Started Revenge Stealing and now Shoplifting. Why?

About me: Late 20's female, never stolen before (maybe some minor stuff as kid, like stealing pennies from my grandpa's money jar occasionally). I did sneak food as a teen b/c mom was obsessive about my eating. Otherwise never stole up until this last year.

Last year I started working as a personal assistant for some really demanding clients. All of them loved my work ethic and thought I was a great employee but would verbally abuse me, degrade/humiliate me and one even slapped and yelled at me on occasion. Had to smile and nod to keep my job. Frequently they would apologize or be really nice to me by making it up (paid time-off, small gift etc) but the abuse wouldn't stop. I worked for an agency that did nothing to intervene with this behavior and had to endure the abuse to keep my job.

Of course I was angry about being yelled or hit for no reason and especially about being degraded. During this time I began to steal small things from my boss(es). First it was just pens, then it was nicer pens, notepads, office stuff. Then I began to do my own personal errands during their time (time theft) or laze away the hours and chalk it up to some logical excuse. I began to steal loose cash, stiff bills etc. I am reasonably intelligent so I was never caught.

Eventually decided to leave the service industry due to my anger at mistreatment and got into small business retail. I found a small business I really loved and wanted to work for and got the job. Was very happy to be part of the team, but the owner was a real a-hole. Again, would treat me like an inferior (didn't help I was the only young employee by 20+ years and physically diminutive/petite). She would make fun of my clothes, my hair, my body (I am not fat, I am slender). When I asked for help in training she would laugh and/or mock me. On and on, again, she would yell at me. It got so bad even other supervisors told me to "Stand up" to her. I could never do this as I was scared to death by her very presence.

I began to revenge steal from her, same as before. I took over $2,000 worth of goods, if not more from her store. I didn't even steal stuff I wanted or liked, often just threw it away in the garbage! Again, was never suspected as I was clever enough to get away with it and smart enough to take things I didn't seem to want or use. The worse it got the more I took or destroyed.

Long story short, I walked away from this job when she began to yell at me in public. I thought stealing would end but now I compulsively shoplift at other retails stores, especially small businesses whose owners I dislike or think or assholes. I really hate small business owners and steal from businesses I hate. It's weird b/c if I "respect" a store, owner or something I won't steal from them. I have so sort of twisted thing.

Recently, however, began to compulsively steal from large retail outlets (think Walmart, Target). This terrifies me b/c it feels addictive versus vengeful and I am sort of addicted to it despite the fact I am afraid of it/want to stop.

If I am honest with myself I feel like I won't get caught and I like the adrenaline/high of taking stuff. I almost feel it isn't wrong and that it is like a game.

When I take from people I don't like I feel justified/satiated, like I am punishing them.

I know this is wrong, childish and dangerous but I can't stop/don't feel like I want to stop. It doesn't help that I can't talk to anyone about this whereas before I was relatively transparent with my partner about stuff that troubles me.

I think part of my problem is that I believe I won't get caught because I have gotten away with it and am "above average" intelligence. I know this is false but somehow it is tied to the lifting.

Help?

so basically, we both should be in jail long time ago. I stopped stealing over 8 years ago now.. but stealing gave me a feeling of power.. i mostly stole things i couldn't buy yet.. since I was not 21 at the time I gave them to friends and also fueled an underage drinking problem

anyways.. I stopped because i felt my personal integrity slipping away, to me that was scary enough to stop. I wanna have some conscience left in the world.. and even though I could get anything i want in any retail store so long as it's not oversized.. I buy stuff now no matter what. Just ask yourself if you treasure those two bolded things enough. If not.. how much you never wanna slip up and get arrested, that would be terribly embarrasing, yea we're keen and crafty.. but if you do something enough.. statistically you'll slip up eventually.

I've been shoplifting for about ten years now. I have been caught twice, once a few months after I started shoplifting, and again almost ten years later. I thought I had outsmarted the system, and that my methods gave me protection against getting caught, it doesn't. No matter how well you think you shoplift, you'll get caught, or you'll stop and prevent it. I'm seeing a counselor about my shoplifting addiction, and realizing that the shoplifting is a way to soothe yourself, and that to stop shoplifting, you must target the real problem. I revenge stole a lot, I also did it because I didn't want to spend the money, but it only made me feel better for a moment, then after awhile I didn't feel anything for shoplifting, but I felt like I needed to do it. It's a long road to recovery, but it is possible.

When I worked I used to steal from both of my jobs and never got caught. When I was in my 20's it was at a clothing department store. Got away with quite a bit. I used to shop expensive jeans, Chanel makeup & perfume... etc. Then "return" the items back to my CC and still keep the items. It was an elaborate scheme I came up with to deal with my addiction to fancy clothes and pricey makeup! Also to dispose my worrying about paying off my HIGH credit card bills. I would come in to work with the items' tags, my receipt and, of course, I had to memorize the log-in and password of another employee. She had to be on shift, on the clock, but not around me. I would log in and return all the items by simply scanning the receipt and the tags and I would sign the credit back onto my card. I don't know how I didn't get caught. I was fast! I did that maybe 2 or 3 times. The rest I stole under my clothes or in my backpack..

Then 7 years later I started working in a Beauty Dept. store and after a while the "itch" came back. I started stealing every shift. I started small. Some lipstick or a few bottles of nail polish.. I probably stole a good couple of thousand dollars worth after a year or two there. I even stole extra to sell. After about a year or 2.. I quit that job because I was getting married and moving to another state.

Nobody there knew I stole. I Never got caught. Nobody even suspected me when they would notice stolen things (opened boxes, etc) they would blame customers. I'm white, female and look very shy and innocent. Plus I got along with everybody and can be very sweet. My vice is to steal..

AND boy did I get a thrill every time I stole. I remember starting to steal only when the younger managers/assistant managers were on duty. Then I did it when the store manager was there. I got away with it. I was golden. I got so good at it, I was leaving almost every shift with a few hundred dollars worth of stolen merch on my body. NOBODY EVER KNEW! Sometimes I stole just out of boredom while on shift. I'd see something I like. Take it. Other times I would plan ahead of time "lists" in my head of what to lift when I was next on shift. When I planned ahead I would get extra nervous and jittery before going in to work. But I would always get what I wanted and more. JuST talking about this gives me a high.

I'm not working now. Just a young housewife soon to be Mom.. MAYBE? I still steal every now and again. Mostly makeup... at the drugstore or Walmart. Whatever is close by. I can't keep up with all the new things that come out and it's so much easier to steal $10 or $20 worth than stand in line and charge it on my card and having to figure out how to pay for it later. I don't want to stop. I don't want to ever get caught though. But I love getting away with it. AND having so much makeup to test out and play with FOR FREE. It's awesome.

Watching YouTube beauty videos is what I think brought my stealing habit back out. THEY get so much sent to them for FREE. I started getting jealous and entitled. I wanted it all too. I used to buy it all. Then I started to run out of money. Stealing is so easy and it's always FREE. so...