Family Sex

First of all, I am a new member, and this is my 1st post. Lucky to have found this forum.

At last I can communicate with people like me. It was kind of a *pheeeeew* to read posts from other people that describe exactly things that I feel (or rather, I don't feel)

Excuse my english, I got my diploma 6 years ago, and no practice.

I am a 21 year old gay queer anarchist living in Athens. I work in theatre now. I am generally very lucky in terms of what I do for a living and my talents. I have 4 friends, they are the only people who I can talk to, even though I don't trust them well (poor things-they truly love me, I can mathematically sense that, but can't let it get into me, and of course can't return it). Needless to say that other people are to me from scary to neutral.

My first question to the forum:

I always knew I was gay. Period. My first sex experience was with my cousin, Jim. We grew up together, and I trust him. I don't know why, maybe because he is the only LGTB member of my family (he calls himself "bi").
It was wonderful. Ever since, we have sex once a year (that is every time he visits me on vacation)

Let me tell you that he is the only person in the world that I feel comfortable having sex with! I have had sex with more than 15 men in my life (one of them was my love-not just sex) and I always feel "they get into my territory" and feel violated. I really prefer masturbation to this.

But Jim... I am not in love with him, I just love that we are so close in a family way (even though he is adopted) - we are best friends, and we really trust each other. Plus, we try everything during sex. Its the only person with which I call the experience "True Sex".

Have u had any similar experiences?

Wrong forum.

most of us are anti touch, I dont even hug my mom, dose that answer your queshtion?

Nope. Never had sex with any of my cousins.

A considerable percentage of us - including myself -
have never had sex.

How come people in the sexuality forum don't have sex?
How is discussing sex wrong to do in this forum?
I don't think it's so bad b/c your cousin is adopted.
I must say, I breathed a bit of a sigh of relief when I saw that.

Alex - what a complicated situation you seem to be in! I don't have any particularly good advice, because your situation is a tough one and one I've never had to encounter. However, due to the homosexual nature of your relationship, some of the potential negative results of incestual intercourse are eliminated; for example, no risk of pregnancy. Still, you must understand the social taboo, and the fact that incest - even incest with an adoptive family member - is inherently harmful to family bonds because of that taboo.
May I ask a personal question? How old were you when you had your first sexual experience with your cousin, and how old was he? If you were under age and he was older, this would count as sexual abuse - even if done in a way you percieved as gentle and trusting. It could explain why you can not enjoy sex with other men; you are victim identifying with your victimizer. I might be way off base here, and if so I apologize. It just seems like there is more to this than simple familial love developing into sex.

I've had sex with my cousin who was the same age when we were teens. He's my mother's sister's husband's sister's son... so first cousin once removed by marriage... absolutely nothing incestuous about it since there is no direct bloodline between us and our families aren't close. We got along great together and sex was just something better to do at stupid family holidays than listen to the boring adults yammer away. As far as I know, he isn't permanently damaged by it and neither am I... so not all cousin affairs are necessarily a big issue.

Alec, I think the reason that you enjoy sex with your cousin Jim is that you already have a close emotional bond with him. You don't necessarily have this with other men and it sounds like you are uncomfortable being vulnerable and trusting in a relationship, so they don't last long enough for you to actually develop trust and intimacy. Does this sound like it might be what you're experiencing?

ertarox wrote:How come people in the sexuality forum don't have sex?
How is discussing sex wrong to do in this forum?
I don't think it's so bad b/c your cousin is adopted.
I must say, I breathed a bit of a sigh of relief when I saw that.

What happened here with this thread is that Alex C originally posted this in the Schizoid forum, I think by mistake, and the first few responses are from the schizoid folks, then a moderator moved this thread into a more appropriate forum, the Sexuality forum, but along with it came those first few responses.
It does seem sort of funny!

Yeah, we were at the same age too. 15. Sometimes human sexual behaviour and nature can work in very tricky ways...