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Strong Desire to Fortify Everything?

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Strong Desire to Fortify Everything?

Postby guy44242 » Thu Aug 17, 2017 8:59 am

As in protect myself from the outside world. I have Aspergers and OCD which causes me to fixate on things and desire unusual protection or engage in weird rituals but I have just now realized how I've been driven insane by this desire to protect myself utterly. I never leave the house, I practically imprinted on my bedroom, I literally don't breathe outside air. I have back aches and severe fatigue which I believe are a result of my isolation and maybe some background depression? I enjoy it though, parts of it at least. Others not so much. I get hungry, lonely, and again I'm always struggling with fatigue. I like to keep track of all my possessions and maintain total and absolute control over everything that is INSIDE of my bubble (I don't like to interact with outside elements. I NEED there to be a threat to feel safe, so I know I'm removed from it). I fear talking to anyone and enjoy my isolation greedily, and I can only be truly comfortable talking to people online. I immensely fear bacteria and other small organisms, spiders, flies and such because they can get into my space and they are "organisms". School...don't even get me started. I just get through as fast as possible and when I'm home I can shut the flood gates and filter out the world. I just have this constant horrible feeling in the back of my throat and stomach, and that I guess is a side effect of this anxiety.

Ok now that I got that out, does anyone else feel an extremely strong attachment to your property or space? Do you value it immensely and dislike going outside? I know that's pretty typical of everyone but for me it's gotten severe and I think I'm destroying my spine. Thanks.
guy44242
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