Do I have Social Phobia?

Hello, I have recently discovered SP and believe I may have it (not very severely, I think, but significantally), but unfortunately there are no therapists or psychologists where I live...if anyone knows if what this post says shows that I might have SP, to their knowledge, please let me know...I understand that it can't be confirmed by this, but it can give me an idea, if anyone goes through similar things.

I have always been a shy person, and uncomfortable around people. I know shyness is a different thing, and it's what I always thought was the explanation behind my feelings, but now I believe it might be more. Many times, I'd want to be friends with some people but have been held back by the fear that they aren't interested. Even if I end up in a conversation with some people, I find it very, very difficult to ask for a phone number, or ask to hang out after school, or spend any time with me that might be out of their way.

If people ask me to hang out, I do but am afraid that they'll be bored with me. And I wouldn't ask them out the second time, out of fear that they didn't have much fun the first time. So if they do not show great enthusiasm, we usually don't end up as friends. They generally have to show more enthusiasm than I do, for there to be a chance.

As a result, most of my friends (who aren't many) are a result of either passive situations where we're in each others faces and therefore must talk to each other, and end up being friends passively....or people who actively take multiple steps to get to know me, and become my friend. Practically none of my friends are a result of me trying to get to know someone, and the very few that are were in situations where I'd just throw myself out, against my instincts, to try to get to know the person, which would take hard effort, and after which I'd tell myself I'm never doing that again, because rejection is one of my biggest fears.

I dread going to social events where there will be people I don't know, because I'm afraid that if I talk and they listen, they'll think negatively of what I'm saying...and am afraid that if we get into a conversation, they'll think I'm boring....and I could never join into a conversation where strangers are involved because I'm afraid of the way I'll sound, and the looks I'll get if I talk strangely, or say something that might be found weird...or I'm afraid that what I'll say will be ignored which will make me feel like a loser.

I never change my hairstyle, because I'm afraid that people I know, as well as people I don't know (but much more especially, people I don't know), will think I'm strange for going with a certain design. I also never look forward to cutting my hair, especially at a new barber, in case he's talkative. I generally don't like to change anything I'm used to, and dread new situations or atmospheres.

When I walk in the street or anywhere public, I get the feeling I'm being judged, which is why I try to appear as normal as possible, and feel self-conscious when I wear a hat, even if it's very cold outside, so I never do. I hate going out empty handed and jacketless in the summer, because if I stand still I won't know what to do with my hands, and people will think I'm awkward.

I'm afraid that once people get to know me, they'll realize I don't like to deal with strangers and therefore think I'm weak. Or they'll realize I'm a boring person, which I don't fear with people I'm close to.

On the other hand, I'm at ease with people I do know. Although I feel like I'm being watched in public, I don't mind going to university/school when I know I won't be the center of attention, as long as I concentrate on not doing anything out of the ordinary. I feel like I'm being judged, but feel that I can past the test if I try to act normal, all the same. But I dread going through that test when it becomes more personal, like going to a party where people might meet ME as opposed to just seeing me in the university.

I don't have many of the physical symptoms of SP, the only ones I could think of are muscle tension, fatigue....and if it's something that leaves me especially anxious, maybe a faster than normal heartbeat, or insomnia.

I have little trouble making friends with people who show me how enthusiastic they are to meet me, and that rarely happens, because I give out the impression that I'm not interested.

All of this has left me generally socially uncomfortable and unsatisfied for the last 9 or 10 years.

If anyone knows whether or not these are things that are normal for a person to go through within reason, or are likely signs of SP, please let me know....I understand that I can't just easily expect a diagnosis, but any comments on my situation would be appreciated.

I've never been diagnosed, so I can't say anything authoritative, but I can really relate to what you're saying--especially about the way you've made you're friends. I know I would have absolutely no social life if my friends hadn't made me a friend of theirs. I always used to think I was just being a coward or oversensitive and I should "just get over it", and it really made me feel pathetic; but I've come to feel that it's more than that. I'm not sure if I have anything, but my symptoms fit Social Anxiety, Social Phobia, and Avoidant Personality Disorder very well.

I'm petrified of new situations; leaving high school is looming ahead of me this year and I'm terrified of that (I just got kind of comfortable here ). Learning to drive a car was horrible for me--I was constantly worried about how other people would perceive me, I barely passed my test because I was so nervous; I still don't drive very often because

I'm constantly worried about how other drivers will perceive me. I'm always scared that I will make a mistake. I'm afraid to fail or look stupid in front of anyone (even though I am very smart). I've found that AvPD fits me perfectly--I can't make eye contact, I'm terrified of rejection, I don't like going out in public or crowds, I'm hypersensitive to criticism, I can't talk to people one-on-one & I've never been in a real relationship. I feel like I can't relate to anyone. Most people seem boring to me, but at the same time I feel inferior to them.

My physical symptoms are hypertension (fast pulse), trouble breathing sometimes and tightness or burning in my chest (I guess that's heart burn?) I think one of the most important things in deciding whether you have a disorder or not is how it is affecting your life. I desperately want deep relationships, a job, etc... but I'm terrified to take any steps towards them (It's so hard, I would rather just be miserable but "safe" in my own little world. At least I know what comes next).

I think talking to people about this is a big step in the right direction. For me it was terrifying, but everyone that I have chosen to talk to has been supportive--you'd be surprised.[/quote]

shyguy wrote:Hello, I have recently discovered SP and believe I may have it (not very severely, I think, but significantally), but unfortunately there are no therapists or psychologists where I live...if anyone knows if what this post says shows that I might have SP, to their knowledge, please let me know...I understand that it can't be confirmed by this, but it can give me an idea, if anyone goes through similar things.

I have always been a shy person, and uncomfortable around people. I know shyness is a different thing, and it's what I always thought was the explanation behind my feelings, but now I believe it might be more. Many times, I'd want to be friends with some people but have been held back by the fear that they aren't interested. Even if I end up in a conversation with some people, I find it very, very difficult to ask for a phone number, or ask to hang out after school, or spend any time with me that might be out of their way.

If people ask me to hang out, I do but am afraid that they'll be bored with me. And I wouldn't ask them out the second time, out of fear that they didn't have much fun the first time. So if they do not show great enthusiasm, we usually don't end up as friends. They generally have to show more enthusiasm than I do, for there to be a chance.

As a result, most of my friends (who aren't many) are a result of either passive situations where we're in each others faces and therefore must talk to each other, and end up being friends passively....or people who actively take multiple steps to get to know me, and become my friend. Practically none of my friends are a result of me trying to get to know someone, and the very few that are were in situations where I'd just throw myself out, against my instincts, to try to get to know the person, which would take hard effort, and after which I'd tell myself I'm never doing that again, because rejection is one of my biggest fears.

I dread going to social events where there will be people I don't know, because I'm afraid that if I talk and they listen, they'll think negatively of what I'm saying...and am afraid that if we get into a conversation, they'll think I'm boring....and I could never join into a conversation where strangers are involved because I'm afraid of the way I'll sound, and the looks I'll get if I talk strangely, or say something that might be found weird...or I'm afraid that what I'll say will be ignored which will make me feel like a loser.

I never change my hairstyle, because I'm afraid that people I know, as well as people I don't know (but much more especially, people I don't know), will think I'm strange for going with a certain design. I also never look forward to cutting my hair, especially at a new barber, in case he's talkative. I generally don't like to change anything I'm used to, and dread new situations or atmospheres.

When I walk in the street or anywhere public, I get the feeling I'm being judged, which is why I try to appear as normal as possible, and feel self-conscious when I wear a hat, even if it's very cold outside, so I never do. I hate going out empty handed and jacketless in the summer, because if I stand still I won't know what to do with my hands, and people will think I'm awkward.

I'm afraid that once people get to know me, they'll realize I don't like to deal with strangers and therefore think I'm weak. Or they'll realize I'm a boring person, which I don't fear with people I'm close to.

On the other hand, I'm at ease with people I do know. Although I feel like [b]I'm being watched in public, I don't mind going to university/school when I know I won't be the center of attention, as long as I concentrate on not doing anything out of the ordinary. I feel like I'm being judged, but feel that I can past the test if I try to act normal, all the same. But I dread going through that test when it becomes more personal, like going to a party where people might meet ME as opposed to just seeing me in the university.I don't have many of the physical symptoms of SP, the only ones I could think of are muscle tension, fatigue....and if it's something that leaves me especially anxious, maybe a faster than normal heartbeat, or insomnia.

I have little trouble making friends with people who show me how enthusiastic they are to meet me, and that rarely happens, because I give out the impression that I'm not interested.

All of this has left me generally socially uncomfortable and unsatisfied for the last 9 or 10 years.

If anyone knows whether or not these are things that are normal for a person to go through within reason, or are likely signs of SP, please let me know....I understand that I can't just easily expect a diagnosis, but any comments on my situation would be appreciated.

Hello shyguy,
When I read your post, I realised that I could relate to a lot of what you wrote. Its sounds to me like you have a fear of rejection and of the judgement of others as opposed to anything else. You seem overly pre-occupied with what other people think.

In the above passages, I highlighted all the sentences relating to your fears of being jugded or thought badly of by others.

I don't think that this means that you have a social phobia.
I think that your problems derive from insecurity and a lack of self-confidence more than anything else. You seem to see other peoples opinions of you as a measure of your own self-worth; for example " I have little trouble making friends with people who show me how enthusiastic they are to meet me". You are comfortable around people you do know because you have the reassurance that they like and accept you. You do not have that same reassurance with people you don't know.

All the fears that you are boring and uninteresting derive from your own head. All these negative things are your worst fears unconfirmed about yourself. You are scared to death that they may be true; that you may be boring ;that you may be thought of negatively or weirdly for some reason or another. You don't want anyone to ever think badly of you for any reason.

The truth is these fears are all imagined. People more than likely, don't think of you this way at all. you just worry that they do.

However, what you must realise is that you can never know for sure what other people are thinking. You can't control what other people think and you need to accept the notion that you can only be yourself and nobody else. You will never please everybody, no matter how hard you try and you must be at peace with that. You're only human. You are not perfect. You are entitled to be yourself. Surely, you don't expect to be perfect and appeaseable to everyone all the time? Because thats impossible. It will never happen.

As I said before, I do not think you have a social phobia because you expressed a desire to meet and talk to people; "I'd want to be friends with some people but have been held back by the fear that they aren't interested." What you are being held back by is fear. Fear is a powerful thing but it is not impossible to master it. You can do it. Learn to love and accept yourself for your stengths and your limitations. Accept that you can't control everything and take it one day at a time.

It will take time. It won't be easy but you can do it. Hope that helps.

Hi Sounds like you have some problems with feeling secure in social relations and public places. Social phobia isn't really that unusual amongst studetns in university and college. You move to a new place and you don'T know anybody. You need to think positively about yourself and give yourself time to let people get to know you and for you to get to know people. Start by smiling to yourself in the mirror in the morning before you go outside! Everybody feels insecure and shy sometimes. and being able to adjust your behavior to be accepted is a positive personality trait. But you can't take this so far that you always have to adjust to everyone else. You can go out and be yourself and no one has a god given right to dislike you for that! The problem with social phobia is that the fears a person has that is triggered by phobia is exagerated. So in other words, people will not judge you or think you look silly if you wear clothes that don't look cool once in a while etc.

I would really advise you to at least try and talk to some kind of councelor or psychologist about your fears of social life. Talking to friends or family can also help a lot. They will understand you. Just say you feel shy and maybe you have some social anxiety problems. They will most likely try to help you. It is really important that you give yourself a chance to make life better for yourself-talk to someone! I have problems with social anxiety myself, it's so sad to waste many hours every day thinking about things that don't really make sense. People don't actually watch other people to search for signs of weakness and study their behaviour in public, they are busy with whatever their doing. I'm sure you can work it out and feel better about yourself.

Good luck

I am certain you have social phobia. But you can get better. See my topic.