Scared...I feel like I can't stop.

I started randomly shoplifting small makeup items (mostly testers) from Ulta and Sephora a while back. I don't even plan on shoplifting. I go shopping like normal and then decide on the stop to take some things. Today is the first time I took something brand new. Normally I grab testers that can be sanitized. So I picked up a few things to browse around with, wandered around, and when I was in the cheap section of Ulta w/o cameras, dropped the items in my coat pocket instead of in my shopping bag.

Then I went to the restroom. I unboxed the items (3 lipsticks, an eyeliner, and an eyeshadow. I wrapped the boxes in TP and put in the trash. A couple minutes after leaving the bathroom an employee said "Ma'am, can you come here?" I glanced her way, said nothing, saw her holding the wrapped up packaging, and I immediately left the store.

I didn't go straight to my car, I went to the Target next door for about 10 minutes. Then I left that store on the far side away from Ulta and slowly went back to my car. Thank goodness I was parked in the Target lot about halfway back. I didn't see anybody outside Ulta like they were looking for me.

I drove home as soon as I got in my car. This has scared me off of shoplifting. I feel so horrible and awful and scared.

I have 2 issues. 1) Why am I shoplifting? I don't plan to or want to and then feel bad. I wonder if it's grief/stress. My dad died and since then I've had issues with spending too much money, sleeping all the time, constantly staying home, etc...

2) Can they catch me from this incident? It was under $100 in product. No police were present and no alarms went off. I'm sure there may be surveillance of me but I was careful too. I dropped the items in my pocket away from cameras when I was out of sight in the cheap aisles. And I did the actual concealment in the bathroom, again, not visible. So all they know is I came in the store, walked around, went to the bathroom. Then they found wrappers in there. Can they prove it was me? Also, would they even pursue this? They didn't successfully stop me, so they have no ID, no DL plate #, no verbal admission of anything. And likely the camera never actually caught me stealing.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It does sound awful. So stressful. I don't know why you're shop lifting. But grief can play out in many weird ways. Likewise stress. Might you be able to talk this through with a counsellor? There's nothing wrong with you for deciding to find a therapist. It's not "weak" or "only for mad people" or "you should be over it" or anything like that. Having someone there to listen. Even if it's just venting. Or not saying much at all. Can be really powerful. And they shouldn't judge you, either. Just try to help.

Can Ulta catch you? I would think not. Like you say, there isn't much evidence. However, I wouldn't go back near there. Just because they can't press charges, doesn't mean they couldn't try to scare you into a confession. And you were in the wrong, so it would be difficult to claim harassment. The cost doesn't make any difference. Most shops will try to prosecute on any amount. Because otherwise there's little deterrent.

Might this happen again? Yes. That's the addiction bit. Even if you don't want to. And think you won't. The impulses in the moment can be just as strong. As for an alcoholic passing a bar. Or a gambling addict going by a slot machine. Better to sort out what's underneath this. Before anything else happens.

And. If you'd like them. Safe hugs to you. This is so hard to deal with. Don't beat yourself up. Be gentle. And if you can, brave about dealing with it.