Over 50 and Bi-Curious

Its been a while since I posted here. I have yet to make that leap, yet feel I am closer than ever. I now live *mod edit* near a *mod edit* cruising spot (*mod edit*). I have done some reconnaissance. This public park is huge and one or two can easily find a secluded spot to have fun. It is winter now, but once spring hits I'm out there. I hope to see some nice hard cocks out there too.

I fall into the same category as Buddah013. I started getting feelings or should I say fantasies of giving head in my late 40’s. It seemed out of the blue as I never had these thoughts before and am very attracted to women to this day. I suspect it may have something to do with the lowering of testosterone as we age. Anyway, I’m always happy, content and satisfied making love to my wife. I fantasize about other women and check out sexy women as they walk by, never men. Although I fantasize about sucking a cock, it seems to be limited to just that, and maybe lately being a bottom. That’s where it ends though, kissing hugging, affection with a man are a turn off and I want nothing to do with it. It’s strictly localized to the cock and using it. For that reason I think glory holes turn me on, or under stall public bathroom encounters turn me on. I don’t want a relationship just sex in those way, maybe mutual hand jobs or masturbation. I haven’t been able to act on it though, but have had opportunities, fear of STD’s is the number one reason. I am now 59 and have been fantasizing for 10 years. I wonder if I ever will act but as of now, just don’t know how I’ll step over the line. If I could somehow get my wife involved maybe but not sure she’s up to it only because I’m not sure it would turn her on.

I find it interesting that men seem to get interested in certain acts, in their older years- I'm just a few years behind you, laserman- but in my case I had strong same-sex attractions (I consider myself bisexual) from adolescence. So a limited interest 'growing' on men about our age is... mildly interesting? Simply because I don't understand it- I assume it's just that as males (I consider myself gender-different but I do have a Y chromosome, so...) we are so centered around our naughty bits. I really can't think of any other reason- I mean you said yourself anything other than that is off-limits- whereas for me it by nature goes beyond the penis. Being simultaneously the gayest straight guy I know and the straightest gay guy I know, that's all I can come up with. That there's got to be some... curiosity or just phallic-centered thinking going on in the minds of men who have been straight their entire lives then find themselves thinking about cock. Also, in my twisted mind, same-sex acts feel more... 'pure'. From a purely carnal sense, of course. I tend to prefer male on male, or authentic (not obviously directed by a man behind the camera) female on female porn (with a few exceptions). Because it seems more... base? More carnally 'pure'- who knows better how to please another, except for those with the same bits? Is my general theory behind why I seem to feel that way.

Maybe also a little of the draw of the taboo?

laserman1261 wrote:For that reason I think glory holes turn me on, or under stall public bathroom encounters turn me on. I don’t want a relationship just sex in those way, maybe mutual hand jobs or masturbation. I haven’t been able to act on it though, but have had opportunities, fear of STD’s is the number one reason.

Whew. For us, we hit adulthood right around that mysterious 'gay' disease, didn't we? HIV derailed any thoughts I had of acting out, that's for sure! As I said, I'm Bi- I had urges but far too afraid to act on them. Ah well. At least I had the option of choosing a team to be on

I get what you’re saying and appreciate the similarities and differences between our views. You are ok with developing feelings for a man along with having sex with them. I respect that and for many men that’s great. However, It’s exactly the opposite for me. I view men, in general, being purely masculine, they don’t express a physical affection for each other besides a man hug or hand shake. I think they look good that way, it’s what makes them different than women and it’s a great quality. Strong, hard, in control of their feelings, no intimate affection between them, ready for battle. When I see men being feminine or affectionate with each other it looks odd, “to me”. It doesn’t look or feel right to me. I’m not saying it’s wrong for them to be that way, but for me it just doesn’t feel right. Having said that, and because of that if I see for example, a transexual that actually looks like a female, has breasts and a cock and a feminine face and body that you can’t tell she’s a man, it’s a turn on, but I’m not turned on at all by a man dressed up as a female and it’s obvious she’s a man. Again, if any man feels feminine or are affectionate with each other, likes to dress in women’s clothes, whatever, perfectly fine, live and let live, it’s their business. But for me I guess that makes me only comfortable with doing something with the male appendage for sex and nothing more. I’m really only turned on by women and everything about them but I’d love to incorporate something with a (living) male appendage, we both use (not just mine) in my sex life with my wife. I guess I’m talking about adding a transsexual into my sex life. Wonder we’re that puts me on the spectrum? Not sexually attracted to a mans persona but only by their appendage. Surprisingly, I actually think there are many men my age 50+ who feel the same.

laserman1261 wrote:Surprisingly, I actually think there are many men my age 50+ who feel the same.

I think so as well- I'm not sure where that comes from, or what it makes a person- to me, it makes them a flavor of bisexual- which is a huge umbrella- I'm more physically attracted to males than I am in any kind of romantic sense- not that I don't think I'm capable of 'having feelings', just that it's something that would require cultivation- cultivation that's not needed when it comes to girls. For me the definition of 'Bi' is simply that you have a desire- romantic or otherwise- for both bio sexes. And the desires don't have to be equal in all categories- far from it.

But yes from some of the forums I've perused for bi men, that seems to be very the case, that a lot of older guys get an itch- but coming from a lifetime of being pretty much straight, they seem to want only play with the bits, just keep it to the basics and nothing more- whereas I like eye candy and the male body for what it is, all of it, not just the naughty bits but then, I've been bi pretty much since I was really sexually aware.

laserman1261 wrote: I guess I’m talking about adding a transsexual into my sex life.

If someone is serious about transitioning and 'passing', in the ordinary real world, I'd think they'd likely be on hormone replacement- that might put the kibosh on your idea, unless you're fortunate to run into a Daisy Taylor or a Bailey Jay.

laserman1261 wrote:Wonder we’re that puts me on the spectrum? Not sexually attracted to a mans persona but only by their appendage.

I find it hard to wrap my brain around- but the porn 'shemale' fetish (we really aren't supposed to discuss fetish as the main subject of a topic in PF, but this is ancillary to the conversation and that is allowed to an extent) is, according to everything I've read, mostly the purview of ordinarily straight males. I... admit to finding eye candy in a couple of the popular trans porn actresses (I do believe I just named them off a moment ago), but it's not a genre I look at much at all. I don't find non-pornstar trans girls that present well as female attractive because of the appendage- I find them attractive because I just find them attractive and I don't care what bits they have, or if they even work (because of the aforementioned HRT). Any special attraction I'd have is more because I myself feel stuck in the middle, gender-wise, and well, I have a sympathy for 'different'.

But the best explanation I've seen about normally 'straight' men being attracted to shemale porn, is that it provides a 'safe' space to entertain the idea of playing with someone else's penis, yes. Without it being another 'guy'. So... I can kind of understand that, I suppose.

As far as simply introducing another man into your bedroom... for you both to play with... good luck on that. I know women (online) for whom that is hot in the way guys like seeing two women together, but I have the distinct impression that women like that are few and far between. Certainly no woman I know in the 3D- hell to the no.

I'm glad to see there are others exactly like me. I too am only interested in casual sex with men. Mainly me servicing them or letting them fondle and grope me. I'm close.

It is comforting to know that there are others out there like me, and that they are willing to discuss it. I have had feeling like this for a long time. I have acted on them before, but with limited success.

I am one who is not really attracted to the "whole man." I am interested in the "bits" and in being dominated. I would love to perform oral sex on a man, but I could not watch a guy's face while performing it on me. French kissing a guy is not something I could do. I can't even watch other guys do that. (BTW- I feel bad about that, because I have gay friends that I truly love and I celebrate their relationships. They will never know that I feel that way.)

I don't think I will ever act on these feeling again, other that by myself and within my own fantasies. One reason is that every time I have shared these feelings with a girl that I am in a relationship with, things change. I am a very dominant lover with girls. I treat them the way I would want to be treated if I were a girl. They seem to enjoy that a lot. I enjoy that very much. However once my secret is out, it is always in the back of their minds. Two of them have told me that. So, I lose a little bit of that control I had, that used to turn them on. My current relationship does not know the secret and I hope she never will.

The other reason is more practical. In my experience there are mostly bi-curious guys like me, and we are not compatible with each other. There are not a lot of "straight" guys who want to watch another guy perform oral sex on them. (The streets are littered with guys who want to perform oral sex on other guys.) Guys who are attracted to the whole man, and enjoy being the top, they are there for the whole experience. They want the kissing and other forms of affection, which I just cannot give them.

So for me, it will probably stay a fantasy. I do notice the feelings becoming stronger now in my 50's. It very well could be related to testosterone levels.

Greetings,

As a new member and a neophyte to forums in general, please forgive me if I err.

I'm a 67 year old man and consider myself bisexual. That is, I achieve sexual satisfaction with both men and women. I didn't start actually having sex with men until around 62 but had considered it since my early 50's. However, coming from a very intolerant and conservative area of the country, I tried to repress these thoughts until I moved to a new location, not so much due to higher tolerance as just a new beginning for me.

While I haven't read but a few posts on this forum so far, I'm pleased to see an intelligent discussion on the topic and wanted to get in on it.

Finding sexual satisfaction with men has been one of the more thrilling aspects of my life, precisely at a time of life when thrills are rare. Yet I also continue to maintain a highly sexual relationship with a woman that is extremely satisfying both emotionally and sexually.

My issues are guilt and finding a balance in my mind of how to maintain both relationships and at what level. The guilt was stronger but slowly wanes. The tougher aspect is how to fit both into my life concurrently. I'd tried to maintain my relationship with my girlfriend in a romantic, emotional and sexual nature while keeping my male sex partner as only sexual in nature. The struggle is that I'm finding that with time, my affection with him is increasing - not something I'd planned or desired, it is just happening. Now I find I'm struggling to justify my relationships as I'm increasingly incapable of having the "real" relationship with her while having an only sexual relationship with him. Does anyone else struggle with a similar issue? If so, how do you deal with it?

Thanks,
Gnu

Welcome to the forums, Gnu!

I can't offer I think real advice for you, as I'm not in a relationship with a man. I've been bisexual since adolescence (if not earlier). I empathise with your evolving situation, however. For me, the desire for men used to be purely sexual- or so I thought. As I get older (I'm approaching the sixth decade) I find myself thinking more and more in a more balanced attitude towards the right guy. While I am not physical with another man atm I do find myself mighty fond of one or two. Much more than for the sexual potential.

I think it's hard to keep sex and affection separate. Not impossible; but with the right person, hard. And it seems to me if you're in an exclusive sexual relationship with another man (meaning he's the only man you play with) then it seems rather likely that feelings will develop.

I've never quite understood the journey of men who discover this late in age- but I know there's lots of them- did you ever peruse shybiguys? A dead forum (thus I can mention it by name, something we normally discourage) that had plenty of representation of men who'd discovered (or rediscovered) the thrill of same-sex sexual activity in their later years from the 30s to the 50s. For many, it was about the penis and just that. Which I've never quite understood- I've always been more than that but not to the point of romantic notions except as I grew older. Or at least, not overtly so, since I'm much stronger disposed towards feeling romantic notions towards the fairer sex.

gnu wrote:My issues are guilt and finding a balance in my mind of how to maintain both relationships and at what level. The guilt was stronger but slowly wanes. The tougher aspect is how to fit both into my life concurrently. I'd tried to maintain my relationship with my girlfriend in a romantic, emotional and sexual nature while keeping my male sex partner as only sexual in nature. The struggle is that I'm finding that with time, my affection with him is increasing - not something I'd planned or desired, it is just happening. Now I find I'm struggling to justify my relationships as I'm increasingly incapable of having the "real" relationship with her while having an only sexual relationship with him. Does anyone else struggle with a similar issue? If so, how do you deal with it?

So many men at that aforementioned forum compartmentalised. Are both your partners aware of each other? If so, lucky you. My way of dealing with it is simply not to have homosexual relations- I chose a heterosexual relationship and like it or not (at times), I payed my money and took my choice. Unless someone's in an openly open relationship, I'm not sure what else there is to do except 'pick a team'.

What relationship is 'real' and which one isn't? As a teenager I admit I often dreamed of being in your position- having a 'normal' heterosexual relationship to the point of the white picket fence and 2.5 kids, but then having my boyfriend 'on the side'. Hmm, sounds like a movie script... but I can't compartmentalise enough to do that. As I got older, I decided the ideal situation would be an open relationship with a bisexual woman who understood we both have our 'side' relationship. Which seems rather akin to walking out my back door to find a unicorn standing there. Short of that, I'm not sure there's a good resolution to trying to juggle two different types of relationships. For me, it's just been plain abstinence from one team in favor of the other, and I've managed to beat the odds: mixed orientation relationships statistically have a very poor outcome- the last I read up on the subject, the person who has the variant orientation usually gets quite literally the seven-year itch and by 5-7 years into it the thing usually blows up in everyone's face. I know I was about that far into my current relationship when that hit me and internally I struggled mightily for a long time before it settled down into a manageable simmer. For a while I was utterly miserable.

I'm not sure what to tell you. It sounds as if you're trending more and more towards your... boyfriend. As he seems to be less and less 'male sex partner' to you.

I'm 51, had zero encounters with males. Am married with two kids and a
Have a active sex life with my wife.
But I fantasise constantly about sucking cock and being ###$ by a man older then me.
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