some point but they are not the majority. Stop fitting people into the abuser mould, stop expecting other people to be like that, and be open more open minded. They are only abusers once you really know that they are, not when your cognitive dissosonance convinces you there are.

Being ignored over a period of type can make you hypersensitive to being ignored. It gets your flight or fight reaction going meaning you experience negative emotions like anxiety, panic, anger, or an urge to run away. Everytime you fight against being ignored and the emotions it causes you then you reinforce the problem. Stop fighting being ignored and the emotions it causes you.

Find some situations to be ignored in, immerse yourself in being ignored, embrace those emotions, let them run wild in you no matter how uncomfortable they feel, and just let them carry on until they burn themselves out. Your are showing your subconscious its fears didnt materialise afterall, there was no real threat to fight against or flight from. Repeat until being ignored no longer causes you problems.

If being ignored is too raw for you then you need to learn to stop thinking. This weekend spend both days stopping yourself having thoughts. Everytime you catch yourself having a thought then return back to no thoughts. It will be hard at first but keep returning to stopping your thoughts all day long for two days. Come Monday you will find it easier to quieten down your minds activity. Then find yourself some situations to be ignored in and proceed from there. It will be a lot easier.

Good Luck!