Over 50 and Bi-Curious

By the way, Elvenstar, I found your comments on "transmuting" interesting and potentially helpful. I'll have to work on that.
As far as "peace and balance"...... I'm hopeful and fairly confident that, with work and perseverance I'll be able to achieve some semblance of balance. As far as peace, I don't expect to find "true peace" until I "break on through to the other side". In the meantime I'm hopeful that my acceptance of my struggles, both sexual and with everyday challenges, will help me find "inner peace". This forum is actually helping me with that. I hope you find peace and balance as well!
As far as supporting you with your issues..... When I said "I feel for you" I didn't just men that as a figure of speech. I don't know you or the specifics of what you're going through but I could feel the pain in your other posts and it hurt my heart. I just want you to know that you are loved.

Also over 50 here and used to be bi curious; I am now bisexual. I am new member here. I am a highly sexually active 73 year old male. Although I am new here I am sexual forums, *mod edit* I remained active on two of those forums until four years ago when I quit both. However, I am still semi active on the third, *mod edit*. I have been a member of *mod edit* (it) introduced me to and taught me how have prostate orgasms using prostate massagers. *mod edit* It is also where I met other bi curious men.

I began to lean towards being bi curious when I was in my 40’s; back then I would occasionally rent videos of guys masturbating solo. I was fascinated watching men ejaculate. I began to wonder about my sexuality then from looking at rigid cocks pissing semen.

*mod edit* also was a place where I could anonymously chat openly with men about sexual topics. We would discuss our prostate orgasms, sexuality and life. As is the case with most guys who develop the skill to have prostate orgasms, I have been “rewired”. Rewiring is a complex thing that I can discuss in another thread in the future. Some of the key things relative to the topic of bisexuality that rewiring did to me (among other things) was that it changed my orgasmic response and triggers, improved my mind – body sexual connection, it taught me to be passive to experience ecstasy and it expanded my sense of the sensual. Foremost for me however, the reality was that rewiring contributed to my loss of sexual inhibition and made me more open minded relative to sex.
Over the twenty years of prostate orgasmic practice I have talked to, counseled and listened to many men who were walking the same path I was and who lost their inhibitions about sex and their sexuality as a result of rewiring.

I was amazed at the dozens and dozens of guys I met on the forums over the years that I had deep personal conversations with who were wondering about the bounds of their sexuality. The anonymity of the forums opened the door for me to be comfortable talking with men about sex. Many of the men I talked with talked of their intense curiosity about being sexual with a man; with all the attraction was the chance to pleasure another man’s penis. It was not a sexual attraction to the entire man, just his cock. Interesting enough most didn’t find themselves to feel the same sexual attraction for a clothed man that they had for a clothed woman. On my part I took the Hendrick and the EROS sexuality tests which confirmed that I was solidly heterosexual but had fringe homosexual interests that were within normal ranges. After my experience described below I discovered that the intimacy of being with a man was other worldly, it was more erotic than penis infatuation.
That brings me to this forum and the bi sexuality threads here.

Indeed there seems to be a thousand posts here discussing bisexuality or bi curiosity. I can tell you from my years of discussing sexuality with men on line that many normal heterosexual men are intrigued by m – m sexual expression and are attracted to it. They wonder about their own sexuality and whether they are bisexual. I came to realize that a man must lose his inhibitions to seriously experience the full gamut of his own sexuality and do more than just think about it. I can tell my own story and how I addressed my curiosity so that it can help others.

During my time on the *mod edit* I did talk with many men but in particular made friends with three men that expressed their bi curiosity in comments in threads. Following up on those comments I connected with them with personal messages, eventually conversing in Skype. As our friendships evolved I came to understand that their erotic and intimate interests matched mine. The first guy I met when I was 54 years old and the other two were when I was 57 and 60. They were all in their late 30’s to their mid 40’s and were reasonably well built and were very nice guys. We became non sexual friends after our trysts. Two of our cocks were the same size and character the third was slightly smaller but exquisite none the less. The basis of our connection was innocent curiosity.

My connection to and meet up with the three of them was not simultaneous, our hookups were spread out over a 7 year period. Each time with each guy we agreed that when we did a hook up, it would be a onetime meet up to assuage our sexual curiosity and that would be the end of the sex. We have maintained non sexual friendships since the hookups. These guys are now friends that I can talk to about anything. All three were and still are married and like me had been totally monogamous.
In all three cases we talked for more than a year multiple times per week before we agreed to meet for sex in person. In those yearlong interactions we got to know each other better and we shared common sexual interests and questions. The common desire we initially shared was that we were all attracted to erect – ejaculating cocks, finding them to be the central interest that we had in m-m sex and making us question whether we were bi sexual.

In all three introductions to each other the thing that opened the dialogue was wondering whether we would be aroused by undressing and being naked with another man. As to the common questions were talked about, we all wondered what it would be like to fondle and massage another man’s cock to ejaculation, be naked with and sleep with another man, what would be the most erotic experience and psychologically would being intimate with each other be the same as being intimate with a woman.

Once we grew to be more comfortable with each other we talked about various sex acts, which ones we were interested in and wanted to do and which we didn’t. By the time we agreed to meet the script for the hookup was written; there was no awkward question as to what we do next. Sex acts flowed seamlessly together with no need for awkward negotiation. When we finally did meet we felt like old friends who had been having sex with each other for years.

I wound up being the dominant one with two of the guys while with the third he became dominant. He was really interested in serving and pleasuring me; he was infatuated with my cock. I became somewhat passively feminine with him making the experience somewhat different; all three met me in hotels while I traveled for work. All three stayed with me all night to maximize opportunities for intimacy. We agreed ahead of time there was to be no anal sex although I did do ass jobs with two of them.

If there was any doubt about whether we would be aroused it was erased in seconds when we started undressing each other. All three of us were erect and hard as iron by the time we removed all of each others clothes. We left kissing as an open option. We did not commit to kissing unless we both felt moved to do it spontaneously. The biggest surprise was that as soon as we were standing facing each other naked and our hands were fondling each others erections, we were moved to kiss passionately. The kisses made my heart race; I hadn’t had that impact from a kiss in years.
I discovered that my early fascination with erections in porno was nothing compared to the experience of pleasuring another man’s cock. I discovered I love the sensation of an erect penis in my mouth, sucking it off and having him ejaculate in my mouth. I love semen. Doing anal massages on all of them as I sucked them made their pre cum flow like water from a spigot.

Fortunately for all 3 guys they all had very short refractory periods and they were absurdly virile. They all admitted that I was able to get them hard and make them ejaculate more times over the course of our time together than they were able to with a woman.

With one of the guys, the third one, he really really wanted to frot, I was certainly interested so I let him take the lead. *mod edit* I was amazed how turned on I got. Our precum flowed so copiously that we didn’t need lube to rub and ejaculate. *mod edit* I wound up really having strong positive emotional feelings about mingled ejaculate.
Over the course of the evening and bed times we did prostate massages on each other, erotic massages, intimate cuddling, and simultaneous mutual masturbation. *mod edit*

The third guy was my dominant experience. My nipples are hyper responsive, I can have multiple orgasms without ejaculating from being nursed. *mod edit* My nipples were red and sore at the end of the night but the chains of orgasms that I had were earth moving.

*mod edit*

The biggest surprise was that when we spoke to each other days afterwards and we had time to ruminate on the experience we all agreed that the most erotic thing was the intense intimacy of sleeping with a man nude was mind blowing. Next to that we agreed that slow gentle fondling each other and kissing was surreally erotic. We all experienced the sweet elation of getting erections from undressing each other and fondling each other dispelling any question of whether we would be aroused.. We all discovered that intimacy between men was a natural thing and that we really loved each others cocks and balls. It was difficult to keep our hands off each others equipment in bed when it was time to sleep. There was very little sleep anyway.

There was something very psychologically different about being sexual with man. We all agreed that it was seamless. A man knows what to do to please another man like no woman can. At the same time the forbidden act of being intimate and sexual with a man made the experience surreally erotic and very exciting.

*mod edit*

We all discovered that a “normal” heterosexual man could indeed be intimate with another heterosexual man and be aroused by the experience if he knew the male partner well and was open minded. We all agreed that although it was very nice to me intimate with other men that we were committed heterosexuals who were attracted to women more than men by far. We all concluded that men have the ability to be sexual, intimate and be aroused by other men without being “gay”; they w.ere only being openly sexual to their full ability.

My last physical bi sexual sex act was 13 years ago. I am still extremely sexually active with my wife and feel no compulsion to relive my bisexual experiment. As I said I am still friends with my 3 friends from those trysts; we occasionally sext and revel in discussing sex and our sexuality.

Hello and welcome!

Quite the read! Being that I've pretty much always been bisexual, myself, this was a very interesting read and only confirms many of my own feelings. Especially:

gnawdol wrote:There was something very psychologically different about being sexual with man. We all agreed that it was seamless. A man knows what to do to please another man like no woman can. At the same time the forbidden act of being intimate and sexual with a man made the experience surreally erotic and very exciting.

I believe it might have been the ancient Greeks or Romans, or perhaps it was one of their philosophers, that noted only a man can truly know exactly how to please another man. For that matter, I believe that probably runs the same with women, as well. Like calls to like, and like understands like.

I hadn't heard of the Hendrick and Eros tests before- I must be slipping. If there was a sex/gender test out there, I generally knew of it and had taken it. In my case, an online variant of the Eros places me definitely up in the Bisexual quadrant; to be specific, 92.9% homosexuality mixed with 62.9% heterosexuality. That's a bit more on the homosexual side than I'm used to seeing from test results, usually on something based on the more one-dimensional Kinsey I'll come out something like 50/50 to 60/40 (gay/straight).

Having had same-sex desires since adolescence, I find it interesting, especially in this thread, to hear from men later in life discovering these desires. When a once-popular bixexual men's forum I used to belong to was a thing, a fair percentage of the members- perhaps even half?- were men who had either come to discover such inclinations, or had rediscovered them after many years of not thinking about them at all, when adolescent experimentation had ended- not my mental experience at all.

Also interesting that you both haven't engaged in any more of the activity, and that your relationship with the three others has turned into a more conventional friendship (though not completely pedestrian). I have read that heterosexual men who engage in male-male sexual activity in places where there are no females present (prison, possibly some militaries, schools, etc) revert back to heterosexual behaviour once removed from the all-male environment. In this case, it does read as if you managed to scratch the itch and satisfy your desire/curiosity and then set further acts aside. I really like the way you were able to be that free and easy with yourself and not let fear of being primarily homosexual get in the way- not sure just anyone could manage that. Now, while I live by choice a heterosexual lifestyle, I have to say that if I'd lived your story, I'd find it very hard, I think, to put that genie back into the bottle- but then again I do think I was born with the the proclivity to be the way I am sexually.

Wow, gnawdol's post is quite a lot to take in.
(My apologies to gnawdol. I'm not sure whether to use the 1st person or 3rd person when discussing his post. I'll stick with the 3rd person since Snaga has responded directly to him before me.)

This thread is the first thing I responded to on PsychForums. It's been enlightening and helpful to me to figure out my own bi-curiosity. However, I find gnawdol's post to throw me back into a swirl of mixed thoughts and emotions. I've decided that having sex with a man is something I will forego and leave it as an unfulfilled desire (for reasons I've discussed previously.) I still feel that way but he he certainly makes a compelling case for exploring ones desires.

I suspect that gnawdol is a rather unique person with a unique perspective on things and that most people's exploratory adventures don't turn out the way his did. His experience sounds almost too good to be true; every bi-curious married man's dream!

gnawdol wrote: I am a highly sexually active 73 year old male.

I'm a wannabe highly sexually active 76 year old male but, a) my wife is no longer interested in being intimate and, b) I have erectile dysfunction (chicken or the egg?)

I'm curious about his wife. Has he had the same one over all these years? Does she know about his sexuality? Is she "highly sexually active" as well?

I find gnawdol's post intriguing. If he wrote a book I would be anxious to read it (secretly). It could be as popular as 50 Shades of Grey. Movie to follow!

Suffice it to say I found gnawdol's post stimulating, to say the least but I'm still going to continue resisting my urges. If I met gnawdol in a bar and we got to talking, though, I'm not sure I'd be able to say the same thing!

Oh, it's a very stimulating post, to be sure.

I can see how for you, 21, it'd be a compelling story and reignite curiosity. I found it very stimulating, but for me it doesn't change anything, since I've been very Bi since adolescence, even when I wouldn't admit it to myself- 'curiosity' isn't part of the equation for me, I'm not 'curious' about any of it. I know darn well what I want...

I do agree that gnawdol's very unique! I doubt most fellows who haven't consciously had strong same-sex desires since becoming sexually aware would ever have the gumption to do what he has done. I have, and even I hadn't ever gone that route. Not to mention the planning involved. If you're gonna do it, though, I can't think of a more logical way to go about it.

Guys, thanks for the responses! I apologize that I didn't respond earlier. I have been involved in a lot of other things. I won't go one long here but will answer a couple of the questions now and may return to some of the others later. As to the idea that the "itch" has dissipated, it hasn't. I have been tempted several times by guys I have communicated with on that forum (I apologize for mentioning the name in the post ... sorry). I still am a member of it. I have sexted with these guys over the years, they love my erotic narrative chat.

Sexting I can get guys very aroused with my words, which is a huge turn on for me. I custom write erotic narratives involving us. It is custom written erotica. It is a way to still feed my homoerotic leanings. I think of myself as a verbal exhibitionist. I have infrequently done skype sessions masturbating together with my 3 guys, although very infrequently as I said, like once every 2 or 3 years).

I also have directed my homoerotic desires into my erotic fiction writing, I really enjoy it as a hobby. My erotic writing is so arousing for me that when I write, I wear a condom to catch my copious precum. Typically an evening of writing will be followed that night by an intense lengthy MMO session (prostate orgasms with no ejaculation).

The reason I have resisted a repeat meet up is that I promised my wife that I would only do these meet ups as one time "one and done experiments" and that there would be no anal sex. I held true to that promise. Interestingly enough, following these three encounters my sex life with my wife was energized. She was intrigued by homo eroticism and actually said that she wished she could have watched. More on this later.

I have wanted to self publish my erotic writing I have been told by men and women I have shared it with that it is very arousing and enlightening. Again my wife has asked me to refrain to retain our privacy. She is outwardly a very repressed - conservative woman but she has a strong libido behind closed doors. Again more on that later.

I am sorry that I didn't check back here sooner. I will do better now; I will look forward to being active here.

gnawdol wrote: Interestingly enough, following these three encounters my sex life with my wife was energized. She was intrigued by homo eroticism and actually said that she wished she could have watched.

I have known only a couple women who professed to be turned on by male-male sexual activity. And those were online! no woman I know in person professes the least bit of interest in it. Not that the subject has come up much. What gentle probing I have done was in the form of observing how most Straight fellows are all up for lesbian porn don't y'all get intrigued by two dudes, hmm?

'NO'

Your wife is in my experience, fairly uncommon. Also that she knew about your encounters is incredible. She's a keeper.

I can relate to so much of what you're sharing, gwandol, except I haven't taken my innermost temptations as far as you have!

My wife and I had previously discovered during intimate conversations that we had both had some same sex experiences in our formative preteen years. Mine were more long term with my middle school best friend so I had more "experiences" to share. She seemed open to hearing about it and so I was able to open up to her about the residual desires that I carried with me into adulthood. I discovered that she got aroused by the subject.

I used to travel a lot for work and when I returned home we would get frisky. I would tell her about encounters I had with guys I met on my trip and the things we would wind up doing. It was all made up but I didn't tell her that and I got the strong impression that she believed I was telling the truth. As I revealed more and more details she would get more aroused until; well, you know.... (I did eventually tell her years later that it was all made up. She said she wasn't really sure but she wasn't going to ask!)

I also, have spent (too much) time in chat rooms exploring fantasies and role playing where I would make up homoerotic (often MMF) scenarios that would get me and my anonymous chat partner highly aroused. I had to give it up, though, do to sleep deprivation among other things.

My frustration, now that I'm older, is that my wife's libido has run out of steam and I now have ED (which is really messing with my mental health).

Also, it's hard to address without sounding judgemental, but, despite how erotic I still find all of this I've come to feel that a lot of this is the Para in parafilia and I'm actually making an effort to embrace the Norm in normafilia. (I've been reading up on what parafilia is and just I had to use it in a sentence!)

When I was kid I thought knowing right from wrong would always be pretty straightforward. Now that I'm 76 and all grown up I find it's anything but!

I've found it enlightening coming here and exploring not just my own sexuality but that of others as well. It's been liberating to be able to share and benefit by hearing what others have to share as well.

One of the things that happened me as a result of Prostate Orgasm / MMO is that I have been what is called in MMO world "rewired". Rewiring effectively created new neural, physical and psychological pathways for orgasmic pleasure in my body. It has enervated different parts of my body to experience sexual stimulation and experience non ejaculatory and ejaculatory orgasm. I can have an MMO orgasm from external anal massage, from nipple massage. Recently we have started having her gently squeeze my cock head between her thumb and forefinger as she talks to me seductively, admiring my cock and telling me what she thinks of it. She will try different very small finger motions on my sulcus as she tells me about my precum and asks me to tell her what is happening inside my body.

The process of receiving a prostate massager internally to trigger a prostate non ejaculatory orgasm which is referred to as a "Super O" requires that I eschew my "normal" male physical pursuit of ejaculation. Instead of physically thrusting and focusing of the sensation on my cock head to cum, instead I have adopted a more female - passive approach to orgasmic pleasure. It requires connecting my sexual body to my mind to achieve orgasmic nirvana using a more mental approach and ignore my penis in the process.

To the point of having a penis, is that it is irrelevant in MMO. One of the interesting things that happens to me in the start of a MMO" session" is that I will start out with a normal male erection, usually fully hard. I would mention here that I am a proportionately tall slim guy (6'6" 210 lbs) with large feet (size 17) and large hands and a large penis (9" erect"). My penis is really important to me defining my sexuality, sense of self and having an ejaculation. However as a rewired man practicing MMO having a penis is superfluous.

When I start out I will be fully erect but as the "wave" of ecstasy builds in my anal canal, prostate, anus, perineum, and penile bulb my erection will soften and my penis will shrink to its flaccid state of 3 inches (I am a grower). As the session deepens and the pleasure intensifies my penis will almost disappear into my abdomen. My typical orgasmic session will be anywhere from 1 - 2 hours during which I don't even know I have a penis. This makes ED irrelevant for me to experience sexual pleasure as a penis plays no role in the orgasm. However I have after 20 years of doing this learned to connect the two but that is a topic for a later more advanced discussion.

I could go on and on about my physical experience of MMO but I will save that for a future post. The important non physical thing here is that rewiring allowed me to widen my physical and mental perspectives and become a sensual and sexual man. In this context I was able to throw aside "normal" societal parameters and see the sexual elegance of a penis as Mother Nature's penultimate sculptural erotic work of art and be aroused by pleasuring another mans and reaping his ejaculatory reward.

When I met my wife 54 years ago in the free sex era of the 70's we took a very odd direction in our relationship. I preface this with the comment that we knew that we were meant to be together in the first weeks of dating. When we made the decision to be sexual, we agreed that penis in vagina sex (######6) was off limits for the first year of our relationship. Our rationale was that the mindless lust of adolescent ######6 was shallow. What we did instead is pursue a path of Tantra (we didn't know that was what it was at the time).

I had a single bedroom in an apartment so she would come over and stay overnight. Every weekend we closed my door at 7 PM and enjoyed each others body's and minds until 1 -2 AM. In candle light we did mutual open eyed erotic massages, nipple stimulation, analingus, oral sex, mutual masturbation and 69. My wife was a virgin and had never seen a penis before mine. She became transfixed by its magical transformation and the physical appearance of my penis. What sent her into the erotic stratosphere was masturbating me and watching me ejaculate. She did and still does get totally turned on watching me or a man in a erotic video ejaculating. After 4 or more hours of foreplay the finale she adored was masturbating me and sucking me to ejaculation. I make a lot of sex fluid (precum and semen) so when I ejaculated after a nights mental and physical stimulation I literally piss a rope of semen. She was gob smacked when she saw it happen the first time. Back then when we were 20 and 19 she would beg me to let her masturbate me and let her watch me cum. On my part my favorite sex act with her is cunnilingus. I adore pleasuring her orally and I love the taste as well as the feel of her vagina on my tongue.

So here we are 54 years later and her infatuation with my male organ has only grown. Now however she has also discovered other parts of me that are sexually exciting. She has also learned to do prostate massager insertions and participate in my prostate orgasmic sessions. This has benefited us immensely as a post menopausal 73 year old woman penetrative sex ain't always easy or fun for her. However my tongue supplies plenty of wetness to her clitoris as I massage her anus and guide her through chains of intense orgasms. Clearly I love sex with a woman.

Ok so the summarization of this reply is that I believe that I am a sexual man who sees the sexual and erotic elegance of both men and women. However I realize now in my maturity what I was told years ago: that the biggest sex organ on my body isn't my erect penis, it's my brain.

21cDiogenes wrote:I can relate to so much of what you're sharing, gwandol, except I haven't taken my innermost temptations as far as you have!

My apologies for the misspelling of your name, gnawdol. I guess I had my mind on other things and spell check is no help with peoples pseudonyms on here!