It all started when I was 12. My single mum never had much money so my two younger sisters, my younger brother and I never really got nice things like our friends unless it was our birthdays or christmas. I would go into shops and steal little things like jewellery, hairclips and make up. This progressively got worse and I started stealing shoes by simply putting them on my feet and replacing my old ones. I would take my younger sibblings shopping with me so that I could use their push chair to steall things like clothes,coats and bags. When I turned 15 my mum developed a heroin addiction. This left us poorer than ever so the shoplifting just carried on getting worse. Needless to say, I eventually got caught. Not much happened, I was cautioned and my mum was too smacked up to care. In fact, my mum then started to shoplift as well so that she had more money to spend on her gear, which turned into stealing things to sell to buy the gear. We would go out stealing together and even fill up trolleys of food and not pay for them. It got so bad that I would even go into expenssive clothes shops, rip off the tags and take them. I didn't care about the holes. I had nice things, for free.
I left school early with no qualifications. I started a job as a waitress and glass collector. I worked a lot of hours and earned £100 a week but that didn't stop me stealing. If I could get something for free (which was almost everything) I would. My mum went to prison when I was 17, for shoplifting. By this point we had both been caught a handful of times and recieved cautions, and £80 fines on numerous occations. At this point I met my lovely boyfriend and some fantastic friends that mean the world to me. Everyone knew about what I did, and no one approved, but I assume that they put it down to my family life and turned a blind eye. Throughout my relationship I had a few crappy jobs but spent most of the time on the dole and my boyfriend was then same, so I would still shoplift.
When I hit 22 I decided to go to college. I enrolled on a 2 year child care course and had to undergo an enhanced police check. To my suprise ther was only one insident on my crb, but it is so shameful to have to explain to somebody that you made a mistake as a teenager (when I know I am still doing it!), and hope to god that they don't judge you as a dishonest person. My boyfriend now has a fantastic job and I don't want for anything. He has been trying to get me to stop for quite a few years now. I never really saw it as a problem until recently. There was an incodent when we were going to one of my favourite shops and I didn't have my (extremely large) handbag with me. I so badly wanted to go home and get it but my boyfriend wouldn't let me. I managed to leave the store without stealing a thing but felt like I was missing out. We then went to a supermarket and I stole a few silly items like a bow for a present and a paper lampshade. We needed them but I just felt like I had to take something. It wasn't like I couldn't afford it. It was from this point on that I realised I had a problem. I couldn't go anywhere without taking something. It wasn't to bad if I didn't want anything (the things I steal are always something I want or need) or if i didn't buy anything, but if I was paying for one item I would put another item in my bag.
I'm not sure I am classed as a kleptomaniac, but I definatley have an addiction to shoplifting. I think it is just something that I have always done. It has just dawned on me that I have been shoplifting for 12 years. I am really struggling to let it go. Where do I start? Do I go to my doctor? I really really want to stop, but at the same time I don't want to either. I know i'll miss it and I keep imagining that I have the same psychological relationship with it as an alcoholic does with booze. Please help!
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