Wanting help with my sexuality

Was it enjoyable because it's a 'naughty' taboo, or is it something you want?

Well I mean I liked imagining the guys... Thing while reading and thinking about that gets me excited to. As well as anxious

But would you like being one of them?

The story was very unrealistic and dangerous(I have an odd fetish that I don't want to talk about) I just know that on the past I was very averse to M/M content and 'shemale' content this time I read it because it's enjoyable though I read another story where I got turned on by the male genitalia that was more realistic and in that situation I'd say I'm not sure if I'd want to be in that situation or not.

Unfortunately we no longer have an open Fetish forum. It is something I miss. But I understand about dangerous/unrealistic. I have some fantasies that would be... unpleasant in the real world, to say the least.

Well, if you get turned on, you get turned on. You're very confusing. Most times I feel as if it's HOCD getting away with you; yet at times you almost convince me. This extreme aversion to it is the puzzling part- if you are turned on by the idea of doing things with guys, then it is what it is.

Snaga wrote:if you are turned on by the idea of doing things with guys, then it is what it is.

Yeah your right the frustrating part is that I have a bit of an aversion to women now I used to love the idea of kissing them and almost ever since this started I just haven't liked the idea. I also fluctuate sometimes I feel more straight and sometimes I feel more gay. It's one thing to have a gay side but it's another thing for feelings to go back and forth and for me to not want to do something that I once wanted to do, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy everything that I don't want to happen happens. There's this part of me that just wants to be gay just so I don't feel like this though I also know that that would be FAR FAR worse than what I'm dealing with now. Oh well I guess I can talk to the psychiatrist about this that's just a long ways away though sadly.

Why would being gay be 'far far worse'? If anything, at least you'd be anchored to something. And see, that's where it starts to sound like HOCD again.

Hang in there until you start seeing that psych. I'm very glad you're seeing one.

In spite of how anxious and obsessive I am I'd rather be like this than completely gay, so yes that probably is ocd the thing for me is that I go between feeling more straight and saying "see things will get better" to "This isn't ocd and these feelings will be with you forever" now as opposed to 8 months ago it's not that bad even if it isn't ocd I think I could live with how I feel for the rest of my life because I'm just so used to it at this point. I don't want to and it's not ideal but I think it's tolerable

It's so hard to look at all of this objectively, I have a strong bias against bi/homosexuality and I see that as a problem. How am I going to ever come up with a productive course of action when I'm so emotional. I always try and find that one thing to confirm my bias. I shouldn't do this I need to not be emotional and yet I'm afraid of what will come of me if I let go of my emotions because I hate to say this but I know what I like but I don't want to like it (I literally just realized this while I was writing this)

Kaleb28 wrote:have a strong bias against bi/homosexuality

That sounded terrible I have nothing against what another person does I just don't want it for myself