social anxiety?

Sorry, I know this has been asked over and over again, but I was wondering whether this would be considered social anxiety or "just shyness", and what the difference between the two are. There are many things that I've had to struggle and struggle to do, and I keep wondering whether everyone goes through this and life just isn't meant to be easy, or is there something wrong.

I don't think I have many physical symptoms - I don't get nauseated or have actual panic attacks. In typical public presentations, my hands shake and my voice shakes to a point where classmates have asked whether I was crying, but I think this is pretty "normal", cause public speaking is hard for most people anyway. What really makes me wonder is whether making phone calls, approaching people, sending emails etc are supposed to take so much courage. I know that I need to do all these things in order to survive, and for a "mature adult" as I'm supposed to be becoming, I need to do all these things with ease, and so for the past two years, I've forced myself to do them and act as natural as possible in the meantime. Several years ago, though, every time I have to make a call to even a close friend, I would hold the phone in my hand for at least half an hour before gathering enough courage to dial their number. In the eighteen years of my life, I've left one message on an answering machine...'cause I'm absolutely TERRIFIED of them. If and whenever I make a mistake, it'd be on tape, and the thought of that is just too scary. When friends ask me why I didn't just leave a message, I don't know if I should just tell them that it's so scary. It makes me feel like a coward and an immature brat, and now I'm wondering whether everyone is supposed to endure this fear. And the same goes for emails, notes etc. I've always been called an "irresponsible" person because I often don't reply to emails I'm supposed to. But something about them scares me so much. It requires me to bring out so much courage that I don't feel I have. I read over each email I type over and over again. I'm just entering university this fall. September is approaching already, and I still need to reply to so many university emails, but I just don't want to do it. Laziness? Procrastination? Just self consciousness? I can't tell. Is it supposed to be this hard?

I used to be this girl that wouldn't talk in class, and usually had one or two friends in class, and even then I would feel uncomfortable around them. It feels like other people are normal, and I'm just somehow not good enough. In the past two years, I've improved a lot in this. I've actually surrounded myself with quite a number of friends, and it made me feel so good. It made me feel so NORMAL. But I sat down yesterday, and I realized there was only one that I truly want to be close to, and one that I truly feel comfortable with. Are people usually comfortable around friends? Or is everyone just pretending and putting on a facade too? It doesn't matter how close the friend, I can't stand one on one situations. It's just so...awkward. I look back and realized I've become so much more social, and I'm so proud of myself. Every time I talk to a stranger, every time I could be the one in a group of friends to make everyone laugh...I'd get a sense of satisfaction. Because I've done something society sees as "right" even though I'm terrified of it, even though I hate it. I can keep making myself do something I hate, and somehow that makes me so proud of myself. So is this what I'm supposed to do? Make it look like I love all this socializing, continuing to smile and laugh and squeeze 'jokes' out as much as possible and hope that it all looks good on the outside even though it makes me so uncomfortable?

A while ago, the dearest friend I have ever had said that she hates me can't stand me, because I have no personality, and I can't stand out in a crowd, so she can't respect me. Is it so wrong that I hate talking? Is it so wrong that I'm too tired to think up of things to say that can entertain people? Is there something wrong with being a quiet little girl at the side? Is there something wrong with just wanting to sit silently like a rock at the side? I don't LIKE talking with people. I feel like I've been trying so hard already, but it's like my best isn't enough for the norm of society. So...I try harder? I hate being alone, 'cause then I think too much, my brain gets all messed up, and I become so depressed about I-don't-even-know-what. But when I'm with people, I have to force myself to talk and talk and talk even though I hate it and I'm scared of it. So...what's the point of everything? When I'm alone I get depressed, when I go out into the world I force myself to be what I'm not...I really don't get the point.

I remember i worked in a scrap yard and my father would give me $#%^ because i was always off by myself at breaks and lunch instead of joking around with my co-workers. I remember feeling i had absolutly no interest in what any one of them had to say...to the point that forcing myself have little chit-chats would have been such a bother i just didnt even try.

I also remember i wouldnt never talk on the phone...i still dont like it, and if i had to make a call, if i was forced to a half hour is a safe estimate of how long it took me to build up the courage to do it. Going out, i couldnt do that....but when i had to i had to be drunk, if not i stood at the door just like with the phone but waiting an hour, hour and a half before i could turn the handle and walk out.

I dont know about social anxiety....you said you dont like to be alone, dose that mean you like to be with people?. Social anxiety is someone who is anxious in social situations/settings. So being in a line of people at the bank, or in a large group ect these are situations for a panic attack with social anxiety. Perhaps what you have is a phobia or something else all together.