In need of assistance...

I am not sure of exactly where to start, so let me just say that I am tired of being the way that I am. I never let anyone close, so I havent had a relationship in over 7 years, and I dont have any close friends. My family moved around a lot when I was young, and after every move I would make fewer and fewer friends to the point where I would usually make one whereever we went and rarely talk to anyone else. I feel there is no one in my life that hasnt left me in one way or another. I have a serious fear of abandonment. I also have a strong fear of rejection. Im tech support for a cable company, so I talk to people all day without problem, but I cant talk to people I dont know about anything personal. I am a very intelligent man, and I have always believed I could do anything I set my mind to. I realize I am afraid and what I am afraid of, and I think that I should just be able to will myself out of it. Its not that easy. I will go to the club with the intention of dancing and making new friends, but instead I will sit paralyzed on a bar stool too afraid to approach anyone. From an unbiased point of view I realize that I am a great guy and that people like me. Im attractive, smart, funny, great listener, etc... the people that know me tell me I am very confident even cocky, but everytime I think about meeting someone new I always seem to think of reasons why they wouldnt want to talk to me or they wont like me. Im not sure what to do...

sounds like social shyness or social anxiety disorder

an antidepressant med often helps a lot to calm you, generic prozac is as good as any, IMO
paxil is heavily promoted for SAD in some places

doing more structured things like dancing lessons or a public speaking course should help reduce the stress

I refuse to take drugs. I dont drink, and I dont smoke. Both of which Im sure would calm me down. I dont want to use something as a crutch and then become dependant upon it. I need to know that it was me that overcame it and not the drug...

Hey Pawn7,
I'm sorry that you're struggling right now! I can strongly identify with the fear of rejection and abandonment. You're definetely right in saying that it's not easy by any means to overcome social anxiety, but I can also tell that you're a determined and strong person and that you're willing to make changes- and that is the first step to making sure that anxiety doesn't control your life. I'm glad that you can recognize your good qualities, because that is going to really help you in the long run to begin to feel more comfortable in social situations. Even though it's terrifying and painful (trust me, I know!), the only way to overcome your fears are to keep trying to face them. Use positive self-talk (remind yourself of your good qualities, talk yourself out of your fear) when you're feeling insecure about meeting a new person, and take a lot of deep breaths to clear your mind. I know, so cliche, but if you really concentrate it can really help to calm you down! Keep on going to those clubs and talking to people, and eventually it will start to get easier. You said yourself that you are a great guy, so try your best to let people in- you deserve to have supportive people around you who you can trust and enjoy the company of!
Good luck, and I hope that things get better for you! Remember, don't give up!!!! Let me know how everything works out.
Take care,
drama_queen