shoplifting

jasmin wrote:Yah, it helps, not sure why. Maybe cause it kind of constipates, which is good if someone has diarrhea?


Hehehe you're right, seriousness does cause anxiety

hmm... I now remember that one GP at WC Hospital told me that rice causes constipation in 2010. My problem is that constipation alternates with diarrhea... I might have bowel syndrome...hmm...

The main reason why I shoplifted was a financial reason...
The period I used to shoplift overlaps my unemployed period.
It's very difficult for a person with depression to keep a job for a long-term.

Oh, maybe you need to get tested for that?


Yah, it must be very hard when you don't have enough money. I had to quit two jobs because of harassment and anxiety in the past... It's ok though, we will find our feet!

How are you..?
I've been dealing with my anger since the last night. Anger against my dad and what I have lost due to his abuses. I've been in pains...

Trw, I'm seeing my GP and try to mention my concern about bowel syndrome.

Things get so hard when I don't have enough money. I am sorry to hear that you have experienced harassment and you had anxiety.
hmm...

When I worked in Bali Island in 2002, my boss asked me "what colour ur underwear is today". I got very embarrassed. Bali is an island, and my workplace was pretty casual, so I sometimes wore bathing suits under my pants, and I showed the edge of bathing suits out of my pants. I used to wear hip-hung pants, and it was fashion for me to show a bit of edge of bathing suits out of my pants. The colour of my bathing suits was vivid yellow, and nothing sexual.
My guess is that my boss might have misunderstood that I was showing my underwear out of my pants occasionally, and then he might have gotten sexually aroused......hmm...
In any case, it was a very inappropriate question for him to ask at workplace...

I consider bathing suits as outfits, so I don't mind ppl show it in public, but when I encounter ppl show their underwear out of their pants, I am not comfortable...'cause I consider underwear is supposed to be covered by outfits.

I wish to become financially capable and confident in my new life in Vancouver.

I'm ok, I printed some self esteem exercises hehehe Gonna see what I can do. Hon, it's good to feel anger sometimes. Maybe it means that you're in contact with your emotions.

It's not unreasonable to wear bathing suits under your clothes if Bali is that casual. Yah, it's inappropriate to say that to an employee .

It's good for you to have printed some self esteem exercises.
Yes, it's good to feel anger. If I keep suppressing it, it's going to be bigger and bigger.
I feel relieved that you say it's not that unreasonable to wear bathing suit under my clothes if Bali is that casual...Some men in Bali also wear bathing suits under their pants and walk on the street. I could see the edge of their bathing suits out of their pants. That was fine with me.


I think one of the reasons that I shoplifted was the thrill. My heart pounds and I feel I have power and control, 'cause I can take items away while the shop staff are not noticing that. I feel I have power and control over the shop staff. I think that's one reason why I shoplifted...

I would like to move to Bali, it sounds nice Casual and fun on the beach!

It's good to let your anger out. Maybe you felt that need to be in control to compensate the lack of control you had growing up? Feeling in control and the thrill sound like plausible reasons for which someone might shoplift, you're probably onto something with these as well.

jasmin wrote:I would like to move to Bali, it sounds nice Casual and fun on the beach!

It's good to let your anger out. Maybe you felt that need to be in control to compensate the lack of control you had growing up? Feeling in control and the thrill sound like plausible reasons for which someone might shoplift, you're probably onto something with these as well.

I hope to go back to Bali at some point in my life. Hope you have a chance to visit there. You will find fantastic views and may find some negative parts of their culture.

I thought the same way: I feel I need to be in control to compensate the lack of control that I had growing up. I need to feel in control in order to have compensation for the lack of control in my childhood. I need to feel thrill in order to ???... I don't know why I need to be in thrill...
How do you guess why I need to be in thrill?


Today, I had a terrifying moment. I was at a Canadian Tire. I was thinking to buy a small round silver battery. It costs around 6 dollars for such a small thing. Well, I had a sudden urge to steal it. I told myself in my mind " hey, gato, this is such a tiny battery. Do you really wanna pay 6 bucks for such a small thing? You can seal it very easily. You can break the package sneakily and slip it in your pocket. Nobody will find it. Out of package, it has no barcode. The alarm not gonna beep when you go out". I was almost going to do it. But then I tried to be a nice Gato. I told myself, "Well... this is small, but expensive. Probably it requires high technique to make this sort of battery. I should pay for their efforts and knowledge". Then the sudden urge stopped. But I was still in shock. I thought I already overcame shoplifting, but it's still there. The monster who wants to shoplift is within myself. The monster scares me.

It sounds like a good place to visit anyway.


Maybe you get the thrill from the feeling of control, like you're getting past the authority figures?

Congratulations!!! You fought the impulse and it sounds like it worked yayyyyyyyyyyy

jasmin wrote:It sounds like a good place to visit anyway.


Maybe you get the thrill from the feeling of control, like you're getting past the authority figures?

Congratulations!!! You fought the impulse and it sounds like it worked yayyyyyyyyyyy

Yes! I think so. I feel the thrill when I am getting past the authority figures.

I feel control by getting past them. I am compensating myself by getting past the authority.
I had no control in my childhood because authority was in my way...

Yes, I fought the impulse and beat it up. Besides, Now I even know where the impulse comes from (It comes from my desire to get past the authority figures). This desire is a soil to grow my impulse. Byproduct of this impulse is the thrill... I feel I had a small triumph when the hostel compensated me. However, having a small triumph is not my true goal. I need to find authority who are doing the right thing. I need to find father, mother, therapist, landlord, doctor, teacher who have done right and fair things... My desire is not to continue fighting and keep tasting a small triumph, but my true desire is to find authority that I can trust. Again, I do not enjoy small triumph, but when somebody treats me unfairly, I need to ask a compensation and an apology to take care of myself and to feel confidence.

You have a good attitude and good thoughts, gato Yea, wanting to find good authority figures and fellow adults that you can trust is healthy, I think.
You're standing up for yourself when being treated unfairly, that proves that you are strong and have good boundaries.