by nckra » Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:39 am
One reason why we become formal is that we are afraid of making a joke and nobody is laughing! When we do formal things, since they are correct ways of doing it, no one can criticize and there is no need to feel awkward about it, hence it's possible that people who have difficulties socializing always stick to formality for they cannot bear the insult and awkwardness that arises when they try to be funny.
When you are with a colleague or a student try to make a simple joke. Initially, they may not understand how to respond to it as they found you always to be formal in interactions. That may make you feel awkward. You can become more rigid and formal, hence counter-productive. Instead of getting into those feelings try to maintain a small laugh. We should not expect everything to become perfect overnight. That will put a lot of pressure on us. Try taking baby steps, and slowly over time we can see that others also are responding.
I think people create a certain expected behavior from others when they observe them over time. Hence, their initial reactions are not promoting but opposing your efforts to socialize. Here, it's important to try not to force yourself and leave it be. Also, should not feel down because your effort failed. If you can maintain composure, the other person realizes that you are really trying to be funny, instead of taking it as a one off event. Over time, their image of you changes and they start responding positively to your efforts.
Open up a little to a few people, not to the entire class. If you feel safe when everything is under your control, try to let go of small things and see how you can handle it. Slowly, you will realize that you don't need to be that highly formal with everyone.
There are also self-help books and counseling available for people with social issues. Try to give them a chance and see if they work!