Hi, I need some advice from people who understand.

I'm having some trouble at home. I'm twenty years old now, I quit college because I found that none of the schools have the degree i want. But so far I'm having no luck with finding a job. I'm really bad at handling social interaction with almost anyone except my closest friend. I don't have any previous experience nor do I have a degree, or even the skills to "talk" my way into a job like my mom. Plus I can't work in customer service because of my anxiety, and due to a birth defect I can't work in stocking because I would be a liability since one wrong injury and my left arm could be paralyzed.

My family doesn't really understand social anxiety, they were all born as social butterflies and can't grasp how I feel. I want to get officially diagnosed with social anxiety but I can't convince my mom that I actually have a problem. She thinks I "just need a little experience" and then everything will be fine. She believes that I'm just extremely awkward and shy. But, after suffering with anxiety since I was in 3rd or 4th grade I know that's not the case. In fact the more I try to handle it the worse my anxiety seems to get. But I can't just go do things on my own because I feel like I'll fall apart and never put myself back together again.

It's getting really hard to handle my anxiety, it's to the point where I would give up everything that makes me who I am just so I could be normal. I hate feeling like I'm a disappointment to my mom. She's the only parental figure I have because my dad really wasn't in the picture, so I'm really close to her. And I think that deep down she wants to understand me, she even tries to help by informing people i have anxiety but I don't think she can accept or even understand how truly bad it is.

I'm so lost, I need some advice on how to help her understand that I'm not just shy, or just lazy. It's not that I don't care or think about my future (because I do, every single night I worry about my future.) I need her to understand that I want to be the daughter she wants me to be but that I need help or ill never make her proud of me. Please help me explain this to her.

Why don't you explain it to her like you just did here?

Wenever I try explaining it to her I get tongue tied and she gives me this look and I can tell she's not understanding me/ ta king me serious. And it gets really frustrating and starts making me tear up and since I hate crying in front of people it just never has a good outcome. She either thinks I'm joking or tries to rationalize it in a way to where I shouldn't actually be diagnosed. The last time I brought it up she told me that I shouldn't have it diagnosed because it'd make jobs harder to get, and when I tried explaining that I'm already having a hard time, and at least I'd know that my job couldn't transfer me to public relations or some equivalent but (and this might just be my head messing with me since I'm by no means good at reading people) I felt like when I tried to explain she somewhat "checked out" of the conversation. It's not like she's cruel or anything but she's just trying to do what she thinks is best for my future.

When I was 20 I sought out help without my mom because I had a hard time telling her. I really regret not telling her because she probably could have helped.

You could write it out to her. I think showing her the post you wrote could even be a starting point. It will be anxiety provoking to tell her but trust me, the years of support are worth that conversation.

You could also show her the DSM criteria for social phobia. Tell her that you would like her help in finding a therapist who specializes in treating people with social phobia. There are great treatments that can help with the skills you need to get a job and interact with others on the job. I can't say I'm great but after therapy, I have been employed steadily for years working with lots of people.

No employer needs to know your diagnosis. Most don't want to know because it sets them up for bias/discrimination.

Ako you have some good advices from above authors.

I just want to give you my view, in case nothing works.

It's hard to make parents understand someimes. I have that problem too (about making them understand various things about me) but I realized that the best way is to not try to make them understand as my energy gets wasted. If your friends understands you that's just perfect.

As far as I know, the best way to handle social anxiety is to face what makes you anxious or fearful. Yes, it sounds like impossible. But IT IS possible. You can do this just a little by little. Force yourself to face the fear. In the beginning you could face the smallest fear. And some other time you can put your self in situations or places where it feels more intense. In the end you will love this.

And when you face it, try to do it for 30 minutes or more.

That's what I have been taught and it's also something I have experienced in various areas of life.

And of course therapy helps too.

I think an basic issue is, that all people suffer to a degree from the pressure of adapting and assimilation to the pack / society / community.

Because they're giving themselves a hard time accomplishing this, they will be most irritated if someone says he "cannot", "will not", "is not able", etc.

And yes, it is disappointing in a way, if your child is "less successful" as the other's children.

In my opinion we are talking about a real handicap. Some prefer to call it interaction disorder. Because in the public, there can be (and there are) structures that aid the existance ob social anxiety...

You have to options: Fight this "issue" with confrontational therapy, maybe. It is reported to help. You are still young. Maybe you can learn to cope and to adapt.

If you suffer from a severe handicap in that context, then you better make wise decisions and find yourself niches in the world of work and society.

Because otherwise you will realise, that this can/will be a severe handicap.

It is very simple with a distinct social phobia being unable to find work for years, etc. I know this from personal experience.

Nevertheless don't "every single night I worry about my future."

Maybe there are people who will be very glad to hear this from you. But by worrying you are not improving, you are only irritating (and in my view damaging) yourself.

Find niches, or work with yourself like with the hopefully useful unrest of confrontational therapy, and try to understand what irritates yourself in yourself and in social customs.

Maybe you will find a lever.