Why do I Shoplift?

Why do I shoplift?

This is the question I have been asking my self for the past 24 hours… the past 15 years. I mean that was when it first began really. But the thing is, I’m sober now and working a 12 step program… so why am I still shoplifting. How have I managed to justify this for the past 4 years of my sobriety? Seriously, what the eff is wrong with me? I like the immediate gratification…I like feeling good, even if it is only temporary. I have somehow convinced myself that it really has no impact and harms no one, but that’s not true. Worst of all it is harming my relationship. I don’t think he is seeing me the same anymore, but as someone who is still sick. Am I still sick? I guess so, but then, we are never actually cured. In the weeks to come, a warrant will probably be issued for my arrest. I was asked to stop outside of Kroger and continued on to my car. I have shoplifted at the store in the past…they were waiting for me. Each time it is never more than 50 dollars, but sum total it could possibly be over 500. I haven’t slept in 48 hours; I don’t know how I am going to get through this. Why in my life does it always have to be the absolute worst outcomes and consequences that get me to change. I don’t want to feel like I did 4 years ago, but practicing my eating disorder and committing petty theft (at thirty effing years old) will in no way help me to stay in recovery and isn’t that what its all about? Recovery was a gift… that being said, it is something that needs to be nourished and fed. Im barely keeping my little sapling from rotting out… I guess I am just venting but it has to start somewhere and I am too ashamed to speak up about at my meetings.

Hi. I read your post from a year ago? Are you still on this site? I wanted to share something with you but don't want to type a page of stuff if you're not still on here. Thank you. Lisa

Lisaemily1 wrote:Hi. I read your post from a year ago? Are you still on this site? I wanted to share something with you but don't want to type a page of stuff if you're not still on here. Thank you. Lisa

Lisaemily1 - I'm in a similar situation, I'd still like to hear what you have to say

An interesting situation, to be sure. Do you think shoplifting is different from downloading torrents? Why or why not?

I started shoplifting for the VERY first time at the age of 25. It started mere days (maybe weeks) after my grandfather passed away. I was working at the mall. In a department store. I found out that one of the employee back rooms/lounge/closet? Had surplus of untagged items.. perfumes not in boxes, expensive polo shirts, etc. So I would grab them and then take to the counter and where camera couldn't see stuff into my very large purse. I never got caught.

I think the high helped me deal with my loss?

It started small at first. Then I started going into the dressing rooms on my lunch break and trying on tons of things, they never counted, and would layer stuff under my clothes to keep and steal. I would go to my car right after to take it off and keep it.

It finally got so bad that I would buy things, expensive things, with my credit card and then I came up with a plan to return it all (credit back to my card) but still keep the items. I saved all of my receipts and learned the log in and password of another employee for the register. I logged in as her (when she was on the clock but not around me) would scan the receipt and the tags and return/sign the credit back to my card. NEVER GOT CAUGHT! I did it maybe twice? Both a few hundred dollars worth of "returns" mind you.

I would also switch tags on expensive items for clearance ones and pay in the men's department, they were too stupid to know that the $200 Juicy Couture coat I was trying to buy shouldn't be priced $20! Then I completely stopped. And I quit that job. I never got caught. I was lucky.

Fast forward 7 years later and it started again. I will continue my story, if you care?

Impulsive behavior is one of those things that you MUST learn to deal with or you can get in serious trouble, I can empathize with you and totally understand what your dealing with, honestly it's not worth your freedom, I find that having like.... a vape to puff on, a sucker in your mouth , just something to fiddle with and concentrate on can keep you busy so you don't act on compulsion, also just considering the consequences can help, no one wants to be in a cage, I find it easier to control when i'm sober, staying busy, ((getting in trouble once or twice can help to kind of... let you see how real it is, )) I find that mindfulness training helps a little bit, not drinking helps, i've had too much to drink and just woke up with stuff i have no idea where i got it, drugs can do that as well, honestly the most effective thing for me is just wanting to be a good rolemodel for my son, I don't want him thinking that something is ok to do because I did it, I don't even know if you will see this or if your on this board still but, maybe it will help someone.