Over 50 and Bi-Curious

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply you actually blamed your wife. Just the lack of sex. For me, sex or no sex doesn't change my desires in the direction we've been discussing.

I sympathise with the anecdote about cross-dressing. It used to hold a fascination for me.

I didn't think you were implying I actually blamed my wife, Snaga, so no apology necessary. I was just kind of walking back my statement about blaming my wife.
My primary desire is to be intimate with my wife. When she doesn't share my desires for extended periods of time my mind tends to drift off into other highly erotic. albeit unattainable areas. It can be very frustrating,

I don't know. For me- being someone who isn't straight (I'm not gay, but I'm not straight, either) I've had to find ways to take the edge off things. You do what you have to do to take the edge off, without carrying things too far. I've had to do that all my life.

I'm curious {not just Bi-Curious }. I'm wondering what the scrolling text symbol at the front of a topic indicates. I'm guessing it means someone is viewing it but I don't actually know. Every time I visit this topic the text symbol seems to be scrolling and the view count has gone up but no one else has posted for weeks. If I'm correct then I would recommend the people that have been drawn to this topic go ahead and register and post. It's been helpful for me to be able to talk about my secret desires.

Anyway, I still have regular thoughts of playing with a guys genitals; fondling, kissing, sucking and more but have no plans to do anything about it (for numerous reasons that I hope to discuss in the future). When I think about it I get all gooshy in my nether regions. I continue to encourage my wife to *gimme some lovin'* and she will occasionally take pity on me (which she ultimately seems to really enjoy). This will keep my mind off of exploring naked men's bodies for at least a day or two!

More later...

The scrolling text merely indicates a hot topic.

member-corner/topic76426.html

Given that the many of the forums are a fairly quiet place, it doesn't take much to make a thread a hot topic, yeah?

As for the rest of it, people have been known to use things like virtual worlds to create themselves in the image they most want/fantasize to be, and live vicariously through them. I would imagine that comes with its own set of troubles. People find themselves very addicted to that kind of thing.

It's interesting. This seems to be a "hot topic" as indicated by the scrolling text symbol but no one has actually posted since January!

Just thought I'd drop back in and share more of my situation in case anyone's interested.

My wife has pretty much made it clear that she's not really interested in being intimate anymore and I'm now kind of giving up on trying to encourage her. For quite awhile when she has "humored me" she has acted like it was a chore and she really didn't want the orgasms I was giving her. It's discouraging and humiliating and now I'm not really sure I even want to be intimate with her. (That's probably another discussion in itself). I've struggled with erectile dysfunction and I think her "lack of enthusiasm" is a contributing factor. It doesn't help when I know she's not into it. (btw, the aforementioned orgasms I've given her are due to my reliance on my oral skills)

That being said, I find what does get me aroused is thinking about being with a man and wanting to apply my oral skills in a completely different way. More and more this is on my mind. It's a major source of frustration, though. Now, on that rare occasion, if and when my wife does share herself with me she's still going to be a woman and for months my mind has been on well endowed men's genitals.

Sex is a strange and powerful element of humanity isn't it?

If anyone else is dealing with a similar situation I just thought I'd let them know they're not alone.

I'll just add that it's real easy for stuff like the situation with your wife to get into a fella's head and make things less um, responsive. For me, I started having trouble with staying hard when I began to let my variant sexuality get inside my head. I'm OCD, and while I've never had what I'd call the OCD theme popularly called HOCD (H for homosexuality), which is in reality probably almost exclusively suffered by folks who are pretty much straight... still, I'm OCD, and it's easy enough for me to start obsessing over my sexual desires, and that is a good boner-killer. Sort of related to performance anxiety. Sex with my own other half got less and less, and became nonexistent- it's been admitted to me that they've lost interest in sex, like your wife. Reckon menopause does that to some. Or it could be their own self-image issues, human mind's pretty complicated, like you said, when it comes to sex.

Thanks for your reply, Snaga. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I don't know how you deal with your wife's loss of interest in sex but it's a serious problem for me.

My ED has actually improved (but not enough to "complete the task"). There is a "performance anxiety" component to it but it's more her lack of enthusiasm results in a lack of stimulation (both mental and physical). I'm not sure if it's my inability to perform coupled with her own poor self-image that is at least partially responsible for her lack of enthusiasm or if it's her medication she's taking coupled with her post menopausal hormonal (im)balance.

We both still love each other after almost 50 years together so that helps but my physical and emotional needs are interfering with my enjoyment of life, not to mention getting things done that really need to get done!

I'll just leave it there for now but thanks again for giving me your feedback.

21cDiogenes wrote:I don't know how you deal with your wife's loss of interest in sex but it's a serious problem for me.

Well, there's ways. Computers, taking matters in hand, that sort of thing. But to be honest, my problems started before it was confessed to me that there was waning interest. Some of that might be self-image, as you mention.

As far as your lack of stimulation, well, don't you reckon some of that is very simply that I don't know about you, but I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't. I have hard enough performance anxiety as it is- I've never been wired to be 'demanding'. I could totally see me not getting it up, back in my prime even, with even a prostitute- because it's a transaction, and not that I'm really wanted, if that makes any sense. In my elementary/middle school years, girls weren't very kind to me, in general. So the automatic assumption for decades was I'm not desirable, and it took very forward women to get it through my skull that I was even being flirted with.

And then I think about dick a lot, so yeah there's that. I'm sure until I did get a Snagina, that most folks who knew me probably assumed I was either weird or gay. Hell, lot of my past if I could visit myself I'd be like, 'that boy gay AF'. Except I'm not. I'm just not straight.

I can relate to much of what is posted on this thread. I have been married for over 30 years and have three kids. Very happy. In recent years I have been searching bi curious porn and hook up sites. I got together with two guys in a receiving (not giving) situation. I have now and always have had zero physical attraction to men. Except for my intense desire - almost obsession with penis. And at my age and situation, I have a lot of free and private time to peruse those sites and communicate with other men who are similarly curious. The big problem is I absolutely love my wife and my family - everything about it. Even the seemingly innocuous thoughts about sucking a dick are a huge source of guilt for me. My wife is post menopausal and has no desire for sex. What do I do?! I am so horny to play with a man’s dick - I masturbate thinking about it at least once a day - sometimes three times. Help.