Over 50 and Bi-Curious

The wonderful thing about these forums is that they have created a safe space where men (and women) can express their inner feelings without fear of being ostracized or viewed as a perverted outcast. I have found over the years that the most common phrase in most thoughtful sexually oriented forums is: "I have similar feelings". Anonymity is a gift.

No problem about the name.

gnawdol wrote: Anonymity is a gift.

I absolutely agree with your latest post, gnawdol, but especially about anonymity! I've posted things on this forum that I've never revealed to anyone before, including my wife (to whom I tell just about everything). They say confession is good for the soul. I say, Amen to that! Being able just get it out is very liberating.

gnawdol wrote:without fear of being ostracized or viewed as a perverted outcast.

This why I'm not afraid to post here instead of social media!

Anonymity isn't merely a gift; PF enforces it! As should all forums afaic, but being mental health forums, it is absolutely paramount. Also being mental health forums, there are occasionally members that find that hard to comply with, unable and/or unwilling to understand that. Often as a moderator I've had to protect people from themselves in that regard. If it's allowed on PF, then if a person can't open up here, that's on them, because we strive for our members to be able to reveal anything they wish about their innermost feelings, thoughts and desires, without fear of reprisal or judgment. It's here that I speak of my mental illness, my sexual proclivities, etc in a way that I wouldn't dream of doing elsewhither.

Diogenes you might want to read back a few posts- I have not been in forum and there was a post from gnawdol waiting to be approved, a very long and stimulating post! That predates the exchange about names. You'll want to read it!

To add to that, gnawdol... prostate orgasm is something that I've never quite experienced, though I have come close. That is to say, I'm one of those who if penetrated anally, I'm not going to maintain much of an erection after penetration... after some good dildo play, orgasm has traditionally come very easily with only the slightest (flaccid) penile stimulation- indeed, while I am sure I could enjoy sex with another male in more than one way, at heart I do consider myself very much a bottom, when it comes to how I'd prefer to sexually relate to another male. Relating your experience makes me think I really ought to get myself a nice toy or two and take back up where I left off long ago in that regard.

Also, gnawdol, you really won the sensual lottery when you met that wife of yours. Just sayin'.

I did go back and read gnawdol's post that I missed. Thanks, Snaga, for the heads up. Very stimulating read!

There's a well known age old document that says, "Though shalt not covet thy neighbors wife" so I won't. But, if I did, gnawdol's wife would be pretty high up on my list!

More later. Sleep beckons

Ha ha ha Diogenes. It feeds my male ego to have another man make that comment. I am very lucky indeed. I have a post that I will be putting up to add to the temptation LOL. Yes Snaga, the anonimity is a wonderful gift. When I was a moderator on *mod edit* they called me the "agony uncle". Many oif the younger women there would message me privately and cry on my shoulder. It was very humbling and rewarding to play that role.

Beyond the individual support is the value of these places as "support groups". We all need to vent and share our hassles. It makes struggles easier.

gnawdol wrote: I have a post that I will be putting up to add to the temptation

I'll be looking forward to it!

Well, posts on this topic have slowed down!

I've been busy focusing on another topic on PF concerning desires with my wife. You may have read some of it. This topic is kind of related to that one. But, some further thoughts on this one!

I've had some degree of same sex attraction since "experimenting" with my best friend during sleepovers and long periods of unsupervised "play time" when we were probably in elementary/middle school (ages maybe 11-13). I still think back on those days and it gets me aroused. I didn't think of it as sex. I just thought of it as playing naked with each other with little, but very hard and sensitive, penises. My prepubescent hormones were raging and I loved it.

I've been with my wife for 50 years now and we've had lots of great sex but I still have that Bi-Curiosity. When I say same sex attraction, it's really been same genitalia attraction. I've never been attracted to "men" per se. Just their fun parts.

I think it's interesting that this topic is specifically "Over 50...." I've noticed, now that I'm much older, that I'm starting to be attracted to the idea of actually having a man make love to me and not just let me play with his naughty parts.

I think there may be hormones involved in this change in attraction. (The fact that my wife is no longer interested in sex, or more specifically, mostly interested in NOT having sex, may be a contributing factor. Her hormones may be at play there as well.) I haven't been tested but I think my testosterone is way off and my estrogen in on the rise. I've developed a couple of cute, relatively little compared to my wife's, but distinct "man boobs". My wife has confirmed that I've definitely got tits! I actually really like them. Her not so much. My nipples are quite sensitive and when lightly touched (or played with) it goes straight to my genitals. It gets my prostate in gear making semen (not an entirely unpleasant sensation)!

I'm not Trans but my body seems to be making some transitions on it's own. I believe I have what has been referred to as Autogynephilia. When I look at myself naked in the full length mirror I see myself as a woman and I LIKE it! I imagine a strong virile man taking me in his arms and treating me like a woman should be treated in bed. Of course, I have NO actual desire to become a woman. I am who I am and, though it causes me lots of frustration and mental health problems, I accept it. I kinda love it actually but, at the same time, it's really not good.

So, anyway this is about my observations on the hormonal affect on sexual attraction but I've enjoyed baring my soul and doing a psychological striptease (Yes, I have a predilection for exposing myself to consenting adults I also am inclined to be submissive but that's probably a whole other topic! )

That's all for now. Talk amongst yourselves and have a nice day!

21cDiogenes wrote: I believe I have what has been referred to as Autogynephilia.

Autogynephilia doesn't get enough love these days. It's very much against Transgender orthodoxy. Personally, I'm a firm believer in it, and I have long considered myself at the very least, autogynephilic. Thirty years ago, if I'd had opportunity and was suitably isolated from family, I could have seen myself doing some sort of partial transition. Although again, I think I am more that 'A' word, than actually gender dysphoric. Being female would be cool. It would also suit my personality. But that's not the same as being what used to be gender identity disorder in previous iterations of the DSM. I would like to be a girl; I am not. I'd also like to have a Mercedes, but I don't, and my Mercury doesn't identify as a Mercedes...

21cDiogenes wrote:I haven't been tested but I think my testosterone is way off and my estrogen in on the rise. I've developed a couple of cute, relatively little compared to my wife's, but distinct "man boobs".

I actually tried to grow some, for a while. Last year, mostly. I tried supplements said to block DHT, encourage aromatase, etc etc etc. Nothing. I thought that my T was dropping- not without some reason for it, close to a decade ago I had several actual honest-to-god hot flashes. Something, ironically, my other half never experienced. It's kind of amusing that I can watch a menopause commercial, and completely relate on what a hot flash feels like- once you've had one, you'll never mistake it for anything else... so I thought I could simply nudge myself over the edge into gynecomastia. Apparently there's still more T than I reckoned on, and I have no desire to do things that would overtly attempt to unbalance my hormones (supplements with parallel, unrelated health benefits can be explained away, estrogen/estradiol cream, not so much, also I decided taking a sledgehammer to my hormones when not actually trying to transition was a poor idea), so I reluctantly abandoned the folly. But hey, if you want to nudge things along, I know some of the tricks!

The title of this thread, when it first came into being, didn't surprise me in the least. I've spoken before of a now-defunct bisexual men's forum that I used to belong to, and a substantial percentage of users were men over fifty- and like you, many had experiences as adolescents that came back to titillate them after hitting middle age. Like you, a lot of them either seemed to start out, or were still in, the 'it's a genital thing' mindset- all about the penis and not much else. Which, as I've also noted, isn't my life story at all- I started having same-sex desires at adolescence, which have never left me. The intensity waxes and wanes for me- note that I don't believe my spot on the Kinsey scale actually changes, just the intensity of the 'need' waxes and wanes. Mostly manageable, sometimes even quiescent, then out of the blue it will hit me like a demon possessed, until I get a handle on it.

Back to hormones, I wonder what part they would play, for men who (re?)discover this interest later in life? If I'm not mistaken, I think the data for homosexuals is that they tend to have higher-than-average levels of T. Or at least, that's how it used to be, I think- in this soy-infused, microplastics age, do Gen Z even have testosterone at this point?