I need to write it all down...

I started shop lifting when i was in middle school and i would walk around town with my friends. We would steal little things, like candy, but the most important things would be lighters and body spray. We would play with them and see who could do the most impressive tricks with lighting things on fire. I think most of them have stopped, but i've moved from there and dont get to spend as much time with them as i used too. I kept stealing after i moved, and got caught for the first time at the local shoprite (if you cant tell, im american). Since i had never done it before, i was 14 and i was stealing a little $2 listerine pack, i didnt get into any trouble at the store, but i did with my family. I promised that i would never do it again and said that i hadnt done it before. I kept stealing. Its always been small things, candy, pens, liters, playing cards. When i got brave i would take bottles of soda. Ive stolen countless water bottles from my highschool caffeteria by simply putting them in my pocket while the lunch ladies were putting in money from the other students. I dont steal every time I go out. Sometimes ill want to steal something, but think better of it. Sometimes Ill take something, put it in my pocket, then put it back 2 minutes later. I was caught again a couple of weeks ago on my goddamned senior trip, the first one that my school has had in 5 years. It was the last night, and only the chaparones knew about it. Them, my family and my girlfriend are the only people that know. I had stolen the night before. I took a keychain from a store near my hotel and gave it to a girl who liked it. I hadnt flirted with anybody all trip because i have a girlfriend (whos a year younger then me) and i think i did it to impress her and the other girls without betraying my girlfriends trust. Then the next day i got caught in one of the stores at Universal Studios, where we spent the day. Im not allowed back there for another year now because of it. Because of that my school is mandating counceling, but it will be kept secret. It hasnt started yet. I also promised my girlfriend that i wouldnt steal again. Ive kept true to that, but its only been 3 weeks and im nervous that it will start again. I know i've wanted to. Just yesterday i was in New York City to see an Opera with the school chamber chorus that im a part of. We went for lunch at a little bistro, and i picked up a bottle of Coca Cola, and the first thought in my mind, with all of my best friends around me, my girlfriend three feet away, and my two favorite teachers right there next to me, was that i could slip this into my backpack and nobody would know. I stopped myself before i did it. Two other times i caught myself instinctively checking stores for cameras, just like i used to. Both times my girlfriend was holding my hand. I hate to admit it, but i think i seriously have kleptomania. I dont like to think that there is something wrong with me, but how can i ignore the facts? I've done it before, ive been caught twice, i constantly think about doing it. Ive decided to start wearing a rubber band around my wrist so i can snap it whenever i think of shoplifting. Im really nervous that this will destroy my dream... Ive wanted to be an officer in the Army since i was nine years old, and im afraid that some day im going to start all over again, get caught again, and ruin my future...

Sory for the rant.

Hi,

I had a shoplifting addiction too, but it stopped abruptly when I was caught and the guys threatened to call the police to presecute me. That would have put a black mark on my record for the rest of my life... ...things like that NEVER disappear - it'll always be there until the day you die. I do'nt think you've really had anything too bad happen to you yet for you to really see with open eyes the damage this addiction can cause. I was able to stop on my own accord because I was absolutely terrified when I was caught, but you've already been caught and 'got away with it', which has meant that you haven't learned anything.

It doesn't sound like you can get over this on your own, and therefore you must seek help for it. Sorry that this sounds so harsh, but I'm trying to get the message through to you.

I originally began stealing when the global recession hit, but it also was part of my bulimia (long story). Wh did you start exactly? Was it just as a fun thing to do with your friends?

Kevin

Actually, i kinda forgot about this (which in a way is sad) but the first things that I ever stole were guitar picks, when i was really young and still learning. Ive stolen probably hundreds of those, most of them lost by this point. I honestly dont remember why I used to take them. Afterwards, it was somethat that i did with friends. It became a game, in many ways, us all trying to impress eachother. The biggest thing i ever stole was a 3 liter bottle of soda. I think i won that day. Since then, im not really sure why ive done it. When i got caught last time, my justification was that it was for my girlfriend. I had already bought her this beautiful amber neclace and earing set. I knew she wouldnt use what i wanted to steal for her. But that was my justification.

And i shouldnt say that nothing happened to me. I dont have a record and my school didnt punish me, just mandate counceling, and my parents didnt punish me, but it opened my eyes, honestly. I talked with one of the chaperones about it right after it happened, told her that i had done it before, often, and had a huge "oh $#%^" moment. Ironically, i had to do a report on Kleptomania for my psychology class. That really should have done it, no?

No, ironically, I think that writing a report on kleptomania would 'glamourise' the whole thing, to be honest. Jokingly, what you need is a 'kick up the arse' to make you realise what you're doing

Anyway, I don't know if this might help: Try to see your past life as completely separate from your new life that you are now going to enter. Your kleptomanic episodes are all history, and are no longer to be brought forward. You are a new person with new goals, ideas, etc. If you are to being kleptomania with you into your new life in any way, it should be in a supportive role only - i.e. you can be the one to help others with the problem deal with it.

...I'm doubtful that helps you, but here's hopin'..


Kevin

Actually, its a nice way of thinking about things. It does help in its own sense. Thanks.


Today i was in a Borders and realized that the books that i was looking at could easily fit in my jacket pocket. I stopped myself from taking them and sat down to read. While i was reading i started thinking about just taking them, even though i had the money for them. I didnt even realize what i was doing until i caught myself checking the ceiling for cameras. I stopped myself again and kept reading, eventally buying the books, but as i left i started thinking about going back and taking a bookmark, or some candy or something. I just really wanted to take something. Im happy to say that i stopped myself today, went to see a movie and didnt think about it again, but i cant help but worry that maybe next time i wont stop myself...

That's pretty awesome that you wer able to stop yourself. I didn't know that you have Borders over there in the USA though. Actually, as I think about it now, I think I remember reading hat it started there or something. I think you'll be okay with regard to this from now on, but don't rule out the odd set-back here or there. The road is never smooth to recovery.

kevin

Yup, Borders and Barnes and Nobles are the big book franchises. The Borders is neerest me, though, and i spend a lot of time there. But i didnt start there, i started in the music store that i took my first guitar lessons in. Then, when i was older and it all started up again, it was at the CVS (drug store chain) and Shoprite near where i used to live.

Thanks, though, for the support. I am proud that I was able to stop myself, and i shouldnt be surprised that i still want to steal. But it bothers me, still.