PLEASE HELP ME = NOT SURE WHERE TO TURN

im new to these types of forums but came across them on the net.

im 22 years old and a university student. Im trying to come to terms with the lies I told and the crimes I committed whilst I was a teen from the ages of 15 - 20. I used to steal anything and everything with no real knowledge of why. Often things i didnt need or really want. I was quite lonely at school and despite this continued to carry out acts that would further distance myself from my classmates. I used to be a compulsive liar also - I was jealous with regards to boyfriends and would make up stories to keep them. I know how stupid that sounds and is now.

My lowest point was when i was about 16, I stole from a family friend at my mums graduation. I cant believe I did it - I feel sick at the thought of it now. It was mentioned but i denied it and generally I got away with the stealing and lying.

This stopped almost completely until a few months ago. a friend left her purse and i stole money from it, then helped her look for it. After id done it i wasnt sure why - i wanted to die from the feeling of guilt and i confessed what i had done to my friend. She was very supportive and wanted to help me. At this point I had become quite depressed at Uni and she felt i think it was a cry for help.

After that incident i know 100% that i would never ever steal another thing, But the fact that ive stolen and lied to my family, friends and loved ones is cutting me up inside. Ive never mentioned the things i did when i was younger - But i cant live with the guilt. I dont know what to do, I cant really confide in my boyfriend as its a newish relationship and i am so ashamed.

I want my parents to be proud of me but everytime i look in the mirror I see an evil person and i think i push my mum away as i would hate her to ever know what i did.

I want to make people proud of me and turn my life around, I think that i can but i can cope with the guilt inside me. The last few months have been awful - i cant cope on anything except all the bad things i have preciously done. I cant tell anyone close but i dont know what to do to get through this.

Can anyone give me any advice?! I dont know how i can move on from thinking about the past, I am a good person, I really am. I just dont know how i can stop the feelings of shame inside me. I cant go on like this anymore.

x

What I did when I when I screw up, is that I told the truth, and that I am truly sorry and asked if I can help anyway now. That will show that you take responsibility for yourself, and it will relieve you from your guilt. If you want to change yourself, asking for forgiveness will help, because awareness is the first step to change. I think if you do it other way (make excuses and start lying again to yourself) then you will get back the way you was. It seems that you have other good qualities, which will overweigh your negatives. If people can’t accept you with your mistakes, you can’t have good relations ship with them. We all make mistakes only different kind. I know it’s hard, but it’s the only right way.