Over 50 and Bi-Curious

Thanks, Snaga. I thought I was logged in both times but I took your "checked the the automatic log in box" advice.
I suspect my wife knew me well enough to know I wouldn't do it (or was just that desperate to get me to stop bugging her). "Bringing something home" is just one of the reasons why I didn't take her up on it.
There are a lot of things I'd like to share but it's late so I'll pick it up again on another day.

Slightly amazed and envious you were able to even broach the subject, to be honest...

My wife and I have been together for almost 48 years; married for 41. Not a lot of secrets between us. Our relationship has grown and evolved over the years to a pretty solid place (which is another reason why I never took her up on her offer). Not saying we haven't had our struggles but we've gotten through them. We don't always like each other but will always love each other. That being said, I wish she hadn't become such a frigid bitch in her old age! LOL
When we first met we were both pretty free spirited. We were out with another couple, a friend of mine who was dating a friend of hers (who was trying to get us together). We weren't "going out" with each other at the time. It was just a casual date. My friend was driving and when he dropped me off at my place my future wife said, "I think I'll get out here, too." I was shocked and wasn't sure what she had in mind. I soon found out. All this just to say that our entire relationship was initiated on a one night stand that hasn't stopped for 48 years.
Unfortunately, the sex has come to a not so grinding halt, though (it's complicated). Left with no outlet for my natural human needs and appetites my mind goes to my fascination with male genitalia and all the possibilities I might have to embrace them.
During our most actively amorous days we were sharing erotic pillow talk and we got on to the subject of our earliest sexual experiences. We had both had some same sex experiences in our formative years and talking about it got us both extremely aroused. Going forward I would tell her stories of my sexual adventures with men (which were totally made up but were extremely convincing if I say so myself). She would get so aroused and cum so hard (as would I). This led to sharing fantasies, watching erotic movies together (including Bi-sexual ones), and it got to the point where we were almost about to attempt some of those fantasies. But we never did and, in retrospect, that's probably a good thing.
So this is the context in which she made her offer.
I'll leave it there for tonight but I find it helpful to be able to tell someone about things that are bottled up inside. These are not things we share with friends and family (or anyone, for that matter).
I have a lot more to share if that's okay. Thinking about these things has awakened some memories and put some experiences in some sort of perspective that might help explain why I have these thoughts/feelings in mind (and in my groin).
More later....

From reading many posts I've determined that I'm not Gay, maybe not even Bi but definitely still curious. I'm not interested in men in a romantic way and rarely see a man I would consider having any sexual contact with. I don't find looking at a naked man very erotic UNLESS he has an erection. Then the coin flips! It's the sight (or thought) of a hard cock that gets me all queezy inside.

I've read comments that basically say what happens between guys before puberty doesn't really count; just normal adolescent curiosity. That may be true as far as defining ones ultimate sexual orientation but, at least in my case, it can leave a life long impression. As the twig is bent so grows the tree. My twig was bent when I was 11 or 12.

My best friend in middle school was in my same grade but a year older. His parents were divorced and his mother worked so he and I had a lot of unsupervised time together. We also had a fair amount of sleep overs where we shared a bed. One thing led to another and we would often fondle each other under the covers. If we were alone at his house we would often play a lot of "games" where would both ultimately wind up naked and messing around with each other. I don't think either one of us even had any pubic hair but we were certainly cable of having full on erections. This was my early introduction to sexuality and it was incredibly erotic for me.

Eventually we thought it would be fun to try 69ing. I don't know whose idea it was. Neither one of us had sucked the other up until that point. We started sucking each other and I loved it. But almost right away he said it hurt and wanted to stop. I tried to convince him to keep on going but he said no. That was the one and only time I've sucked a cock; an admittedly very small one (as was mine) but the feeling has stayed with me. I can still remember how his dick felt in my mouth.

We wound up going to different high school and grew distant. We saw each other again when he was 16 and he came by to show me his "new" cool old Chevy. We went for a ride and I asked if he wanted to mess around again (I sure did) but he said no, he was into girls now. That was the end of my same sex contact experiences but the fascination with male genitals remains to this day.

I love women and find them arousing whether naked or dressed, in the act of making love or in the act of making dinner. I believe my arousal by men, which can be quite intense, is limited to the thought of pure physical sex. I have a very vivid and active imagination and it always seems to drift towards sex with another guy. The seems to happen more the older I get and the more my wife is "not inerested" in playing any games where we bothe wind up naked!

I've decided that I'm pretty well bisexual, and have more-or-less been that way since adolescence. Between peer experience and an aborted would-be groomer, I've been rather locked into place- which is from my reading, to be expected for a male. The research I've heard of postulates that males are locked into their place on the Kinsey spectrum by no later than 15, probably earlier.

I used to frequent a bisexual men's forum- now defunct, I'm afraid- but there were a lot of middle-aged/older men who had 'returned' in their later years to an interest in, well, dick. And I got the impression for a lot of them, it was exactly as you post it here. Childhood experimentation, then set the idea aside until much older then primarily a fascination with cocks- all about the penis, and not as much the rest of the package.

I wouldn't say I follow the same pattern as I've had sexual feelings in both directions the whole time. I'm both the gayest straight guy, and the straightest gay guy, that I know.

I wouldn't say I so much put it aside. I'd say it was more crowded out. As long as I had female stimulation I was satisfied but when the female stimulation was lacking I would drift back to an interest in, as you say, boy bits.

It was soon after my boyhood crush shut me down that I also discovered girls. I had a steady girlfriend by about 16 or 17 and we wound up getting married at the age of 21. This opened another door. A little backstory; as a young boy I explored my mothers drawer filled with silky under garments. Nice. I also spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom looking through J C Penney and Sears catalogues (note: this was in the late 50s and 60s) looking at the models in all kinds of sexy bras, panties, stockings, girdles. It was almost intoxicating. I wasn't looking at the women. I was looking at what they were wearing. BTW, the J C Penney catalogue was MUCH better than Sears!

The newly opened door I mentioned was my new wife's underwear drawer. When she was at work I could try on her panties and it gave me a funny feeling inside. I would look at myself in the mirror in her panties and see myself as a sexy woman which would lead me back to thoughts of a man in a state of arousal. I didn't understand why I felt that way but it was my little secret.

It didn't take us long to realize we were growing in different directions as we matured and we divorced. I still focused on women and my same sex attraction definitely took a back seat for quite awhile.

Then I met the woman who would become my "one true love" and future wife. After dating for a year we moved in together and I again had access to a well stocked panty drawer. I think this awakened my dormant interest in sexual variety. I have a vivid imagination and again thoughts of male genitalia were dancing in my head. (or should I say thought of giving head were dancing in my male genitalia lol)

Skipping ahead to the present, being well over 50 and not having lost my Bi-Curiosity many things have have aligned to fan the flames of my same sex desires. With age I have more experiences to build on (which I may get into if anyone is interested), a wife with a diminished libido, a wealth of erotica on the internet, possible hormonal imbalance, and more time on my hands. Also, I have a wife that I love so I don't really want to imagine sex with another woman. So, that leaves me thinking about playing games with a man that wind up with us both being naked and messing around.

Interestingly, I find it somewhat therapeutic to get all this out. It seems to dampen my desires which relieves my frustration. I've babbled on long enough, though, so I'll just keave it there for now.

I wonder how many of us as boys discovered our momma's intimates? I doubt there would be any reliable data on that. Been there done that.

I wouldn't know about the Sears catalog- J.C. Penney was the one always used- and of course I spent time looking at the Ladies' and Juniors' sections, but more about the entire package (the dainties and what was in them) to be sure. I sort of feel sorry for kids post-internet. Robbed of mystery. Oh well.

I don't know if it's hormonal but my "curiosity" isn't waning in my old age. It's growing stronger. Possibly a lack of testosterone and maybe an increase on estrogen? I've noticed (and so has my wife) that I've developed a pair of cute little breasts and I kind of like them. I never noticed my nipples being sensitive when I was younger but now they are quite arousing. I came across a term that is apparently somewhat controversial in the trans world; "autogynephilia". It describes very accurately what I'd been feeling even before I developed my perky little titties. When I look at myself naked in the mirror I see myself as a sexy woman and it turns me on (with or without my wife's panties). I'm nothing like a sexy woman from the neck up but that's not where I'm looking. I have no desire to actually be a woman and am completely comfortable with the fact that I'm a male. I love my penis and have no desire to remove it, although I will admit trimming my pubic hair in a rather feminine appearance. (I'm not into astrology but I find it interesting that I AM a Gemini. Just saying)
My same sex attraction has been with me since my teenage years but not particularly strong. I used to think I'd just like to fondle a guys genitals, then at some point I started thinking well, maybe I'd really like to suck it but no anal and no kissing. Now I'm at the point where I'm thinking I'd like to just go ahead and make out and let him take me any way he wants.
Of course, I put a lot of blame for these feelings on the fact that my wife is no longer particularly interested in having sex. The roles are reversed in my imaginary lovemaking, though, as I want to be the one submitting to my imaginary lover.
It's quite frustrating as I'm not planning to act on these feelings. I've been monogamous since the day we got married 41 years ago and have no interest in breaking that vow. Philosophically I would be okay with becoming celibate in my old age but my genitals seem to have a mind of their own and they completely disagree.
I'm going to just leave it there for now.....

Oh yes. Autogynephilia and the name associate with it 'Blanchard' are curse words in the modern Trans movement.

That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I'm partly androgyne, but I do think there's a little more going on, but not enough for me to have ever transitioned- though when I was younger, I flirted with the idea of HRT.

Alas- I've not experienced age- or hormone- related sensitivity, I got mine the old-fashioned way: piercing. Piercing can sometimes make nipples very sensitive. It worked for me, though I didn't know that was a side-effect at the time I did it.

I've always been interested in same-sex activities, up to and including coitus. Whether I admitted it to myself or not. It's never been something discovered, developed, or rediscovered with age; but as I have probably mentioned, when there used to be a popular bisexual men's forum that I belonged to, a lot of older men were in your shoes.

It might be that this could be exacerbated by the change of sex in your marriage; but to be honest I'm not sure, myself. I know that with me, I thought marriage would remove such feelings- it did not. Like you, I'm of no mind to do anything about the feelings, but sometimes for me it's a struggle.

I tend to be of the belief that people like us have had our inclinations from adolescence, even though it may be dormant for a long time. But that's just my thoughts on it.

Actually, I don't blame my wife for these feelings I have. But, when we do have sex the feelings fade for awhile until my manhood rears it's beautiful head again.
My gender dysphoria actually started when I was very young. I discovered the "wrinkle" in my peritoneum and wondered if it was a scar from sewing up my vagina. Of course, I didn't know any of these terms at the time and I have no idea what put that idea into my head. I was probably 5 or 6 at the time. I decided that didn't make any sense and let that idea go.
When I was maybe 9 or 10 I decided it would be funny (or maybe just fun) to dress up like a girl for my Halloween costume and go out trick or treating around the neighborhood. My mother asked me if I was sure I wanted to do that as she didn't think it was a great idea. I said yeah, I thought it was a great homemade costume; better than a pirate or a hobo. Honestly, I thought I looked pretty cute! I got halfway around the block when I rang the doorbell at the next house, the girl who answered the door turned out to be a girl from my class at school. She looked confused. She said, "Mike? (not my real name) Is that you? What are you doing? I said, "Just Trick or Treating. I thought it would be a funny costume." As I walked away I understood why maybe that wasn't the best costume choice. The only time I went out in public in drag and I was busted at 10 years old! I wouldn't be surprised if she told her friends the next day at school or maybe she just kept it to herself. I don't know but I was relieved that no one ever said anything about it.
So, yeah, my wife didn't make me this way. I do wish she would help me out a little more often, though, in my struggle to keep from running off chasing rainbows.