shyness + anger vs aloofness, MBTI, diagnosis, etc

i wasn't sure where the best place was to talk about these topic(s) but thought i may get possibly more "better" answers here or variation in individuals and problems.

From what i read, social phobia and social anxiety disorder are basically the same thing, or almost the same thing. I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, however, i have been most recently diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder and major depression, it used to just be simple "anxiety" and "Depression" which for me didn't say much , of course my current diagnosis is still iffy too, i took a stupid test from one psychologist recently said it's highly unlikely you have schizotypal personality disorder, because apparently i don't hear or see things that other's don't and don't believe in UFO's and some other superficial #######4 symptoms

I do relate to a lot of the criteria from definitions of social phobia / social anxiety disorder such as being extremely self conscious, etc, and even shyness, but specifically the shyness part is what has really concerned me, because as usual, i get many contradictory perspectives on what shyness really is and in relation to certain conditions, disorders, etc.

For example, in Russell Barkley's videos on SCT ( sluggish cognitive tempo ) which i relate to strongly ever since the same age he also referred to of 8-12 years ( that's when the symptoms for me started, specifically right when i hit puberty ), he had mentioned to not confuse sct with schizotypal personality, autism spectrum disorder, in the sense that those individuals are "aloof", that they don't value interactions with other people, and not exhibiting "shyness", though i suppose it's possible for an sct individual to have or develop schizotypal personality disorder, but no such research has been shown for this yet apparently, at least for adults, the majority have only been done on children.

He had also pointed out how the sct invidiuals do well in group therapy as group therapy was invented for "shy" people, not aggressive, however for me, i did not feel this way at all in all the group therapies i've been to, i often would express myself pretty openly and vastly and did not care if i was rude to people ( even if i later would hurt myself in the process ), i do not get along with most people genuinely and put on somewhat of a "fake" personality ( not to be manipulative ), but because to keep me at a safe distance between people in more everyday life though as to not lost control emotionally or physically as i can become physically aggressive and attack others, so the group therapy scenario is obviously different from a real life scenario in college where i have to be more calculated and in control of things. in general, i might express myself fine, but inside, i do not feel any sort of emotional connection with that person.

Now with this point said, there was another source that actually said that shy males tend to be violent and aggressive, basically contradicting Barkley's general perception on what he perceived of "Sct" individuals. I was thinking whether "shyness" was really my problem all this time and that i am not aloof at all, but even then with the definition of aloof, from all the research i have done, there isn't really much of a proper definition for it, like it just means your at distance from others or "cold" or disinterested, but doesn't go as far to say what's really going on, vs shyness, that depicts more of a qualitative problem. It would almost seem like aloofness is more of simple overt expression where as shyness is actually explaining what the person is feeling, struggling with, etc.

All speculative still, i haven't seen anything negative put down for being aloof where as with shyness, indicates someone who is uncomfortable within their own skin, thus may express aloofness, being disinterested or slow at doing things maybe because of difficulty rather than simply don't care ( aloof ), if it's something entirely different ).

The difference i see though with me and most other people "shy" people, this is with the assumption that i am extremely shy or at least have shyness as an impairment is that regardless of trying or caring to not be "shy", it doesn't solve anything or improve anything, each situation has to be dealt with and done the same exact way as if i were doing it for the very first time which is probably why i don't care to go any further both socially or eye contact wise, etc. there is an extreme paralysis and discomfort when doing things in front of people, depending on the classroom for example and it's a speech, my eye contact is very awkward and hyperfocused, almost looks like im torturing myself to do a simple task, this is usually the case when someone asks me a question and i have to find the person in the class, this is where i have to hyperfocus and block out other stimuli ( people ) in order to process one thing at a time and not get overwhelmed which can make me angry after the situation because of the emotions i feel doing it, even then, it's difficult enough having a one on one communication and now i have to do it with other things in the background to which i can't filter out.

When i look at most people that are "shy", they either don't say anything at all, ( not rude, not expressive like i would be in the group therapies ) or they will complain and whine about something specific but once you see them go up and actually do the task, they do it perfectly fine, if not better than most people, so it was a trivial issue for them from the start, they don't end up becoming angry after the situation like i would or blow up.

But it's not only shyness, it's people complaining about things like im gonna fail this exam or my professor sucks or this and that, later on you find that they passed their class with an A, their exams with an A, etc. With me, it will actually create intense rage if i do this sort of behavior and create a contradictory response, which is why i'm calculated in pretty much everything, i'd rather surprise people with what i have to offer or what i am able to perform than to run my mouth or complain beforehand as that will further lower my self esteem and functioning, not to be uncommunicative either, i will still try to be open and explain things generally and not be passive about it, but i don't like to brag, over exaggerate or assume something will turn out well without it happening yet as this is will actually lower my motivation and confidence which is why i don't complain or whine or w.e about most things that other "shy" or "lacking" individuals would.

Another apsect i've seen with a lot of "shy" people, either through online and mostly in person is that they all said they used to be shy, like in one of my college classes, almost half the class said that, though they were counseling classes too so you ought to have people more like that showing up, but i thought it was interesting nevertheless. For me, i was the opposite, i was more "extroverted", outgoing, sociable, less conscientious, and more easy going when i was pretty young ( before puberty ) but as puberty hit up till now, i turned into a sluggish, extremely self conscious, dysfunctional individual and lacked or had a difficult time expressing full range of emotions, i didn't like how i was unconsciously, how i interpreted my own facial expressions or felt from them, acting, etc, and slowly learned unconsciously and or consciously to function and express myself in a certain way to "Get things" and be "secure".

I didn't "Get things" and life in general and base this reasoning to my MBTI type of ISFJ to explain a lot of the misfortunes and difficulties I've had, developed or have now, i believe this MBTI is the most inferior type, both intellectually, physically and in overall quality and functioning in life.

I have a hard time seeing the whole spectrum view of disorders and human traits because if you want to look at it in that view, then it's saying that i fit everything strongly and only proving my theory as being accurate ( ISFJ and enneagram 6 ) combo constitutes for a #######5 life in the 21st century, but maybe not so much in caveman times. Part of the problem with the group therapies is i've been grouped with so many MBTI types and people that just didn't have the same type of problems i had or diagnosis, which even further has made me angry because if the ISFJ type and enneagram 6 are the most common types, why is that i haven't seen these kind of people in therapy, and you can't tell me that they are there, and i don't know, or because they are doing other things, because i spent so much time in so many different clinics but all i get is old bipolar, schizoaffective or schizophrenic people. ( age appropriate groups in their 20's seems to be so difficult, but i guess im that one ISFJ out of so many that happens to show up a million times )

it's so hard to find one person that doesn't take psychiatric medication, doesn't have those disorders i put down, isn't an INFJ, INFP, INTP, INTJ, ENFP, ( which were the majority of people i've met ), and yes, they told me their type. back to the shy part, i do not think im aloof at all ( if it's signifying some another form of personality thing , In fact, im often needy about being involved with other people or social situations, but maybe it's not shyness either and just extreme social phobia? though i guess the enneagram 6 type partly explains why much of my behaviors may be contradictory. also schizoid personality disorder of course perfectly describes my style of functioning and reinforcing behaviors, salman's profile of the covert presentation 100 percent explains me, i fit every single trait, there isn't one that i disagree with.

I just really wish there was a more comprehensive study of individuals, yes, i do like labels because i believe it's extremely important for certain individuals with certain functioning and quality of life. this post may have been disorganized, but hopefully there can be some questions created or asked / answered in the process. i hope to create more insight and understanding as i believe there are so many misunderstandings and inaccuracy of conditions. and lastly if i didn't mention, one thing i suffer from is extreme built up anger and hate of my being. though this would be pretty obvious for depressed people as often depression is anger turned inwards, though the many people i've seen in group therapy didn't have anywhere close to amount of anger or type of anger i felt, there was more "paronoia, or mood related anger and not really based on their nurturing, life itself and being. i even brought the topic up and asked if they related to anger and they were like, no...not really.

i would have thought anger would have been first nature of these individuals, but then again, their MBTI types and disorders weren't close to mine, most were manic depressive ( not unipolar depression), bipolar, schizoaffective, and schizophrenic, and DIDN'T have personality disorders except for a few borderlines which of course were women . ( not to discriminate women ) but just saying that i was only seeing the stereotypes in person.