Our partner

Wanting help with my sexuality

Open Discussions about Sexuality and Related Issues.

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Mon Jun 14, 2021 7:15 pm

Also I might add I'm not as turned on by women as I used to be I still love them but it's just not as strong it hasn't bothered me because that's happened before and then things go back to normal but like I said things feel different now
Kaleb28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:44 am
Blog: View Blog (38)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Wed Jun 23, 2021 10:50 am

So I thought about it recently and one of the post I made in this uneccesarally long winded thread was that when I say I "freak out" what I mean is that I get a sense of anxiety looking at an attractive man and I don't actually freak out, these days If somebody where to say something about a guy is attractive than I can(as much as I hate to say it) agree with them and understand what there talking about which used to not be possible as I read more and more post on the forums my situation which used to seem like ocd just seems more and more like a sexual identity crises which doesn't freak me out but make me depressed, I guess the point in writing this is that I just don't think it adds up entirely with ocd. Anyway I'm sorry to waist anybodies time in reading or potentially responding it isn't my intention to spam the forums. Thank you
Kaleb28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:44 am
Blog: View Blog (38)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Snaga » Wed Jun 23, 2021 8:54 pm

I would think anyone reasonable secure in themselves could admit a member of the same sex is good looking, without it causing anxiety.

If you suffer from OCD, don't lose sight that the idea is to not have anxiety at something. And not to then fall into the trap that because you don't have anxiety any more, you must be that thing. You're either attracted to men, or you're not. If you are, then you'll either have a physical or emotional desire for them. It will be there, and it will not be in much doubt. I don't feel much emotionally for the same sex, but I sure as heck feel physical desires. It's not even that I think men are as attractive as women- they're not- but I sure as heck know I have almost always wanted to mess around with other boys. And what I want to be, doesn't enter into it. I wanted to be 'normal'. But the desire wants, what the desire wants.

Now if you don't want to mess around, and you don't want to be 'in a relationship', with a man, then whether you feel anxiety or not is really irrelevant. Whether you can say you see a man is good looking, is really irrelevant. You can not want to have those desires, but if you have them, you have them.

And if you don't, you don't. And you gotta kinda have to have some sort of desire for another dude, to be gay or bi.
Image

Tell someone today you love them, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18330
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 2:44 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Wed Jun 23, 2021 10:50 pm

I do have those desires in terms of physical the problem that I'm always obsessing over is that fact that 2 months to 9 months ago ( and by that I mean I started finding men attractive than I started feeling kind of normal albeit it still existed but I ignored it because my attraction to women was incredibly strong that it didn't bother me) I was different it's like I've lost a limb, I try and do anything that I hadn't done in over a year I get depressed and say "man I remember being different", I guess the point I'm making is that I obsess over my past and it's incredibly hard for me to accept that and move on, I get angry with myself for not being ok with it and likewise I become depressed because of my attraction to men and the fact that I don't want it its a conflict of intreast I know but it's just hard for me to come to terms with it, but hey at least I'm still kind of attracted to women so that's a saving grace
Kaleb28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:44 am
Blog: View Blog (38)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Thu Jun 24, 2021 3:36 am

I also don't know if I don't want it do anything with a man as a by-product of my anxiety or because I legitimately don't want it this is probably just reassurance seeking but I'm honestly not sure
Kaleb28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:44 am
Blog: View Blog (38)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Thu Jul 01, 2021 2:28 pm

I think my stress and anxiety is what's not allowing me to get turned on by men (and by that I mean that I get a little afraid because I don't want to be turned on by men) but I can't deny the attraction I have twords men and it is a genuine attraction because before I become anxious the same feelings that. I only got for women exclusively im also getting for men now and it's a lot stronger than it is for women and than I get anxious, I'm not sure if I could do anything with a guy but I could damn well say that man that guy is hot. The reason that I don't think it is ocd is because ocd is limited to thought well I genuinely do find men attractive which I guess is mental but it isn't exclusively mental if that makes sense. The other reason I don't think it's ocd is because ocd is an unreasonable obsession well thinking that your bi or gay after you see an attractive guy doesn't seem unreasonable. Plus all the things I've read about the process of a person discovering there sexuality usually has something to do with attraction


I don't think I'm adding anything to this conversation I just want to voice my thoughts and I think this is really the only thread that I can do it in I'm afraid to tell my therapist because last time I did he said that he thinks I'm bi and he said that a while before I joined P.F. just to give perspective. sorry to repeat myself over and over I understand it can get annoying it's just really hard to not post. (I'm not trying to get pity points)
Kaleb28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:44 am
Blog: View Blog (38)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Snaga » Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:32 pm

WHEN.... did you first get the anxiety? Since you didn't start feeling attractions for men, until the anxiety.

And the nature of the anxiety has a lot to do with it. Was I scared at the idea that I was actually horny for men, as a man? Anxious yes because it was 'wrong'. Not frightened out of my wits. More like 'angsty'. With HOCD there seems to be this overriding terror at the idea. Well, if you're horny for dick or ass, to be blunt, then you're going to still want it no matter how angsty you are.

But anyway, I thought I heard '14' mentioned in some other thread. If you were 14 when all this started, then I'm hanging in the air between OCD and hell yeah welcome to the club. The more past 14, the more askance I look at it. Because I'm personally convinced (my own theory) that a male doesn't change his sexuality much past 14 or 15. That sexologist I can't think of his name, tested subjects as young as 15. So the only thing we know for sure, is that you're not going to be very changy in your sexuality after that age. Before, it's up for grabs. Most folks think it's from birth (including that researcher). Me, I think it's what happens in the womb PLUS environment, and that has been tested reliably down to 15 years old using porn, penile measuring devices, and aversion therapy (including electric shocks) to see if it could be forcibly changed. It couldn't. And it stands to reason, if you can't make Gays Straight, you probably can't make Straights Gay, either. There's learned behavior such as in prison or other all-male environments, and then there's what a fella does when women are readily available. And that doesn't seem to be at all flexible.

Women, it is. Ciswomen proved by the same sexologist, to be flexible into adulthood- if they had sufficient motivation, not merely on a whim. Cismales, however... just no. Not prayer, not electric shocks, not nothing. Once it's set, wherever that is- straight, gay, in the middle somewhere... it seems to be set. And it seems to be set somewhere between birth, and no later than 15 years old. Mine woke up when I was 12 or 13, and I was fairly clueless before. But I was in that age range. To me that is the deciding factor- if you're young enough. And looking back I was, pardon me for falling back on stereotypes, I was a pretty gay-acting kid. And before it 'woke up' I was already doing solo sex play that straight men don't usually do, if you know where I'm going with that.
Image

Tell someone today you love them, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18330
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 2:44 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Fri Jul 02, 2021 1:02 am

Snaga wrote:WHEN.... did you first get the anxiety? Since you didn't start feeling attractions for men, until the anxiety


Well as you mentioned 14, though you obviously mean the current iteration, well 3 months ago though between 9(the last time I had anxiety) and 3 months I was able to say that a guy looks good though my attraction to women was much stronger

Snaga wrote:Was I scared at the idea that I was actually horny for men, as a man? Anxious yes because it was 'wrong


Can't figure out whether I'm horny or not guess that's something I'll have to live with lol, though I'm not really terrified anymore I'm either bumbed out or depressed, like a year ago and the feelings associated with a year ago (or 3 months ago) has become a fantasy of mine if that makes sense in that it gives me hope though it could be false hope. My motivation for wanting to be not gay really has to do with the past because like I've stated previously I was exclusively attracted to women for 7 years even after I turned was 14 I remember when I was 14 and had these thoughts and it did feel like I was going to die these days I just feel bumbed out, probably has to do with me being used to the thoughts but who knows, I'll be 18 in less than a month so maybe I can go to an actual ocd therapist though I'm afraid that there just going to tell me I'm gay and I'll just become depressed and like well this sucks
Kaleb28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:44 am
Blog: View Blog (38)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Snaga » Fri Jul 02, 2021 8:08 pm

Breaking it down to its simplest form:

Bisexuality isn't necessarily feeling the same things in the same amounts for both sexes. Far from it.

So there's physical feelings and there's emotional feelings.

Pretty much got to have at least one of those for the same sex, for this to be a thing, sweetie.

Either men's bodies (or at least parts of them) get your motor running, or they don't. (physical desire)

Either you get starry-eyed for a man, or not.

And that can be in varying amounts for each category.

But at least one of those things has to be there. And enough of it that it makes you want it. Even if you don't want to want it, you want it and when you're honest with yourself, your know you want it

Knowing a man is attractive isn't enough. Just because you don't get grossed out by looking at a man doesn't mean you want to either screw or fall in love with him.

If the thought was What if? at 14 and you got scared, and you don't know by now that your romantically and/or sexually wanting a man, then you might consider it really being OCD.

If at 14 you started fantasizing, wanting, dreaming of, etc-and not to check! but because you LIKE it- then welcome to the club.
Image

Tell someone today you love them, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18330
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 2:44 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Fri Jul 02, 2021 9:10 pm

Snaga wrote:If the thought was What if? at 14 and you got scared, and you don't know by now that your romantically and/or sexually wanting a man, then you might consider it really being OCD.



I understand that sexuality is set in in early adolescence but I'd think that there's got to be exceptions because (especially 3 months ago) I definitely find men hot I just don't like it it's gone from a "what-if" to a "I wish I could go back to normal". Or this could just be a severe form of ocd hahaha
Kaleb28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Local time: Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:44 am
Blog: View Blog (38)

PreviousNext

Return to Sexuality Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 15 guests