Fear of love?

So to be blunt, i'm 24 years old and have never been in a relationship of any kind.

For most of my life, I believed I was a lousy person, I was obese and undereducated (only finishing high school at a llocally developed level) and never believed anybody could love me.

But than some time passed, and my life took a turn for the better. I retook a bunch of high school classes extra curricularly, and began exercising. Flash forward 3 years and I end up losing 50 pounds and wind up in a good computer science program. So I'm at a period in my lifr where, looking back, I've accomplished some great things.

But I still can't do it. I can't ask a girl out, no matter how interested I am. Before, I would just talk myself out of it because I genuinely believed I was unlovable. But now... I can't explain it. I just feel like I shouodn't say anything.

So basically, every female friendship I have undergoes the same stages:

1)We start off friendly
2) she begins acting flirtatious
3)theres some sort pf climax, in which she does someing really indicative of romantic interest
4)shes always too busy to hang out

And thats it. I know I must sound crazy, but I swear, I've seen some really messed up stuff. one girl held my hand over and over again during a night. Another girl held my hand and tried to walk into the girls bathroom with me (I let go... bc I was dumb). And one girl started rubbing into me, despite me being clearly.. aroused (lets just say we were both soaking wet, and I used a shoe to cover it).

I dunno. Tbh, I still feel like I'm just an ugly loser who cant get a date b/c he's not good enough. But than I remember everything I've acconplished. And I remember all the times Ive been told I'm handsome. And all the awkward encounters with girls. And it feels like all of this makes no sense unless they really did like me.But than I think of how absurd tgat sounds. Me, too beautiful for my own good! I was the biggest loser in elementary school. I had literally no friends, was considered stupid, and was obese. It feels like theres a rift in my head. Like the world doesn't match my impression of it.

Sry for the rant. I guess I''m just seeking validation. To be clear, I dont consider myself to be attractive, I'm about 5'5" and weight 150 lbs. Im not jacked or anything, but I do exercise regularly (in fact, I restarted my regime anout a month ago and have lost 10 lbs on top of the prior 50. So I hope this post doesn't have a negativetone to it.

I was reading your post and was very impressed. You have accomplished so much. You were successful on your weight loss, completed your education and have continued to work out. I like how you took a negative situation and made it positive! I think all of us go through doubting ourselves. You pushed through it before and you can do it again. I've had relationships in the past that I thought would be something, but it took a left curve. Like you, I thought it was going somewhere and then it went downhill. So I just want to encourage you to not give up. I really believe there is someone special just for you. I believe there is someone that will love you just like you are.