exposure strategies

Ok so here is my experience with SA. Been attending therapy for 4ish years after having persistent self harm thoughts made me realise something was seriously wrong. My SA is relatively moderate it seems, as I have a wide circle of friends and a relatively active social life. Nonetheless it seriously impacts my quality of life and has been pretty resistant to treatment. The biggest hurdle for me is meeting new people and approaching women. I just have persistent feeling of that my being interested in pursuing a relationship with someone, particularly an attractive woman, will be such an affront to said person its not worth trying. I am over vigilant about the other persons reaction to me and afraid of being percieved as creepy. I know to some degree exposure and experience are crucial to getting past this but the paralysis and avoidant tendencies are so severe I just cant seem to get that ball rolling. Any thoughts, advice, or suggestions on methods to work my way up to the goal of approaching strangers?

Hey,

I have a similar story as you with my SA. I was diagnosed with it about 4 years ago in high school because I too afraid to talk to anyone or make friends.

For me, there was nothing a therapist could say or do for me that would make an immediate difference. The thing that helped me the most was aging. I don't know how old you are, but as I aged from being 14 to 18 my SA consistently decreased with aging along with therapy.

One of my biggest challenges is meeting new people also. As you get older and actually meet new people, you realize that there is nothing to worry about or be afraid of. I used to think that people would be judging me based on how I look, act, and everything else. As I met people and had experiences, I realized it doesn't happen. (It would be very rare, but never happened to me).

As for seeking a woman, I have not done this either yet. One way I plan to do so in the future is with online dating websites. This method eliminates most of my fears. You can find someone who has the same interests as you, and is interested in a relationship. You would not have to worry about face to face rejections or embarrassment if you first meet online. After having created some experiences with women through this method, you can actually get the ball rolling and reduce your fear to eventually approach women in person.

For me, they key is time and patience to win the war with SA. Never give up.

Hi,

I believe the best approach is to take it in small steps. Go at a comfortable pace where you can build more confidence while making some progress. I suggest making a list of things you aren't comfortable doing but you feel are necessary to eventually reach your goal. Rank them according to how terrified you are at the prospect. Then, start at the bottom of the list and work your way up. People work differently so just pick a pace right for you.

Another method I found that helps is to practice in the mirror. Prepare a few scenarios and think of different dialogues. If fear does happen during an interaction, you can refer to your practice to get out of an unfavorable situation. It's a matter of having some practice in responses so you can rely on those if your brain suddenly blanked out. Otherwise, real experience is the best teacher for anyone.