Being arrested and going to jail

is truly the worst. I used to be a compulsive shoplifter until last year when I was caught and arrested two times in a week. The second time I was in jail for a day. It was one of the worst experiences of my life, literally like being in hell. I missed my court date for the second case and cops came to my college and coordinate with my professor to arrest me after class. My professor said "Please come sit in this room, someone has to talk to you." And two seconds later some cops walked in. I almost died of shock. The worst thing is I had simply gotten the date wrong-- I was intending to go to my court date.

Shortly afterwards I started to believe that my phone was tapped and thought people were following me and monitoring my every move. I still have flashbacks and horrible nightmares about getting arrested and being in jail. It affects me to this day. My mugshot ended up on the internet and since I have an unusual name anyone could google me and see my horrible picture and arrest record. I had to pay a bunch of money to take my record off the various sites that had it up, and even now there is one google result record up without a mugshot that, it seems, will just be there forever, because apparently there's no way of taking it down.

The whole horrible thing made me feel so pathetic and humiliated. I'm now extremely paranoid. Has anyone else been arrested for shoplifting and find that it still affects them deeply?

Sounds like a terrible situation. Has the experience of being arrested, with the associated bad feelings you described, worked to suppress your desire to shoplift - or has there been no difference?

Yes-arrested four times in all. I was lucky to avoid a criminal conviction. I know its a worry about the goggle entry but its only for shoplifting and not armed robbery or child abuse. You could easily explain it as a period of mental illness if ever asked. Plus the more years that go by the less relevant it will be.
How are you now?

This post was many years ago but yes I was recently arrested for shoplifting, It was a massive shock, I do not think i was aware of the consequences, I do not know what I was thinking, now its months later and the shame is still intense, I am glad I found this post to help me to know I am not alone.

Stealing is caused in my case and many other cases by grief and loss and shame to begin with, I do feel there is a sense of entitlement as I did feel cheated in ways by life, I have cptsd and it is hard for me to be vunerable so I guess I shop alone and steal things to make myself feel better and happy.

It makes me so so sad now to think about it and look back and see how I was and how I was so unconscious and unhappy and low self image, getting caught was terrible there is no denying but it did make me aware of my unconscious feelings about myself, I was not holding myself in high regard or else I would not risk this , it was almost like a desperation of some sort, like a cry for help but the only person that can save me is me, I understand that now, then it was different, the helplessness and powerlessness was there, it still is here but now its shame and now I can See so clearly the helplessness the powerlessness that was unconscious if that makes sense, so in that sense maybe this intense pain has theraputic value.

I will not compromise myself ever again, and actually it has made me feeling so angry too, like why did i do it too myself to begin with, I do not have to steal to be worthy or happy, I am entitled to happiness like everyone else.

I am working through intense feelings right now, shame is a hard one, shoplifting is viewed in society as extremely immoral and looked down upon, definitely stigmatised and that one is so hard to come to terms with, my true self and nature and then this stigmatised acts I got arrested for, and trying to find resolve with those two things together its the hardest, i know I am a good person yet I feel so much intense shame and it sucks the life out of you.

What I read today was helpful, a poem about toxic shame, and how our society is toxic in its judgements and it was actually so healing to read those words written by another, I can post it here if allowed after this.

My point is we do this from a place of pain and we are met with more judgement and pain and I guess that is life, it is not easy but if we want to break a cycle of pain shame is not going to do it, what will do it is knowledge, understanding, its as important as compassion, because the opposite of judgement is knowledge, and if you truly understand, judgement is null and void, all it is is a tool used, a construct in society to condemn, it does not bring about change only more pain, because those shamed then feel they are that shame and internalise it and act out more.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.