Newbie

Hello, my name is Emily. I am 15 years old, and a high school student.

I first started stealing about 3 months ago because my best friend did. And since she did it, I didn't think it was a big deal.

That was a big mistake. At first, I didn't steal again for about a month. And when I did steal again, it was from the dollar store. Again, I didn't think it was a big deal.

I have never stolen clothes, movies, or anything over $20. I know that doesn't make it any better, but I figure it's a start.

Recently, I have gotten to the point, that I steal almost everyday. Even if it's only one thing. I don't have anxiety on the days that I don't steal, but I now feel that this HAS to be a compulsive behavior.

Most of my thefts are premeditated. Also, where as I used to look through magazines and say, "I should buy that." Now I look through magazines and say, "I should steal that."

I've also noticed that I've "moved up" in a sense. I now steal from Rite-Aid, and Krogers, instead of the Dollar Store. That again has me worried, because I don't know what's next.

I'm not sure why I do this. My only obvious reason is that its free. I like having a new lipgloss whenever I want. However, it's just not worth the risk...and while I acknowledge that, I still can't stop!

I wonder if it could have something to do with the death of my mother, or my father's former alcoholism (he's currently in AA). I'm not an attention seeker, at least I don't think I am. I am on Prozac, for my depression. Other than that... I don't really know.

The thought of getting caught scares me to death. Going to hell scares me to death. I am a saved person, who goes to church as often as I can. However, I'm not sure if this will, reverse it? I don't know anymore...

I know this isn't good, and I want to stop! Honest to God, I feel like I have these 2 different people in my head. I have the Honor's Student who doesn't know why I'm doing this, and wants to stop. Then I have the bad person inside, who thinks its free stuff, so what's bad about it?

Please reply and help...I want to beat this before I get caught.

I don't know if you will ever come back and read this, but I am gonna write to you anyway because you remind me of me. I used to shoplift and you are the first person I have ever told. I made good grades in school and didn't need the stuff b/c I had the money to buy it.
I am not sure what made me start shoplifting. It scared me to death and I felt like God would punish me when I would get a rational thought about it. But the compulsion overtook me.
I luckily never got caught but I came pretty close.
God was looking out for me and I feel very blessed.
My mom committed suicide 4 years ago. That may have something to do with it. I don't know. I really hope you read this and that you stop before you get caught. It is so crazy how big of a deal they will make out of people stealing a $4.00 brush or something stupid like that. I wish you the best of luck Emily. and I am sorry about your mom.