shoplifting

jasmin wrote:You're right, your dad was responsible for taking care of you, at least financially. You shouldn't feel guilty.

Yes, my father was responsible to make me feel comfortable while I was under his supervision.
I should not have so much guilt to use his money. It was just his responsibility.

I feel like shoplifting because I still have a fear that I won't be financially provided.
My past experiences tell me that I won't be sufficiently financially provided.
That's why I feel like shoplifting.
My past experiences tell me that I won't be provided with what I'm entitled with.
That's why I feel like stealing.
My past experiences tell me that the person who has financial responsibility for me won't support me.
That's why I feel like taking napkins from Starbucks.
My past experiences tell me that the person who has financial responsibility for me will not save money for me. (He was alcoholic and addicted to gambling. He wasted too much money for the both).
That's why I feel anxiety, and I keep overeating.

Hey it sounds like you had a revelation about this! I didn't realize that feeling like you won't be provided for is what is causing so much anxiety and the overeating too.

jasmin wrote:Hey it sounds like you had a revelation about this! I didn't realize that feeling like you won't be provided for is what is causing so much anxiety and the overeating too.

Hi, I have just finished binging. I ate 18 cookies ( 1620 calories).
I carefully chose zero transfat cookies with oatmeal.
I usually have an urge to binge around 9 p.m., but it's not good to eat after that time,
so I finished binging before 9, hehe. I am a compulsive eater, but I am trying to make a plan for my compulsive urge, so that I can have some control over my compulsion.

One past event came to my mind. It's not a shoplifting, but I did not pay the money I was told to pay. In my university days in Tokyo, I parked my bike in an illegitimate place.
Then, the city came and took away my bike.
I went their office to get back my bike.
They said it costs around 60 dollars for fine.
I said I need to go home 'cause I don't have enough money with me now.
I said I would come back. The middle-aged female officer said to me that he trust me and expect me to come back.
And then I came back home with my bike; I have never returned to their office with money.

While I was telling a lie to the officer that I would come back with money, inside my mind, I was sticking out my tongue. What I was saying and what I was planning to do did not match each other. I feel painful when this happens to me. I am not comfortable about telling a lie at all. I wonder how the officer felt about the fact I did not come back.
I recognize that I am trying to suppress the memories in which I told a lie to ppl.

Hmmmm, why do you think you told her you'd be back with the money but didn't come back? How did it make you feel right after you did it?
I'm not judging, you're not a bad person and what you did isn't terrible.

I hope you'll get good control over your binging and that you won't do it anymore at some point, don't be hard on yourself.

jasmin wrote:Hmmmm, why do you think you told her you'd be back with the money but didn't come back? How did it make you feel right after you did it?
I'm not judging, you're not a bad person and what you did isn't terrible.

I hope you'll get good control over your binging and that you won't do it anymore at some point, don't be hard on yourself.

First, thank you so much for being non-judgemental. Whenever I confess my past wrongful behaviour, I am afraid that reader might judge me... But you are professional enough to be non-judgemental.

The bike was my main transportation when I was a university student in Japan, but not every place I go did not have a parking lot for bike. I felt the city was not adequately caring about the bikers in Tokyo. I sometimes had to park wherever I find a space.
I told the female officer that I would come back, but I didn't come back because
(1) As a university student, I didn't have much money; I simply did not want to pay the fine.
(2) I broke the regulation of the city, but I didn't feel so bad about that. I didn't hurt anybody.
The most terrible effect from my illegitimate parking would be that some passengers might have been annoyed with my bike. Or if a person on wheelchair was going to walk, my bike might have been an obstacle for them, which makes me feel bad now...

I tried not to think about it after I did it, because I felt bad about deceiving the officer more than parking the bike illegitimately. I hate being deceived. I hate being treated in a disrespectful manner, but I deceived her. Next time when somebody catches me for fine, I might tell them that I don't want to pay 'cause I don't have much money...

About binging... I try not to be hard on myself. I have diarrhea today because I ate too much yesterday... I need to be soft on my digestive system.

Well, they should have had more places for people to park their bikes, it's not your fault that you needed it to travel. It's a pretty heavy fine for someone who doesn't have money...
I'm sure the police woman got over it very quickly.

Have a bit of boiled rice and mint tea?

jasmin wrote:Well, they should have had more places for people to park their bikes, it's not your fault that you needed it to travel. It's a pretty heavy fine for someone who doesn't have money...
I'm sure the police woman got over it very quickly.

Have a bit of boiled rice and mint tea?

Yes, I hope the female officer didn't take it personally. I had nothing against her. It's just due to her position, I had to tell a lie to her.

I love mint tea, I run out of it, though. I should buy it.
Is boiled rice help to relax?

btw, I sometimes make English mistakes when I write here.
Especially with spellings and prepositions.
I am trying to improve my English every day, but it takes time to improve and it's a very hard work for me.
How do you feel when you read my writings?
Do you get bothered by my mistakes or they don't bother you?

Boiled rice can help with diarrhea.

I don't notice your mistakes, there's very few of them. You know, mozilla firefox has spell check. You could use that instead of internet explorer/google.

I didn't know that boiled rice can help with diarrhea.
In the next diarrhea, I will try it. Do you know why it helps?

It's good that you don't notice my mistakes. When I read non-native speaker's English writings, I sometimes get confused and notice some mistakes; that's why I reflected their cases on my English.

I'm a Mac user, and my browser is Safari.It's fast; I like it. The Safari has smell check, too. When I spell very badly, the spell check gives a totally different word, haha. I try not to be so serious. Seriousness causes anxiety...

Yah, it helps, not sure why. Maybe cause it kind of constipates, which is good if someone has diarrhea?


Hehehe you're right, seriousness does cause anxiety