Interviews

"Just be confident" everyone tells me

... But how?

I have been having the hardest time finding a job and it is all because I have had a series of bad interviews. I am trying to find a job as either a high school or middle school band director (Kind of a crappy job for someone that has social anxiety. Trust me I know, but that's another issue that I'm trying to deal with. For now, I'm trying to take it one step at a time).

Every single interview I've had starts with me feeling pretty good. I've done my homework, I know every question they might ask me. I know I'm competent in my subject, I know I could do a good job at it. I know I'm an employable person and any school that hires me would greatly benefit from my expertise. Then I walk into the interview room and a little voice in my head says "who are you kidding? You're garbage"

My heart starts pounding, my palms start sweating, I am breathing hard and my mind is completely blank. I go in for a handshake and I awkwardly miss their hand. They ask me a simple question and for some reason I don't understand and need them to repeat it. Every single answer I give is completely incoherent and I stutter with every word I speak. Then after it's all said and done, I get in the car to drive home and I know exactly what the perfect response to every question would have been and I didn't even come close.

I think it goes without saying that no one in their right mind would hire someone with an interview as bad as that one. But I don't know how to control it. I've tried just about every technique that google has provided me and nothing I do seems to work.

And with each failed interview, the further down my self esteem plunges. Here I am sitting unemployed while the friends that I graduated with are all on facebook posting pictures of their new jobs. I imagine them talking about me, saying things like "who would want to hire that guy? He sucks".

I've sank into a deep state of depression. I don't want to see my friends or anyone because I don't want to answer the question "So how's the job hunt coming?"

And I would LOVE to get therapy, but without a job, I can't exactly do that. Anyone have any advice for me?

I have this problem too. What I have found is that it takes me about 6 interviews before I even start to feel that I can come across as something other than a complete freak. So what I would do is apply for a bunch of jobs that you don't want at all, and then go on interviews for those. Even if you completely blow it, just having the experiences in a relatively short frame of time might help you get a little more comfortable with the whole process.

That's the only thing that has ever worked for me, but the whole looking for a job/interview thing is truly traumatic for people with social phobia. I have long over-stayed in low-level positions for fear of having to get out there and do it again, so it's great that you are trying, and I wish you luck

I don't have a good answer for you.
All I know is sometimes back when I was able to force myself to do things I would use my imagination a lot. Like for example, pretending that whomever was calling on the phone, or I had to call, was actually my best friend who absolutely adores me, (but we have mutual amnesia, but still can feel the vibes and a distant sense of familiarity and care) and they would just be glad to hear my voice it doesn't matter what I said.

My best bet is stop thinking of it as what it is, and think of it as a rehersal. Think of it as someone who just probably knows and likes you and wants to give you a mock interview so you can relax. Sorry if this advice sucks. Maybe it can help?

I think I'm going to go back to thinking that way. Also, I've got to think of what I want out of a situation moreso, and understand that whatever ever I am, I'm just right for the time being. Something like that. Just some ideas.

I need to get back into life and I would LOVE to have a job. Especially something part time or nearby. Good for you going for this, be on your own side, keep at it. Maybe you don't need to be confident, maybe you can cultivate kindness as a baseline for the interaction.