Help and suffer from major depression

Hello... I am writing her to talk to other people going through what i am going through. i am 40 years old with two beautiful children, i am depressed and for about 20 years I have been shoplifting and been charged 3 times, but i cant stop. I hate myself and i wish i was dead.

That's a tough situation, bully72. Are you getting support for your depression? Have you talked to your psych about the shoplifting?

Kleptomania might be related to your depression, I think if you can get some helpful treatment for your mood disorder, your other problematic behaviors might decrease.

Please try to think in a way which won't make you hate yourself. You and me we have a disorder, a sickness. Depression, dissociative states, borderline personality, it all is connected to kleptomania so you see, it's really something from deep within.
I've read that writing about it is very helpful. Listing all the times you stole and what as much as your memory can help you (I don't aim for perfection here, I aim for just remembering as much as I can). Write whether you have a clue why you stole it- impulse, compulsion, bad day, fall out with someone, heavier depression. Write about the consequences- the charges, the feelings of guilt shame and self-hate.
It won't hurt to try this technique, I am doing this now and feel stronger. I figured out some dealing mechanisms, in my case I swore an oath on something really precious in my life and am determined never to be screamed at or treated like $#%^ just because I stole something. Nobody has the right to stop me, hold me back from going away, and I will try my best to give anyone the chance to do this to me.
I hope this helps a bit. Definitely start with forgiving yourself. Or start starting forgiving yourself, it's a hard process, and lots of tears can happen.
I wish you the best.

PS any AD's you tried? maybe better chosen meds can help a bit?