Over 50 and Bi-Curious

I am a man in his 50's who has occasionally thought about a same sex experience for a little over 10-12 years.I first thought about it after my ex-wife brought up her curiosity. I found her thought process interesting as she was curious as to the psychological aspects of being hetero and wondering if being such would allow her to enjoy giving and receiving sexual pleasure to another woman. She asked me if I had ever thought about it and at the time I never had. She asked me to give it some thought and I did but I really couldn't determine whether it wold be a positive experience or not. I've always believed in the phrase, "Our biggest sex organ is our brain." and I've always been intrigued by the psychological aspects of human sexuality. However, when we did discuss the topic, I found it to be somewhat arousing as well as she did and sometimes used it in 'sex talk'.

After our divorce 7-8 years ago, I rarely thought about it being busy with life and dating etc. After my last relationship I decided to just take a break and be free for awhile. Then the thoughts came back and I decided I wanted to get a better understanding of why I had these thoughts and decided to do some research. Unfortunately there isn't a lot out there, at least in an intelligent manner. I've been to some forums relating to sex trying to get a mature, meaningul discussion with someone, but end up getting bombarded with offers of cyber sex, web cam-ing etc. of which I'm not interested in.

My curiosity is mufti-faceted and complex and sometimes I feel embarrassed and confused sometimes but know I need to get a better understanding of this aspect of my sexuality.

I'm not looking for advice or answers, more just someone to bounce thoughts and feelings off of without being judged or hit on.

Thanks,
Kevin

Hi Kevin, I am in my 50's and have for a while now had an interest in giving a guy a blow job and just getting naked with a guy and having soft fun. I am not interesestd in anal in any way, just cock play really gets my interest, I mean does this make me gay? I dont think so as I have no desire to ###$ a man. Its odd but not sure if I would have the nerve to carry it though.

R.

I am in my fifties and only recently started receiving anal from men at gay bathhouses. It really turns me on but I don't think I am gay. I am only attracted to women, and the thought of kissing a man or having him get me off is repugnant. I simply love the feeling of being entered and controlled and dominated by random men. I don't think this makes me gay.

hi! i am in my 50's and a woman, but the last years i realize that i have been in love with a couple of women in my life...i can not visualize some aspects of intimacy, i reject it, but others seems very attractive.\

i am just sharing my life experience...because we are not a definition of something, we walk, we search...sometimes we find and sometimes we keep on looking...
i dated, not much and eventually felt in love, with a gay friend, we decided to marry, i met his last partner...almost 25 years living as gay couple openly,.. my husband saw it as a friendship...his partners as a wedding. i was young and in love...so we married and had three children...i loved him although the sex was not ideal...a bit unsensitive...he was not used to a woman...
eventually we realized our differences and divorce...now in my 50's i wonder, is it possible that i am lesbian and that is why i did not mind his gayness? at the end of the road, i think that love know no gender...it just happens, and the physical exchange is as a gift one way or the other.

i have a crush with a heterosexual woman friend, whom i and many others thought was an transgender, she looks like a man, etc....victim of a war and hormones much in her physical appearance is changed. At feel at home with her....but i do not want to scare her apart from the fact that i do not know if this is just a fantasy or if i could really carry out a sexual act with a woman.
are we gay or not> are we lesbian or not> who cares!!!
my exman has been dating only women since we left each other so the second part of his life his has chosen to be heterosexual...that is fine with me....life is a search, and sometimes the answers do not tottally arrive....but it is amazing how much we suffer and sttruggle with the titles...i want a woman but i do not want to be lesbian...............good luck!

I'm not a fan of the various orientation terms like hetero, bi, homo, and instead prefer simply, "sexual." Not until relatively recently did the terms even exist, and prior to their coinage people simple had sex with anyone, everyone, and anything. The terms and supposed importance of them simply didn't exist or matter. But we do seem to love categorizing things including people. So my opinion would be you're simply a sexual animal who enjoys sex. After a lifetime of sex being with only half of humanity you're naturally coming to grips with a man can have sex with another man doing 2 out of 3 of your favorite thigs.

This is something I always wanted to let out so this seems like a safe place to do so, here goes:
I'm also a male in my 50's and wanted to share my experiences as well.
I have always been attracted to women and have had numerous girlfriends and random sexual encounters with women over the years. So when I was in my early 40's I fell in love with a lady, 2 years later I found out she had been cheating on me the whole time. I was devastated and completely distraught to the point that I was actually thinking about giving up, suicide! I had suffered from depression since I was a child and had major trust issues already.
So the back story is that I had always had had these fantasies of giving oral to a man but felt so guilty for having the thoughts, I thoulght there was something wrong with me, maybe I WAS gay.?? I just remember getting oral from girls and they seemed to enjoy it so much, especially when I came. I would watch oral porn to see how they were doing it so that when the time came, I would do it correctly. Well, I guess I used that broken heart as an excuse to go look for it, I said F-it! I have nothing else to lose so I'm going to try it! So, I did and I liked it very much and found it very enjoyable until afterwards. I felt really bad but it kept happenning over a 10 year period, even while I was in other hetero relationships.
Then my sister died in 2009 as I held her hand and watched her die right in front of me. I was so close to her and was devastated and felt completely lost, not knowing what to do with my anger and extreme sadness, I sought out more encounters. I found these video arcades in the porn store with video viewing booths with basically a glory hole connecting the two booths. I won't go into detail but you can figure it out. It was a very new and erotic experience. It became a strange obsession for me but It did distract me and I did feel better for short periods of time but that would quickly fade away. I dont drink or do drugs but I was willing to do almost anything to numb the pain I was going through. Today I really have no desire to get into this again so I dont think I am gay, I think I was just acting out as I have always done when I get frustrated and my needs are no longer being met.
Has anyone else had any similar experience?

As a bisexual myself I maintain everyone's inherently bi, and it's just that since reproduction requires heterosexual behaviours, most gravitate to it believing since Nature set it up that way, it must be "normal." But anything other animals do is also "normal" and since some 1500 species exhibit homosexuality or simply homosexual behaviours, homosexuality, or more likely bisexuality is as normal as heterosexuality. Choice of who to pursue for sex is just that, a choice. How the choice is set up is a more involved discussion, but we're not automotons, and wont drop dead if we never have sex. So deciding to have sex at all involves choice.

I think the problem with the whole gay or straight or something else discussion lies in how we believe some term used to describe orientation must be used, yet until their actual invention people were simply men, women, or some interesting combination and had sex. A man was still a man regardless of who or what he had sex with, and many men were defacto bisexual, especially in certain cultures like Greece and Rome. The thought of describing these men or women as straight, gay, or bi simply never occured.

So when people now wrestle with bi/gay fantasies and thoughts I think they're really only wrestling with deciding what label they should have. Abandon the labels altogether and just decide who ya wanna schtoop

april3ram2013 wrote:This is something I always wanted to let out so this seems like a safe place to do so, here goes:
I'm also a male in my 50's and wanted to share my experiences as well.
I have always been attracted to women and have had numerous girlfriends and random sexual encounters with women over the years. So when I was in my early 40's I fell in love with a lady, 2 years later I found out she had been cheating on me the whole time. I was devastated and completely distraught to the point that I was actually thinking about giving up, suicide! I had suffered from depression since I was a child and had major trust issues already.
So the back story is that I had always had had these fantasies........It became a strange obsession for me but It did distract me and I did feel better for short periods of time but that would quickly fade away. I dont drink or do drugs but I was willing to do almost anything to numb the pain I was going through. Today I really have no desire to get into ths again so I dont think I am gay, I think I was just acting out as I have always done when I get frustrated and my needs are no longer being met.
Has anyone else had any similar experience?

hi! what i find so interesting in your story, not the fantasy, because these can go in any direction at any time, but the fact that you associate sex and fantasy with the need to numb the pain....
it is to me like a breakthrough to read this, because even though i defend the need to be and to express whatever we feel or think, you can imagine i had a very strict almost fanatic upbringing. the concept of sin was so engrained in me already at the age of six years old and stayed so until 17 or 18, when i started having intimacy with my boyfriend, i would look into a mirror and say...you are a sinner....(oh just the thought of that makes me so angry!!! i have made sure that my children did not know what the word " sin" meant must of their childhood)
but like you my first boyfriend hurt me and left me for my sister...the pain was unbearable...and masturbation started...then the crying... i realize that i have used it to numb the pain...and that means that i have fed a negative association to pleasure most of my life...no good...

but acting out, yes, sporadically...you do not need it anymore...i am still struggling with who i am, not because of the hetero or bisexual, but just what kind of life do i want to have,
intimacy is a big issue for me....the last ten years three time sex with a friend who has 25 years a friend...not healthy...i do not make healthy choices...but i feel safe, when they have somebody else,
maybe their expectations of me, us, are nule or almost nule, and that gives me a sense of freedom....how distorted is that?

I'm a mid 50s male and have very strong urges for sex with another man. I've had them more mildly for years but it really came on strong in my 50s. In my fantasies, I'm always on the bottom, taking hard anal from a strong (younger!!) guy. I fantasize about being dominated and even mild humiliation. I fantasize about giving oral sex to a man. But oddly, never him sucking me and never me 'topping' him anally.

My wife knows all about it and I've urged her to 'role play' for me but no luck yet..I'm patient! You have to be patient when you're asking someone to step out of their gender, lol.

I don't know or really care what it means to be 'gay'. I'm old enough now where it's all just sexuality and you are who you are, moment by moment. Nothing to get hung up about, either way.

I agree with the original poster — it's pointless to categorize people sexually, except, perhaps, in very broad strokes.

I seem to be heterosexual. My wife has no trouble arousing me, and I become very aroused looking at pornorgraphic images of women, even soft porn, especially if the subjects of the porn are engaging in "my" particular fetishes/paraphilias and meet my "ideals" of sexuality. Porn picturing couples or just men can mildly stimulate me, but more because I imagine myself in their shoes, so to speak, or better, in their panties!

As I have become older (I'm closing in on 71), I have begun to fantasize about homosexual relationships, especially anal sex as a top and bottom, but I have never met a man that I would want to have sex with. I'm not even sure what such a man would be. Maybe if he had breasts and vulva and more feminine than masculine traits, but then he'd be a woman, wouldn't he! ("Shemales," incidentally, turn me right off!)

My wife told me early in our long marriage that one thing she liked and still likes about me is that I have a largish dollop of femininity about me. Which is perhaps why I've avoided sports and bars and other "masculine" activities for my entire life. I hate men's locker rooms, I couldn't care less about cars and "boys' nights out" and other "typical" male pursuits. But I don't really join in female activities either.

At the end of the day, I guess I am just "sexual," and so what? If we can be content with our lives, what difference does it make to anyone if I'm sexual to the degree I wish, with the people I wish to be sexual with, or with myself?

Other

-- Thu Dec 04, 2014 6:39 pm --

I agree with the original poster — it's pointless to categorize people sexually, except, perhaps, in very broad strokes.

I seem to be heterosexual. My wife has no trouble arousing me, and I become very aroused looking at pornorgraphic images of women, even soft porn, especially if the subjects of the porn are engaging in "my" particular fetishes/paraphilias and meet my "ideals" of sexuality. Porn picturing couples or just men can mildly stimulate me, but more because I imagine myself in their shoes, so to speak, or better, in their panties!

As I have become older (I'm closing in on 71), I have begun to fantasize about homosexual relationships, especially anal sex as a top and bottom, but I have never met a man that I would want to have sex with. I'm not even sure what such a man would be. Maybe if he had breasts and vulva and more feminine than masculine traits, but then he'd be a woman, wouldn't he! ("Shemales," incidentally, turn me right off!)

My wife told me early in our long marriage that one thing she liked and still likes about me is that I have a largish dollop of femininity about me. Which is perhaps why I've avoided sports and bars and other "masculine" activities for my entire life. I hate men's locker rooms, I couldn't care less about cars and "boys' nights out" and other "typical" male pursuits. But I don't really join in female activities either.

At the end of the day, I guess I am just "sexual," and so what? If we can be content with our lives, what difference does it make to anyone if I'm sexual to the degree I wish, with the people I wish to be sexual with, or with myself?

Other