Inability to make relations with my students

Hi, I am 29 years old. I am working as a teacher in a college for last 4 years. I never thought of having teaching as profession. I used to suffer from stage fear. So teaching was an impossible to imagine job for me. I have spent most of my childhood alone. i used to spend time reading story books. I used to avoid being in any kind of center of focus. Its only after going to collage I started feeling the need to mix up with other people of my same age. Then I started getting problems. I understood my inability to connect with others easily. I spent my 5 years of college that way trying to be part of social groups. But still the problem was not that much severe because I was doing fine with my studies. I started facing problem when I started facing interviews for job. I started feeling that I will never be able to prove my skills in front of others. Luckily I got a job. But it was a job I never imagined I will take as profession. I did not have any other options. So I joined teaching thinking within one year I will move on to some other job. But I could not. I am still in teaching field. I have struggled a lot and is still struggling. My initial years it was a roller coaster ride of emotions and fears. I was never really excited to go to class. My focus was always on completing the class somehow. To feel better I used to compare myself with other teachers in terms of quality of education they have. I spent most of the time managing my personal feelings and never was able to connect with students. I slowly understood teaching is not only about the subject but its also about the relation with students. Year after year my colleagues will get good or bad feed backs. But in my case I will get very neutral feedback as if no body really felt giving any feedback about me. After four years I am still unable to connect with my students/new students. I am not able to comprehend their problems their feelings. I stay too much focused on the subject. But that also I don't enjoy when I see nobody is responding. I feel like i am destroying their interest for the subject. I am making things complicated for them to understand. I try too hard and get more focused on that. Slowly the friendly light environment, the learning environment, that was there at the beginning of semester is gone. I try too hard to make the subject easier only to loose my confidence and make it more complicated for them. I have learned to control them but I am unable to create any spark in them. Nobody comes to me for any suggestions. Because I become too formal with them or don't understand them. I stayed so long in this job because I did not know any other job that I will fit in. And also I believe in any job or business I have to make good relations with stake holders. So if I am failing to make a good relation with students, I will fail to make relations with adults as well. I don't mix up well with my colleagues as well. I be too formal and talk only about necessary works. I welcome any suggestions, any tip that can help me.

One reason why we become formal is that we are afraid of making a joke and nobody is laughing! When we do formal things, since they are correct ways of doing it, no one can criticize and there is no need to feel awkward about it, hence it's possible that people who have difficulties socializing always stick to formality for they cannot bear the insult and awkwardness that arises when they try to be funny.

When you are with a colleague or a student try to make a simple joke. Initially, they may not understand how to respond to it as they found you always to be formal in interactions. That may make you feel awkward. You can become more rigid and formal, hence counter-productive. Instead of getting into those feelings try to maintain a small laugh. We should not expect everything to become perfect overnight. That will put a lot of pressure on us. Try taking baby steps, and slowly over time we can see that others also are responding.

I think people create a certain expected behavior from others when they observe them over time. Hence, their initial reactions are not promoting but opposing your efforts to socialize. Here, it's important to try not to force yourself and leave it be. Also, should not feel down because your effort failed. If you can maintain composure, the other person realizes that you are really trying to be funny, instead of taking it as a one off event. Over time, their image of you changes and they start responding positively to your efforts.

Open up a little to a few people, not to the entire class. If you feel safe when everything is under your control, try to let go of small things and see how you can handle it. Slowly, you will realize that you don't need to be that highly formal with everyone.

There are also self-help books and counseling available for people with social issues. Try to give them a chance and see if they work!