Emotional pain leading to change in orientation?

I'm a 30 year old guy. I'll start of by saying I used to be kinda bi-curious. But I guess more in the sense that I am a person generally interested in experiences, I have never felt any intense attraction towards any man in real life, on the contrary. So it always stayed on the level of an occasional fantasy.

Also, one thing worth mentioning might be that I was hitting puberty very late. As a young teenager, I dreamed about a man raping me, so that I could feel any kind of sexual validation for my existence.

Moving on... As I mentioned, I never actually felt attracted to a specific man in real life. But I would watch gay porn on occasion, often humiliating themes, as some kind of relief in times of emotional distress. But it never changed whether I was interested in women in real life, never really affected my relationships.

I recently had a short-lived relationship with a very manipulative person. I still carry some marks on my self-confidence when it comes to sexuality from my teenage years. Essentially, this person had manipulative tendencies and exploited this (in a pretty cunning way) and made me feel insecure until I was pretty crushed. She did it to make herself feel better and safe as she herself had huge insecurities and unfortunately, I was too caught up in the whole thing until it was too late and the damage was done. She also had severe mental issues the extent of which I wasn't fully aware of and I have to say, she's gone completely off the rails and her insane messages and behavior literally scare me (things like saying she'll kill herself if the relationship fails, then later turning off her phone for hours, claiming I'm the only love of her life, then blaming me and ending communication, etc.).

Now, just earlier this year I had a FWB. She made me aroused, we enjoyed sex multiple times a day, it was amazing. After the relationship I mentioned earlier, I feel exhausted, crushed, like I have no value as a man, I feel sexually frustrated and generally hurt. I also feel like my values that I held for my whole adulthood have been messed up, like I'm not sure who I am anymore. I feel like I can't even look at women normally atm. As in, I get scared and quickly look away sometimes if I make eye contact. And my homosexual desires came back. But more intense as ever. For the first time, I feel like I consider men or feel some attraction and this scares me (I have phases with intense anxiety issues, I should mention, which have turned irrational in the past).

I think this might be a kind of an escape route for my mind. I was sexually crushed, I feel humiliated, I'm not sure who I am anymore. Or have I really become gay? Or do I see men as my escape from this pain? Not sure tbh.

IDK what to say. I'm just not comfortable with feeling a change in my life in this area right now and it scares me. It scares me to see how much emotional damage I have sustained before realizing what's going on and I'm unhappy how my life has changed.

Any kind of helpful feedback would be appreciated, I'm trying to make sense of things.

Thank you.