unable to relax

After a long time of dealing with a lot of really annoying problems, I came to the conclusion that nothing is really wrong with me. I may have had a short period of depression, but I'm not sick or anything. So I'm not really asking if this (this being what I'm about to post about) sounds like a bad social phobia. I just want to see if anyone can relate or if anyone has some ideas or suggestions for me.

Okay so here's the problem. I'm not always shy, but at times I become very shy. I have trouble ordering food at a restaurant because I get really nervous around people that I don't know, or large numbers of people. It makes me so nervous. I hate it.

At school, I can't sit on the bleachers in the gym at an assembly, because I get too nervous. I can't breathe, I get scared, and sometimes i want to cry. I hate it so much. So I always sit on the sides, and sometimes, I can't even be in the main part of the gym, because i jsut get too nervous. Everyone asks me what's wrong with me and junk, and it really bugs me at times. They aren't trying to bug me, but I jsut get sick of telling people that I don't like sitting up there. And some of them pick on me about it. I cant' help it for pete's sake!!

Sometimes, I get nervous in the hallways at school, and sometimes I hold my breath until I get away from all of the people. I hate to be touched too much. I hate it when someone's "in my space" in the hallway. I was homeschooled until this year, and for the first few days, I cried every day, because I was so overwhelmed by it.

I have asthma, so it could be the main cause of this, but a lot of times I feel like i can't breathe, and I have to take really deep breathes to get any air. It's just like when I get into these situations, I can not relax no matter how hard I try.

Does anyone have any suggestions? This is really bothering me, because it interferes with things that I want to do, such as ordering my food for myself at a restaurant. I really wish I didn't have this problem.

~element

hello, sorry to hear about your problem. I have social phobia so i can relate to your problem. Don't say nothing is wrong with you because you are finding it difficult doing every day things that normal people can do very easily! I suggest you talk to someone about this problem, because if left untreated it can get worse. You do have some social anxiety so it may be a case of social phobia. i used to have a big problem with ordering food at take-outs and restauraunts ect, i still do! but because my problem went unnoticed for a long time i was forced to do it and now i can just about manage without going red in the face. i still shake and my mouth goes dry. please do talk to someone close to you, someone you think will understand. it sounds to me like you do need a bit of help and if you don't get it the problem may get worse! i hope this helps x

Hi,
Thanx for your response.

I've talked to my parents and a few of my friends, but they all think it's not really a big problem. Some of my friends just think I'm weird. That sort of bothers me, 'cuz I can't help it. But it doesn't really hurt my feeling or anything.

I wish there was a way that someone could help me, but I wouldnt' ahve to go to a doctor or counselor. When I was having suicidal thoughts, I told my parents (and it was hard as heck--I hope I never have to feel like I felt when I talked to them about it, ever again), but they didnt' do anythign about it. My mom said something about finding someone for me to talk to, but that was about it. I think they idea of taking me to a doctor scared them, so they just tried to smoothe it over like it wasn't a big deal. They just told me that they loved me and stuff that I already knew. It didn't help. It may have even made it a little worse. I don't think they'd go for it with this either.

I do appreciate the thought and suggestion though. Do you have any certian thing that you use to help yourself relax? Like a certain technique or something?

It is really bothering me. I just want some way to handle it without having to see a counselor or anything. That may not be a possibility though. IDK.

Thanks,
element

no problem, im happy to help. the same exact thing happened to me but it is a little better now,. My parents are still completely in denial, they're wondering how i could be ill with social phobia because my childhood was 'fine' and they don't want to know. I have been through hell just trying to convince them that indeed something is wrong and i need some help. Ive had some episodes of depression but it hasnt really been continous. The only thing that finally made them get me some help is i just totally lost it and told them how bad i felt. To this day they still deny i even have a problem, saying it's me making things up yet now they are getting me some help. Parents just don't understand. Perhaps if you could make an appointment at the doctors yourself? or maybe you have a nurse or counsellor at your school? If all that fails try and make your parents understand, but it may take a long time to get through to them! Something is definitley wrong because you can't do normal things and i know how you feel. I hope you work it out before it gets worse x

There is no way that I could get an appointment without my parents involvement, and I know the guidance counselor personally so that would be weird. I guess the only option left is trying to get my parents to understand. I just don't know how I'm going to do that. I've tried before but it just didn't work out so great. Maybe they'd get it if I'd just keep bringing it up. i don't know.

I aprreciate your advice,

~element

element-
what if you gathered some literature and showed it to them? the problem is that a lot of people are ignorant about mental health. there are a lot of people that think that people with social phobia or other disorders--"it's just the way that they are." it's not true. if it's a problem for you or stops you from functioning on any level it is a problem. worse there are those that think that medication and psychology is useless. i just had a conversation about this with my best friend last night. i sat there stunned as she told me that she thinks people use both medication and therapists as a crutch and don't address the problem or basically as she was saying, should just get over it. i almost started crying. i have been on medication for social anxiety and have gotten to the point of near panic attack so i know for a fact that what i experience and the way that i think is not normal. it's worse when you have to try to explain that to someone that has never been in your shoes. it is so frustrating. no matter what i said, she really didn't see my point. the only thing i wish that i could have done was shown her some literature on statistics or symptoms or have her read posts from people so she could see for herself how very real and serious this is for people. maybe you could do that with your parents.
as for panic attacks and such, possibly try breathing techniques--slow down your breathing and/or thought stopping. i have a problem with catastrophic thinking and just keep letting my mind get out of control. i literally have to make myself stop thinking about what i'm thinking or talk myself down from a ledge sometimes.
good luck to you.

Maybe I could try that. I would proabbly be scared to do that too though. My family is relaly close, but sometimes taht makes me feel awkward when trying to talk to them. I don't open up well to people that I really know. The only people that I open up to really well are people here that I"ll never meet, and then there are a few people that I know, but not many. I think I've only told two about the bad depression and suicdial thoughts. Well, no, I told 3 and I regret telling one of them. But maybe I could get the guts to show it to my parents and ask them what they think. I feel like they're gonna think I'm just wanting attention or something though, because I thought I was bipolar before, and now I know that I'm not. I was just depressed with really happy times too, but I just don't think it was bipolar. But I guess I'll just have to deal with it if they think that.

I know what you mean about thinking. It's hard, almost impossible, for me to do that though. Especially in the middle of the gym with people surrounding me. Someitmes jsut walking in the hallways makes me feel really bad. But I'm willing to try it anyway!!