shoplifting

jasmin wrote:Hey! Yea, acceptance is the first step of healing, I agree. You could make friends here for a start

I want to have a positive image of myself. That is why acceptance of the fact I am in pains and have traumas is very hard for me.
But I will imagine an image of myself who is positively in process of healing!

You can have a positive image of yourself in all kinds of ways! You're someone who survived horrible things and you have a lot of strength. I bet there's stuff you're talented at too.

jasmin wrote:You can have a positive image of yourself in all kinds of ways! You're someone who survived horrible things and you have a lot of strength. I bet there's stuff you're talented at too.

Yes, I have survived horrible things. My strengths from these horrible things are, I think, I have more knowledge about sexual abuses than regular people. I might use this knowledge for my work in the future.

Yeah, I bet there's stuff I am talented at.
I think I am talented at smiling. People say my smiles are cute.

It is not a shoplifting, but sometimes I go to Starbucks or other cafes.
I take 10-20 paper napkins and take 'em home.
I want to save money to buy napkins.
I wonder if this is an embarrassing thing.
I wonder if it bothers shop staff.

Hehehe I bet you have a wonderful smile! Yah, maybe you'll be able to use your knowledge and experience in the future.


Do you think that you take things because you had a fear that you won't be provided for when you were a kid? I kind of had that fear, I think I ate too much partly because of it or something.

jasmin wrote:Hehehe I bet you have a wonderful smile! Yah, maybe you'll be able to use your knowledge and experience in the future.


Do you think that you take things because you had a fear that you won't be provided for when you were a kid? I kind of had that fear, I think I ate too much partly because of it or something.

I hope to show you my smile someday
Many survivors use their knowledge and experience as a volunteer or professional social worker, I know.

When I became sixteen and started senior high school, my mom started saying that she doesn't have money. She repeatedly said so to her children. I got so worried about my life and our family's life.

I gave up archery club because I was not able to buy costumes and tools.
I also had to wear underwear even it's become very thin, worn out and very loose.
It was very embarrassing to wear such a thing as a young girl.

Yeah, I always fear that I won't be provided with what I need and want.
I'm always anxious about not being provided.
I'm always anxious about not being financially stable.

Suddenly, my mom started saying there's no money in our house and she doesn't have money.
It made her three children so anxious and made them give up what they needed and wanted.

Hehe, I hope I'll see your smile too

It sucks that you had such a difficult childhood, financially too. It left its mark, I guess.

jasmin wrote:Hehe, I hope I'll see your smile too

It sucks that you had such a difficult childhood, financially too. It left its mark, I guess.

Yeah, I have to tackle to clean off its mark on me.
There must be many methods to clean off the mark.
I can peel it off, try to scratch it and paint it.

The mark will come off gradually, the more you grow underneath it

Hehe, thanks.

My father being financially abusive to me affected my life so much.
I had a hard time to find a safe place to live when I left my hometown to go to university.
One house I went to take a look at had a middle-aged male tenant.
When my mother saw him, she said to me, as a young girl, you shouldn't be a neighbour of him.
I guess he was a kind of sketchy person.

I wish I would have not felt guilty to find a place I like.
At that time, I felt very guilty that I would use my father's money to live and study.
But now I know my father is all responsible to protect me by providing me a safe place to live as a teenager girl.

You're right, your dad was responsible for taking care of you, at least financially. You shouldn't feel guilty.